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Of course, you should not be responsible for all the sides but isn't it the hosts prerogative to decide when to eat at their home?
Our extended family almost always has holiday meals at noon or 1 PM (for the last few decades). My brother puts the turkey in the oven sometime in the middle of the night.
If you don't want to eat at 1 PM tell your sister "No" and eat your dinner at your home at 4 PM.
At the initial verbal acceptance to the invitation the "what should I bring" should have been set. One, maybe two items. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners are tough to pull together. Even the perpetually single guy who doesn't cook can buy a 2 pound bag of shrimp and cocktail sauce.
Wife is making her famous sweet potato pies that she only makes for Thanksgiving. We never get the pyrex pie pans back... I think she needs to make five and we are down to 3 pans...
Buy disposable aluminum pans for any that you take. No worries about not getting pans back.
wow I feel lucky! I have one relative (sister) and she doesn't do holidays. I would stay home alone, happily, but got invited by a friend who lives with her mom. I think I will be doing her a favor by coming. She does not appear happy about living with her mom, who I gather is crotchety. And it will be non-traditional, mom doesn't like turkey.
Lol.. Congratulations! you're the buffer. I found it's always easier to deal with people who can push your buttons as long as you've got another person there because then the conversation is different. It usually doesn't veer off into button pushing zone with non family members around.
At least you get a free meal out of it. You may even find mom to be a pleasant person because you don't have that history with her.
Op, As far as my Thanksgiving goes.. I have no idea what we're doing.. If one of my son's has no place to go, I'll invite them here.
If not, we usually end up at my stepsons where I'm surrounded by button pushing people and a family that doesn't like each other and has no qualms about talking about the sister they don't like even though they know that it puts hubby and I in the middle.
and its especially fun when the in laws jump in and make snide remarks about hubby's daughter, their sister. I just want to slap the sh*t out of them because they should know better, but instead we just take another valium and look for an excuse to leave,
and that's our Thanksgiving. VTsnowbird, you're more than welcome to join us.
Of course, you should not be responsible for all the sides but isn't it the hosts prerogative to decide when to eat at their home?
Our extended family almost always has holiday meals at noon or 1 PM (for the last few decades). My brother puts the turkey in the oven sometime in the middle of the night.
If you don't want to eat at 1 PM tell your sister "No" and eat your dinner at your home at 4 PM.
I think poster said the time has been changed from dinner to lunch, after the poster and her husband accepted, which was her objection. Wonder how far away she lives and how long it takes to makes all the sides? I bet some people like an earlier time so they don’t have to drive after dark, though.
I, too, remember my mom getting up at the crack of dawn to put in the turkey and we would eat early. No dishwasher so my mom, my siblings and I would wash all the china, crystal and sterling after that meal.
Then we would set the table all over again and have “supper” after getting out and warming up all the leftovers. By the end of the day we were exhausted but I remember the good times in the kitchen with my grandmother “directing” us all!
I found out yesterday that we will be attending the Jerry Springer edition Thanksgiving.
Hosts: My stepson and his wife. Some of you know from my other rants, They bought a big house that they can't furnish....two years in still only a big leather sectional and a dining table and a big TV. So the only places to sit are on the sectional, or at the dining table.
Guest list: Wife, and she says I'm going, so ME.
Her ex-husband... I get along with him, no big deal. Mandatory invite.
DIL father...he's bearable and a mandatory invite as well.
DIL mother....they don't talk so I don't think she is invited.
I'm sure wife's daughter and his fiance are invited but she works at a restaurant at a casino, so she may have to work.
If my stepdaughter does come, I can see her fiance's mother and sister being invited...fine.
DIL grandmother. Nice lady. Fine...
Hosts couldn't be happy with that. They invited my wife's sister, her husband, and their boys. I've been with my wife for geeze, I think it's 7 years now, and I've only SEEN her sister 3 times. Never have spoken to her. Wife and her sister have been estranged for I think at least 9 years. Sister actually evicted HER OWN MOTHER from a rental property, during February, and put all of their possessions in a dumpster because they couldn't afford to have them moved. They ended up in Florida and have not seen their grandchildren and great grandchild in over 2 years now. Yes, the sister made her mother homeless. They adopted a girl they got tired of and kicked her out at 18, and she is now pregnant with a mixed race child. Two years ago they were invited to something at the stepson's, the sister, boys, and the girl attended, not the husband. Wife and sister did not talk and wife tried to not be in the same room as her sister. The kids spent the day playing on their phones. Did not interact with anybody.
So now instead of a relaxing stress free day, I get to deal with a stressed out wife all day and thick tension in the air.
And her son says to my wife, "we invited aunt Kelli, is that alright?" He knows it's not but what's she going to say after the fact?
Yeah, their house, their party, they can invite whoever they want to invite. But they should know by now to not invite my wife and her sister to the same event, which means his mom gets invited and aunt Kelli does not.
And with the number of people, I need to leave my dog home....
No way in Hell I go to this dysfunctional gathering. I would rather listen to my wife rant for a week about my not going then to spend 10 minutes with this bunch. You’re in my thoughts OP.
Guess I’m the lucky one. For at least four+ years, I’ve spent every birthday (mine or my daughters), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve and the rest - alone. My daughters will send a text. They live 2000 miles away and working on their lives.
So, yeah. I’m the lucky one I guess. All that nonsense and food and driving. Having to converse, listen to stories of grudges, or that one story told 5 times every year. Dealing with the ones who drink too much, being helpful with clearing up and washing dishes (really, just needing a breather from the overload of spending hours with several relatives you only see once a year, “what’s his wife’s name again?”).
Yep. Lucky me.
I loved finally renting a big enough house and hosting Christmasses and Thanksgiving dinners. I had the only two small kids/grandkids in the family at the time, so everyone wanted to be with them. I knew how to cook and my favorite part was talking about anything with my uncle. History, politics, drugs, Shakespeare (well I’d just listen in awe). We’d have wonderful, civil debates that lit my brain on fire with ideas and rebuttals.
He “disowned” me 2-3 years ago when I asked for help because my brother was committing financial elder fraud/abuse - I have the evidence. My brother is successful, so he chose to take sides with him and said he was done with me. Thanks. Forgot to tell him he shouldn’t have sexualized me as a kid, either.
My brother “disowned” me out of greed. My dad “disowned” me -I’m still not sure why. When he was diagnosed with AIDS, I cared for him and he completely changed. My brother had been manipulating him. My brother hid his updated will.
I will never understand what my great “crime” was to be disowned by all my male family members (oh and robbed by my brother for at least $160K, my ex stole my $45 K share of the marital assets. Because they could.
So lucky me - I get to “enjoy” my holidays in peace... I win.
Edit: To answer the OPs question: Yes, I am dreading it.
Last edited by paperwing; 11-12-2019 at 07:21 PM..
Reason: See: Edit
suddenly my thanksgiving plans don't seem so bad....
We have the "drama" issues at Christmas, with my family. so we choose to spend every other christmas with them. Because every year would just be insane.
A little birdie gave me a $100 gift card for Fogo de Chão, so I'll probably be there on T-day, leisurely noshing on Brazilian delicacies. They have a wonderful papaya cream dessert.
Guess I’m the lucky one. For at least four+ years, I’ve spent every birthday (mine or my daughters), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve and the rest - alone. My daughters will send a text. They live 2000 miles away and working on their lives.
So, yeah. I’m the lucky one I guess. All that nonsense and food and driving. Having to converse, listen to stories of grudges, or that one story told 5 times every year. Dealing with the ones who drink too much, being helpful with clearing up and washing dishes (really, just needing a breather from the overload of spending hours with several relatives you only see once a year, “what’s his wife’s name again?”).
Yep. Lucky me.
I loved finally renting a big enough house and hosting Christmasses and Thanksgiving dinners. I had the only two small kids/grandkids in the family at the time, so everyone wanted to be with them. I knew how to cook and my favorite part was talking about anything with my uncle. History, politics, drugs, Shakespeare (well I’d just listen in awe). We’d have wonderful, civil debates that lit my brain on fire with ideas and rebuttals.
He “disowned” me 2-3 years ago when I asked for help because my brother was committing financial elder fraud/abuse - I have the evidence. My brother is successful, so he chose to take sides with him and said he was done with me. Thanks. Forgot to tell him he shouldn’t have sexualized me as a kid, either.
My brother “disowned” me out of greed. My dad “disowned” me -I’m still not sure why. When he was diagnosed with AIDS, I cared for him and he completely changed. My brother had been manipulating him. My brother hid his updated will.
I will never understand what my great “crime” was to be disowned by all my male family members (oh and robbed by my brother for at least $160K, my ex stole my $45 K share of the marital assets. Because they could.
So lucky me - I get to “enjoy” my holidays in peace... I win.
Edit: To answer the OPs question: Yes, I am dreading it.
I have a set of cousins and they are a large family. One of the siblings was living in the family house. This was the home in which everyone grew up. The house is worth a lot of money and the original Will stated the property was to be sold the proceeds divided equally.
Well, just after the mother got ill and was in the hospital the sibling living in the home got the mother to sign an updated Will. A Will stating he was to get the house when she dies. Which is what happened.
Needless to say the other siblings are still livid.
Guess he's not invited anywhere this Thanksgiving.
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