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I think your wife should tell her son that if the sister is invited in the future she isn’t going. No drama for us as my mom is dead so no need to have a relationship with siblings for her sake. Only one of our 5 kids lives here but they work holidays so movie and dinner out for us.
A LOT of folks here with relatives they can't stand.
My brothers wife's mother and father: Brothers wife's mother married her father against parents wishes. They disowned daughter. Brother's wife never saw grandparents despite living thirty minutes away her entire life.
Grandparents didn't go to daughter (brothers wife's mother) funeral after she died of an prolong illness. Didn't visit her when she was alive and in the hospital either. Dysfunctional family with a capital D.
Brothers wife's father remarries a short tine later. Less than a year. Brother's wife gets into major fight with father's new wife. New wife is younger than she is.
Now brothers wife and fathers new wife dislike each other big time.
My family? When I was around 38 years old and visiting my mother. The phone rings. It's uncle Jack who I haven't seen since ... 4 years old? He's asks how I'm doing? WTF? I called my mother and passed her the phone.
Seems Uncle Jack's wife didn't like my mother and father so we were never invited to their home. And they never came to ours
But since they lived on the East Coast and my family moved to Cal when I was young I knew nothing of this.
In fact I have no recollection of Uncle Jack or his wife at all. I can't put a face or memory to either.
I found out yesterday that we will be attending the Jerry Springer edition Thanksgiving.
Hosts: My stepson and his wife. Some of you know from my other rants, They bought a big house that they can't furnish....two years in still only a big leather sectional and a dining table and a big TV. So the only places to sit are on the sectional, or at the dining table.
Guest list: Wife, and she says I'm going, so ME.
Her ex-husband... I get along with him, no big deal. Mandatory invite.
DIL father...he's bearable and a mandatory invite as well.
DIL mother....they don't talk so I don't think she is invited.
I'm sure wife's daughter and his fiance are invited but she works at a restaurant at a casino, so she may have to work.
If my stepdaughter does come, I can see her fiance's mother and sister being invited...fine.
DIL grandmother. Nice lady. Fine...
Hosts couldn't be happy with that. They invited my wife's sister, her husband, and their boys. I've been with my wife for geeze, I think it's 7 years now, and I've only SEEN her sister 3 times. Never have spoken to her. Wife and her sister have been estranged for I think at least 9 years. Sister actually evicted HER OWN MOTHER from a rental property, during February, and put all of their possessions in a dumpster because they couldn't afford to have them moved. They ended up in Florida and have not seen their grandchildren and great grandchild in over 2 years now. Yes, the sister made her mother homeless. They adopted a girl they got tired of and kicked her out at 18, and she is now pregnant with a mixed race child. Two years ago they were invited to something at the stepson's, the sister, boys, and the girl attended, not the husband. Wife and sister did not talk and wife tried to not be in the same room as her sister. The kids spent the day playing on their phones. Did not interact with anybody.
So now instead of a relaxing stress free day, I get to deal with a stressed out wife all day and thick tension in the air.
And her son says to my wife, "we invited aunt Kelli, is that alright?" He knows it's not but what's she going to say after the fact?
Yeah, their house, their party, they can invite whoever they want to invite. But they should know by now to not invite my wife and her sister to the same event, which means his mom gets invited and aunt Kelli does not.
And with the number of people, I need to leave my dog home....
From what I have read, NOT ONE of these people is related to you. They are all in-laws, and relatives of in'laws. Step family, at best. Some, not even that.
I am not invalidating family through marriage or step-relatives. They can be great - if you all get along.
This doesn't seem to be the case.
I have a question - WHERE is YOUR FAMILY? You don't mention them at all. They aren't on the guest list. Where are they?
You did not arise from the firmament. Are either of your parents alive? What about your siblings? Are you an only child?
I am guessing that you are at least in your 30s. Have you had a child or children? Where are they? Are you in contact? Or estranged?
If the latter, how about doing some fence mending with your own kin?
Sometimes men - and yes, it is mostly MEN, marry and forget their first families. Or second. Or third, after divorce or death, spending all of their time with their wife's family. I have seen that quite a bit.
Do YOU have grandchildren? Do they know you?
OK. I want to know about you, and your own family, first.
If you literally have no one, here's an idea - tell your wife what you have told us. Or just say that you are overwhelmed by the size and composition of her family. Again, they are not your kin.
Ask if every other Thanksgiving, the two of you could spend it by yourselves.
Make it a romantic weekend! Travel a bit west to the Hudson Valley - I know of some resorts and and B and Bs in that area.
There are places in New England where you can spend the night, have dinner, retire to your room. Many have Jacuzzis and saunas. They all have beds.
Or fly to FL for TG.
I think it's fair for your wife to consider YOUR needs as well as hers. I was always overwhelmed by my stepmother's HUGE family, their in-laws, and their relatives. I can relate.
FIRST THOUGH - I really want to know where your own relatives are.
This just sounds like another ranting/ venting session. You a wallowing in it. Stay home with your wife and have dinner or YOU send wife and stay home, chilling. It isn't a death sentence to not go to a holiday family dinner.
You don't get it.... wife is P!SSED that her son invited her sister. For her the day is ruined two weeks before it occurs. If you didn't see it, this goes back over 9 or 10 years before I even met her. Wife has no desire to make nice, she doesn't want her there. Just creates unnecessary tension for everybody there.
Ok, so why is she going? For Pete’s sake, you and your wife are grown ups. Why don’t you act like it?
Then don't go! Oma can see the grandbaby any time.
Exactly Birdie. I put her on notice to stand up to her son for once. Might be duck hunting and chinese food for JimG2 on Thanksgiving. Sure as hell not going to my sister's Thanksgiving. But that's another thread... One is enough from me for now....LOL
Thanksgiving Day is fine, it's the day after when the normally placid and even tempered Mrs. NBP transforms into the Christmas Elf from Hell.
This year will be interesting, in fact we just discussed it, because the transformation will be fast tracked due to us not having the dinner until Friday to accommodate conflicting schedules on Thursday.
I love Thanksgiving. My favorite holiday. My family is fun. We always have it at my brother and SIL's house. Anywhere between 25-40 people show up. Family, friends, and whoever else gets sucked into our collective orbit. We start at 1 pm, start eating, drink a lot of wine, and wind up smoking cigars and putting frozen brussel sprouts into slingshots and shooting them into the river 100 feet away. Then we go inside, hang out more, play pool, watch a game, and trickle home sometime around 10. Sometimes a poker game breaks out.
My wife's family is not so fun. They watch TV nonstop, complain about the government, and critique anyone who isn't like them. Tried to introduce the cigar and brussells sprouts thing, but no dice. I'm sure they're still talking about me.
We'll actually miss it with my family this year, because we'll be in NYC for the Macy's Parade. Fly up Tuesday, hang out Wednesday, Parade on Thursday, fly home Saturday.
The only thing I'll miss this year? The dressing. I make it every year. Not that white bread/oyster crap, which is an abomination before the Lord. But the good stuff. Cornbread/Sausage dressing. Ambrosia. The angels weep at its transcendent beauty. Here you go. Happy Thanksgiving.
OP, make this and it will make even the most tedious company better. It's a mood improver par excellance:
2 pkgs cornbread mix (Make sure you use NO sugar)
1lb. sausage
4C chopped celery
3C chopped onion
3/4C chopped parsley
1-1/2 t rubbed savory
1-1/2 t dried sage leaves
1-1/2 t dried thyme leaves
1T salt
1/2t pepper
1 can chicken broth (undiluted)
3 eggs, slightly beaten
1/2C butter or margarine
1. Cook cornbread as directed (except sugar. No sugar. Don't even think of putting sugar in it)
2. In a large skilled, cook sausage until done but not too brown
3. Remove sausage with slotted spoon, then cook vegetables in the drippings
4. Crumbled cooled cornbread in huge bowl
5. Add all other ingredients and mix thoroughly
6. Stuff turkey or put in casserole dish to bake for an hour.
Exactly. In my case I am careful not to say anything I will regret.
My feeling is this: I didn't really enjoy being around my brother or sister even the times we got together at my mothers house for the holidays.
And these days I certainly don't want to spend the hundreds of dollars in air fair/hotel so my wife and I to attend a Christmas out of state.
When our mother passed away the bond that brought my siblings and I together was gone.
Still it is important that I don't make things worse. So, when my sister wanted my wife and I to fly over this Christmas I politely declined.
And when my sister made it a point to tell me I had to go to Vermont next year and spend a few days with her, my brother, his wife and their kids. I refused to say yes. I simply say let's talk about it next year.
It still bothers me when my mother passed away the memorial was held where my bother's wife wanted to go and not my mothers wish.
But again let me emphasize its important not to respond out of anger. Which is why I like text messaging or email. I can carefully craft my response.
Freudian slip? I plan to adopt the phrase "bother-in-law"!
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I plan to adopt the phrase "bother-in-law"!
