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Since the "bragging" started before her son lost his job, I wouldn't think much of it. Either choose to not let it bother you or choose to not be around her. You can always have your boyfriend take the baby to see her if you can't handle that she likes to talk about her things.
I can't say for sure but she may be trying to fill a void in her life with things. That's what my step mother was doing. I hear her kids had one heck of a garage sale after she died.
I'm also going to guess she is not comfortable with the fact you and her son have been dating for less than a year and have a baby due in three weeks. I'm going to guess the baby was not planned. Your whole situation seems unstable to me. It's not like you were a long term couple who decided to have a baby. You'd been dating, maybe, three months when you got pregnant.
No no, we were dating for almost a year BEFORE I got pregnant.
No no, we were dating for almost a year BEFORE I got pregnant.
How much a part of his mom's life have you been as a couple?
Honestly, if you want your baby to have a relationship with her, then make it happen. You'll need to let go of her preoccupation with things. It sounds like that's just the way she is. For better or for worse, she is the grandmother you chose for this baby. You picked her when you decided to have a baby with her son.
Who knows what is going through her head. Maybe she thinks you're trying to trap her son? Maybe she's scared about getting close to a baby that can be taken away in a heartbeat. Maybe her things give her comfort.
You need to worry about you and your baby not her. She's going to do what she's going to do and it's no skin off of your nose what she does. She owes you nothing. You owe it to your daughter to make sure she has a relationship with her grandmother. So, go visit her after the baby is born and take it from there.
How much a part of his mom's life have you been as a couple?
We used to hang out and she used to come over to our place but once her boyfriend moved in with her things got really awkward because the sons thinks he is using her for her money...and I think so too but that's another story. Anyway, the man doesn't like the sons, will spare no words to criticize my boyfriend in front of me while his mom sits there and says nothing....and bad mouths her ex husband too and say he wants to kick the s**t out of him (he doesn't know him). It is just too frickin weird.
We invited her to do something a while ago, JUST HER and we made it clear it was just HER and she brought him along.
To the OP, I hear where you're coming from, but I think you should just accept the woman for who and what she is and not worry about it. Yeah, her bragging might annoy you, you might feel like she could be more motherly, but she's not going to change. So either you can just be nice and cordial and graciously accept whatever she chooses to do, or you can sit around seething with anger and bitterness.
My ex's mom and I were not close either, even after her granddaughter was born. She never called, never visited, and never showed any real interest in my daughter. I think I left my daughter with her once, for a few hours when she was small, and she complained about every little thing my daughter did, from wanting a bottle to messing up her diaper. I used to find it so ironic that my own mom, who was very sick, wanted more than anything to be able to keep her grandchild, and the grandmother that could didn't care to. It bothered me most after my mom died, and that was my daughter's only grandparent and she didn't even know her. I wouldn't have cared if she bought anything or not, if only she had wanted to be a part of her grandchild's life. But I accepted that that was the way she was. She had her own personal issues that caused her not to be involved in anyone's life, and even though it made me sad sometimes, I didn't take it personally. When she died, I debated on even letting my daughter go to the funeral, and I ended up letting her, even though she never understood that it was her grandmother who died. She really had not one memory of her.
So if that's just how this woman is, just accept it and be grateful that your child will at least know her grandmother. She may not be the kind of grandma who bakes cookies and sews, but she is the only grandma this child will know, so for your child's sake, don't focus on everything negative about her. I have a sister who will never babysit for my daughter, or take her anywhere, but she does like buying clothes for her, so I'm grateful for that much. I have an aunt who loves buying frilly, ruffly girly girl dresses that my daughter just might get one wear out of, but she doesn't babysit, give presents, or even hardly see her. I could gripe and demand that she buy clothes that she could at least wear to school, but I don't complain. That's what she likes to do, so I'm glad she does that much. My other sister babysits any time I need her to, but rarely buys her anything. She will, however, cook dinner for us and invite us over. People help out in different ways. Maybe your baby's grandmother will find a way that she's comfortable with in being a part of her grandchild's life. Whatever it is, just be grateful, and maybe you and your boyfriend should both remember that one day she may not be around anymore, and that's when all the things you could have done differently will occur to you, too late. Don't let that happen.
To the OP, I hear where you're coming from, but I think you should just accept the woman for who and what she is and not worry about it. Yeah, her bragging might annoy you, you might feel like she could be more motherly, but she's not going to change. So either you can just be nice and cordial and graciously accept whatever she chooses to do, or you can sit around seething with anger and bitterness.
I think I will just let it go...just like I did with my mother and the fact that she has never been present in my life. It is sad and it is something I struggle with everyday but I think needs to be done.
The OP is about to give birth, she's had a stressful high risk pregnancy, her mother is not in the picture, her virtual MIL is so self centered she can't see that it's in poor taste to brag about things when her son and virtual DIL are worried silly about providing for their child, she's already suffered through an abusive marriage so doesn't want to make that mistake again, her boyfriend has served for 10 years and now can't find a job, so she's running herself ragged trying to support them - and it makes NO difference now how long they've been together before they had the baby.
They're having the baby - no changing that, she's stressed, and for good reason, so a little more compassion and less fortune telling might go a long way.
The OP is about to give birth, she's had a stressful high risk pregnancy, her mother is not in the picture, her virtual MIL is so self centered she can't see that it's in poor taste to brag about things when her son and virtual DIL are worried silly about providing for their child, she's already suffered through an abusive marriage so doesn't want to make that mistake again, her boyfriend has served for 10 years and now can't find a job, so she's running herself ragged trying to support them - and it makes NO difference now how long they've been together before they had the baby.
They're having the baby - no changing that, she's stressed, and for good reason, so a little more compassion and less fortune telling might go a long way.
The "fortune telling" is in regard to how her boyfriend's mother might feel. I know I would not be all warm and fuzzy if my step son were in this situation. In fact...he was... and it's been a mess from the word go.
It's not a great situation and his mother may not be up to dealing with it. Personally, I think they have bigger issues than her to deal with. I think the OP is wasting energy on things she can't change when she needs to be worried about the ones that have to change before her baby ends up homeless. For all we know, grandma may be concerned she's going to have house guests soon...or maybe she wants them...could be she's bragging to let them know how well off her home is... Mom's new boyfriend sounds like a show stopper though.
I do feel for young couples who find themselves in these sitatuations but, alas, it is their hole to dig out of. Life doesn't owe you anything just because you had a baby. It would be nice if it worked that way but it doesn't. You end up owing life. On top of everything else, add diapers, bottles, day care costs....
We used to hang out and she used to come over to our place but once her boyfriend moved in with her things got really awkward because the sons thinks he is using her for her money...and I think so too but that's another story. Anyway, the man doesn't like the sons, will spare no words to criticize my boyfriend in front of me while his mom sits there and says nothing....and bad mouths her ex husband too and say he wants to kick the s**t out of him (he doesn't know him). It is just too frickin weird.
We invited her to do something a while ago, JUST HER and we made it clear it was just HER and she brought him along.
It is a bit uncomfortable.
You can't tell her to exclude her SO. How would you feel if she extended an invitation to her son but not to you and made it clear you were to be excluded?
If she waits until things look like they're going to last before she makes an emotional commitment, the child might be 18 at that point.
But MILs do this. My children's bio mother did it. When I confronted her, she told me outright that she didn't want to get emotionally attached. Honestly, she had every right to protect herself emotionally. I was doing everything I could to lock the abusive loser in jail for eternity---I didn't keep that a secret. I had him thrown in jail twice while I was pregnant. She was older and wiser than me. She knew darn well that I wouldn't be able to allow my children to continue a relationship with her at some point in the future. Doing so would have put them at risk.
She finally met my children three or four years ago. I ran into her accidently while grocery shopping. I immediately hugged her and apologized, explaining I couldn't take the risk. I wanted her to meet them but I feared she would reveal our location. She assured me she wouldn't---she had finally cut off contact with him herself eight years earlier. And she told me that she completely understood, all along, why I had done what I did, that she expected I would do it from the beginning and she felt I did the right thing. My children and her have been enjoying getting to know each other over these past few years.
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Originally Posted by seain dublin
While that is insensitive considering your situation if that is how she talks all the time then I would avoid her.
When I got laid off the first time several years ago I had a "friend" who would go and on about a trip they were taking, how lavish their company Christmas party was, etc.
Knowing I was out of work and worried about the future.
I decided this was not someone I needed to be around and ended the friendship.
It's a shame you ended a friendship over that. I struggled financially as a single mother in the very early years. When my friends went on vacations, I never felt jealous. They deserved them. Ironically, once I finally gained financial stability, one of those friends was jealous that I was going on vacation one year when she couldn't. I wasn't jealous when she could go on vacation and I couldn't. She shouldn't have been jealous when I could go on vacation. After everything I had been through, I would expect my friends would be thrilled for me---just as I was thrilled for them. I have never understood jealous people.
The OP is about to give birth, she's had a stressful high risk pregnancy, her mother is not in the picture, her virtual MIL is so self centered she can't see that it's in poor taste to brag about things when her son and virtual DIL are worried silly about providing for their child, she's already suffered through an abusive marriage so doesn't want to make that mistake again, her boyfriend has served for 10 years and now can't find a job, so she's running herself ragged trying to support them - and it makes NO difference now how long they've been together before they had the baby.
They're having the baby - no changing that, she's stressed, and for good reason, so a little more compassion and less fortune telling might go a long way.
Thanks...
We are both stressed. He just wants to be a good dad and he thinks he is a failure for not having a job now and he's afraid he won't have one by the time she is here.
I work really hard, I got a raise this past week, my first one ever (besides when I was in the Army) and I was so happy because I give 100% at work and it felt good to be recognized for my work. I am fairly new with the company and that made things extra special. It is not much but it is better than nothing.
My doctor admitted me to the hospital a couple weeks ago because of my blood pressure and swollen feet. She wanted me to stay at the hospital until I gave birth but I had to tell her I couldn't stay there because otherwise we'd have no money. She understood and said I'd have to go back to the hospital if I didn't get better - thankfully my health is slightly better now. My bf feels like s**t over the fact that I am working and he isn't. The look on his face says it all. He is desperate looking for a job. He applies and applies and nobody calls back.
Times are difficult. He's thinking about going back in the Military (even though he really doesn't want to) because he doesn't want us to struggle anymore. He wants to provide for her.
My world is upside down right now. It's hard to put in words, it's like we've been hit with a ton of bricks.
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Mom's new boyfriend sounds like a show stopper though.
