Boyfriend's Mother Has Not Helped At All (bullying, diapers, learning)
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It's a lesson that you should take with you the rest of your life. Don't expect HELP from anyone, period. Of course you will get help from many but don't expect anything because once you start excpecting help, you will be sorely disappointed.
She is not well-off and her disability is temporary.
Her money still stop coming in once her ex-husband dies. It is a fact. That is her ONLY source of income besides her temporary disability.
Look at it this way ... when the money runs out, she'll have no reason to come to the two of you with her hand out, reminding you of how she bought the baby's crib and how you owe her for that.
Look at it this way ... when the money runs out, she'll have no reason to come to the two of you with her hand out, reminding you of how she bought the baby's crib and how you owe her for that.
^^^ JJ is exactly right KAAC. Also, a little thing that many of us "older/more experienced" folks have had to learn the hard way is this, "Look a gift horse in the mouth". In other words, just because someone offers to "help you out", that doesn't mean that they're doing you any favors! Hey, that MIGHT be all they're trying to do, but sometimes...no, they're just laying aside some "use-insurance" for later. In other words, it's not putting them in any state of hardship, by giving you a handout, but when they call in their debt, it could be a tremendous hardship for you later.
If she'd jumped forward and made sure you guys were taken care of, ensured you were not stressing about a place to stay, how you were going to pay your bills...you'd be awfully hard-pressed to say there was "no room at your little bitty inn", when her life falls through and she want's to move her cats and belongings into your home. She does NOT sound like the kind of person you want sharing your abode. LOL
It's a lesson that you should take with you the rest of your life. Don't expect HELP from anyone, period. Of course you will get help from many but don't expect anything because once you start excpecting help, you will be sorely disappointed.
True, but I still sympathize with KAAC. If someone says she's going to do something, then you do expect her to come through--because she said she would, not because you feel entitled to something. If that person flakes on a promise, that's hurtful. If you aren't going to do what you say you're going to do, then just don't say you will! It's better to do nothing than say you're going to do something and then flake.
True, but I still sympathize with KAAC. If someone says she's going to do something, then you do expect her to come through--because she said she would, not because you feel entitled to something. If that person flakes on a promise, that's hurtful. If you aren't going to do what you say you're going to do, then just don't say you will! It's better to do nothing than say you're going to do something and then flake.
The OP said nothing about promises that were made at first. It was pure bitterness at the fact that others were helping and mom just got them a stuffed animal. The tide changed with the responses that sided with mom were posted and further criticisms about the mother were thrown out there. We are getting one side of a story that as it unfolded further threw mom under the bus. It went from "we are struggling and all we got was this lousy stuffed animal" to an analysis of her source of income, loser boyfriend and bragging about a mink coat.
The mother said she was waiting to see what they needed. The OP implied that it's somehow too late to get anything because they have everything. Really? Enough diapers and wipes for the duration?It sounds like whining to me.
So what. When her well runs dry she will struggle and just have to deal with it just like you have to do right now.
I can't help but think this is all about money. The story changed when people were siding with the mother who was not helping. Maybe she is willing to tolerate a loser boyfriend for companionship. Life is about choices and you live with the ones you make. That applies to everyone. What do you care where her income comes from or how she spends it? It's not your business.
I totally agree that it was ridiculous to constantly take off work to drive you to the doctor. You don't do anything to jeopardize your source of income when you have a baby on the way.
Her son and I had a fight last year. She came over a few days later when I was sick to talk to me. I was sobbing because I was scared and upset and she held me and said "you are not going to go through this pregnancy alone, I will be there for you and for my grand child. I know you have family around but you are not close to them but that's okay because you have people in this family who love you; you have me and my sister and we are here for you."
Those were her exact words.
I am hurt obviously because I believed her and thought she was sincere. I have a hard time letting anyone in my world and I told her that. I have been rejected too many times, starting with my mother and it is hard for me to trust people. She said she understood the situation. I am a very quiet person and she always wondered why and I told her it's because I don't like to get too close to people. She understood that also.
She said other things too. She was excited about being a grandmother, wanted to put together a nursery for the baby when she bought a house. Something has happened to make her change her mind. She did have good intentions but something leads me to believe her boyfriend is involved. She talked about buying a 2 family house so her other son could rent the upstairs portion. That all changed after her bf moved in. Suddenly she wanted an one bedroom house and nothing to do with us or her sister. It all happened around the time I found out and told her that her boyfriend was also engaged to another woman.
We have everything we need for the baby I think. I really don't know what a baby needs but well, she has a crib, diapers, a stroller, a car seat, bottles, and clothes... Just stuff we think she is going to need. Just find it odd she'd come over and point at the stroller and said she was going to give us one. Then point at this baby carrier thingy and said she was going to give us one, pointed at this and that and that and said the same thing but since we already have it all, there is nothing. left. Why would she do that? Why would she keep repeating herself over and over again?
True, but I still sympathize with KAAC. If someone says she's going to do something, then you do expect her to come through--because she said she would, not because you feel entitled to something. If that person flakes on a promise, that's hurtful. If you aren't going to do what you say you're going to do, then just don't say you will! It's better to do nothing than say you're going to do something and then flake.
From what was shared here, the MIL said she was excited about the news of the baby and said how fun it will be to buy her grandchild baby clothes. That doesn't mean she would be buying clothes before the baby is born. It doesn't mean she planned to completely cloth the grandchild. Buying baby clothes is fun. For all we know, she meant a couple of pretty dresses on her birthdays.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach
The mother said she was waiting to see what they needed. The OP implied that it's somehow too late to get anything because they have everything. Really? Enough diapers and wipes for the duration?It sounds like whining to me.
Exactly. Too late? The OP clearly doesn't realize that the expense is only going to get greater and greater throughout the years. She shouldn't burn bridges.
When I thought babies were expensive, my sister said they only get more expensive as they get older. She was right. Absolutely right.
The initial $800 per month for diapers, special formula (allergies), medication, and childcare was NOTHING compared what I pay now.
Her son and I had a fight last year. She came over a few days later when I was sick to talk to me. I was sobbing because I was scared and upset and she held me and said "you are not going to go through this pregnancy alone, I will be there for you and for my grand child. I know you have family around but you are not close to them but that's okay because you have people in this family who love you; you have me and my sister and we are here for you."
Those were her exact words.
That's different. You're not alone now. You and your boyfriend made up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KickAssArmyChick
She said other things too. She was excited about being a grandmother, wanted to put together a nursery for the baby when she bought a house. Something has happened to make her change her mind. She did have good intentions but something leads me to believe her boyfriend is involved. She talked about buying a 2 family house so her other son could rent the upstairs portion. That all changed after her bf moved in. Suddenly she wanted an one bedroom house and nothing to do with us or her sister. It all happened around the time I found out and told her that her boyfriend was also engaged to another woman.
I can understand her boyfriend encouraging her to buy a house that's too small for her extended family to move into. I can also understand the boyfriend not appreciating you interjecting yourself and telling her about his marriage and engagement. I know he's scum. I'm just saying that you're probably right about the boyfriend being the one who changed her mind about literally providing you with a place to live.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KickAssArmyChick
Just find it odd she'd come over and point at the stroller and said she was going to give us one. Then point at this baby carrier thingy and said she was going to give us one, pointed at this and that and that and said the same thing but since we already have it all, there is nothing. left. Why would she do that? Why would she keep repeating herself over and over again?
Because she probably was going to buy you those things. You baby shower happened before she did. Was she invited to your baby shower? Was she given any word that there would be a baby shower?
Quote:
Originally Posted by KickAssArmyChick
We have everything we need for the baby I think. I really don't know what a baby needs but well, she has a crib, diapers, a stroller, a car seat, bottles, and clothes... Just stuff we think she is going to need.
What? You're going to give birth in 3 weeks, and you "really don't know what a baby needs?" I'm assuming you discovered that you're pregnancy at some point during your first trimester. So we won't count that. That means that from the beginning of the second trimester, you've known you were going to have a baby for the past 5 months. You've had 5 months to learn what a baby needs.
Instead, you're whining about the mother of your boyfriend? Really? If you couldn't spend the same amount of time learning what a baby needs, that you've spent posting your complaints here on the forum, then you really aren't mature enough for motherhood.
Oh for goodness' sakes. Nobody really knows what any particular baby is going to need when it gets here, apart from a few obvious essentials.
We never intended to formula feed, and when we had to, we went through several different brands before we settled on one that didn't upset her stomach. We would have wasted hundreds of dollars had we bought the wrong type in advance. She was bigger than average, so more than a couple of boxes of newborn diapers would have been overkill. Same with too many newborn onsies.
You may have a bouncy and a pack and play and a crib, only to find out the baby will only settle down in a sling and a bassinet.
You need the things KAAC has already listed, that she says she has, and then you figure it out as you go along. Geez, you can even buy the wrong type of bottles before you know which one suits YOUR particular baby.
Buying much of anything in advance, apart from the basics - which despite what everyone tries to sell you is not that much - can be a costly mistake, you grow your equipment with the baby. Besides, nobody tells you either that most of it is totally useless 6 months out. So if you can use a couch instead of a changing table, or a sink instead of a fancy baby bath, I say go for it, especially if money is tight.
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