Pet Peeves & Other Grumblings/What Peeve Do "You" Have Today???? (the best, cell phone)
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As a single person, I get so annoyed with folks who are married or in long term relationships trying to discourage me from wanting to get married. I realize that marriage takes a lot of work, communication and commitment versus just allowing the "romance" to carry the marriage so I really do not need the lectures about having unrealistic expectations. I mean, seriously! If a marriage or relationship is nothing but heartache, then WHY ARE YOU MARRIED or IN A RELATIONSHIP????
I'm never getting married and I'd be happy if a married person tried to discourage me from getting married.
What's worse is the married couples that act like marriage is all fun and games.
Just last night I was minding my own business as I do so well and a young lady that I know says--"Ron, are you married?", I said--"No, I have no desire to get married nor have children".........you would have thought a bomb exploded, the folks that were walking by overheard what I said and they all stopped and looked like they had saw a 2 headed monster. I had to laugh. Folks act like Marriage and children are end all be all.
I like my lifestyle. It's enjoyable and flexible. It works for me. The older I get the more I am glad that I never got married nor had children.
Just last night I was minding my own business as I do so well and a young lady that I know says--"Ron, are you married?", I said--"No, I have no desire to get married nor have children".........you would have thought a bomb exploded, the folks that were walking by overheard what I said and they all stopped and looked like they had saw a 2 headed monster. I had to laugh. Folks act like Marriage and children are end all be all.
I like my lifestyle. It's enjoyable and flexible. It works for me. The older I get the more I am glad that I never got married nor had children.
When you were my age, did people insist you would change your mind?
That's one of my pet peeves...when people insist I will change my mind regarding marriage.
Location: The Chatterdome in La La Land, CaliFUNia
39,031 posts, read 23,020,628 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91
I'm never getting married and I'd be happy if a married person tried to discourage me from getting married.
What's worse is the married couples that act like marriage is all fun and games.
It's not meant for everyone to get married and many folks are content to remain single for the rest of their lives. I don't see anything wrong with that. I guess some folks are so wrapped up in how happy they are being married that they just wish it for everyone but yeah, I can see how insensitive that can come off. Marriage takes a lot of work and some folks just are not ready for that and may never be ready for that type of relationship.
When you were my age, did people insist you would change your mind?
That's one of my pet peeves...when people insist I will change my mind regarding marriage.
I'm 37 as of March 26, 2011 so I take it you're younger than I.
Yes. Funny you should ask that question because people still say that to me now.
I think to myself, "I'm a 36y/o man, I'm pretty sure about what I want in life". People think you don't know what you want in life because you don't want the same thing that they want.
The beauty of not always being in a relationship 24/7, you get to know yourself very well. There is no doubt about it. I'm not opposed to relationships, I'm just the kind of guy that does not feel the need to be consumed in relationships all of the time.
I'll have a girlfriend for 18 months or so than I may chill out for the next 2 years. I don't need back-to back relationships.
It's not meant for everyone to get married and many folks are content to remain single for the rest of their lives. I don't see anything wrong with that. I guess some folks are so wrapped up in how happy they are being married that they just wish it for everyone but yeah, I can see how insensitive that can come off. Marriage takes a lot of work and some folks just are not ready for that and may never be ready for that type of relationship.
Does it take work? And should it take work?
How does one ever get ready for marriage? I don't think it's a issue of not being ready.
I don't think you can get ready.
It's a lifestyle choice. Some people like apartments some like homes. One is not better than the other. It's personal preference.
Location: The Chatterdome in La La Land, CaliFUNia
39,031 posts, read 23,020,628 times
Reputation: 36027
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron.
Does it take work? And should it take work?
How does one ever get ready for marriage? I don't think it's a issue of not being ready.
I don't think you can get ready.
It's a lifestyle choice. Some people like apartments some like homes. One is not better than the other. It's personal preference.
Any relationship that consists of two separate individuals take work. No one can expect a marriage to be carried solely by "romantic" feelings as those tend to fade over time. A marriage that has endured through the years is one where both spouses have committed themselves fully to working hard to preserve it through regular communication and compromise. People prepare for marriage by maturing themselves as by nature, we are all selfish to some extents. For a marriage to work, there has to be a willingness on both parties to concede and compromise their selfish will for the survival of the marriage. Also, knowing yourself and what you want out of life is also critical as it helps to find a life partner who wants to go in that same direction or else there could be conflicts (whether to have 1 or 5 kids, etc). I don't see it so much as a "preference" per se but as I mentioned previously, marriage isn't the right choice or option for everyone.
Some folks are better off remaining single especially if they are unwilling to put in the work and effort of keeping the marriage alive. Too many folks rush and get married for the wrong reasons and, as a result, too many of our children are suffering as a consequence. If you KNOW that you are not ready to make the sacrifices required by marriage, then do society a favor and DON'T get married! Our prison systems cannot handle any more juvenile delinquents.
I'm 37 as of March 26, 2011 so I take it you're younger than I.
Yes. Funny you should ask that question because people still say that to me now.
I think to myself, "I'm a 36y/o man, I'm pretty sure about what I want in life". People think you don't know what you want in life because you don't want the same thing that they want.
The beauty of not always being in a relationship 24/7, you get to know yourself very well. There is no doubt about it. I'm not opposed to relationships, I'm just the kind of guy that does not feel the need to be consumed in relationships all of the time.
I'll have a girlfriend for 18 months or so than I may chill out for the next 2 years. I don't need back-to back relationships.
I recently posted on this thread how I'm under 21, so that would make me younger than you.
I look up to people like you. I really do. I admire people that stuck with their plans to be a bachelor. People like you are proof that some people follow through with their plans.
I think some people get married just to conform to society.
If someone doesn't want to get married, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. It just means marriage is not for them.
And I agree with you how the bachelor lifestyle is good. When I get older, I look forward to living the bachelor lifestyle while my peers are tied down with marriage and kids.
Will my peers be jealous of me? Maybe, maybe not. But I certainly won't be jealous of them.
You're right that the bachelor lifestyle is flexible. There's so much to worry about when you have kids. I want the freedom to go away for the weekend without getting a babysitter or taking the kids with me. I want to be able to move to a new place without taking the kids or wife into consideration.
When you don't have a spouse or kids, there's nothing stopping you from living your dreams.
How does one ever get ready for marriage? I don't think it's a issue of not being ready.
I don't think you can get ready.
It's a lifestyle choice. Some people like apartments some like homes. One is not better than the other. It's personal preference.
I used to think that it's all about readiness but no one is really ready for anything. Life is just full of surprises, and marriage is definitely one of them. Who is ready for divorce? No one is, really.
You know, in the Christian community I'm surrounded by, we are bombarded that we have to have get our "stuff together" before we can get marry or be in a relationship. I think there's a difference in "getting our stuff together" and working on it. An older friend of mine told me that that stuff is junk. You can never get your stuff together. Relationship is about carrying that junk with you and revealing it to the person that your in a relationship with. Sometimes I find myself wanting to get my "stuff together" so I can have this "perfect" relationship. I try not to have the mentality but it always get to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chatteress
Any relationship that consists of two separate individuals take work. No one can expect a marriage to be carried solely by "romantic" feelings as those tend to fade over time. A marriage that has endured through the years is one where both spouses have committed themselves fully to working hard to preserve it through regular communication and compromise. People prepare for marriage by maturing themselves as by nature, we are all selfish to some extents. For a marriage to work, there has to be a willingness on both parties to concede and compromise their selfish will for the survival of the marriage. Also, knowing yourself and what you want out of life is also critical as it helps to find a life partner who wants to go in that same direction or else there could be conflicts (whether to have 1 or 5 kids, etc). I don't see it so much as a "preference" per se but as I mentioned previously, marriage isn't the right choice or option for everyone.
Some folks are better off remaining single especially if they are unwilling to put in the work and effort of keeping the marriage alive. Too many folks rush and get married for the wrong reasons and, as a result, too many of our children are suffering as a consequence. If you KNOW that you are not ready to make the sacrifices required by marriage, then do society a favor and DON'T get married! Our prison systems cannot handle any more juvenile delinquents.
Yeah, you can say that again...Rep to you.
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