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But it's equally disrespectful not to allow your child to dress in a way that feels comfortable to them, or to refuse to allow them to do an activity that isn't generally accepted for their gender. A parent's respect (or lack thereof) is in their actions just as much as their words. A parent who refuses to address their child by their preferred pronoun, for example, IS being disrespectful, hurtful, and cruel, no matter how they frame it.
Not in all cases. Is it disrespectful to allow a 16 year old girl to go out with the tighest clothes she could find? In this case it's looking out for her.
Schools in my district have uniforms- I can't send my son to school with a female uniform on. It's uncomfortable to them,but some times we have to look out for our kids in situations like this.
When their home, that's a different story, I don't know how I would react if I saw my son wearing a dress, I wouldn't disown him or disrespect him, but it would send me back.
Not in all cases. Is it disrespectful to allow a 16 year old girl to go out with the tighest clothes she could find? In this case it's looking out for her.
Schools in my district have uniforms- I can't send my son to school with a female uniform on. It's uncomfortable to them,but some times we have to look out for our kids in situations like this.
When their home, that's a different story, I don't know how I would react if I saw my son wearing a dress, I wouldn't disown him or disrespect him, but it would send me back.
A child wanting to wear tight, revealing clothing isn't the same thing...at all. And yes, you may need to explain to a child that they can't wear opposite gender clothing to school (though some children DO wear it with full support from their parents.) That's not the same thing as refusing to allow them to wear opposite gendered clothing because the parent isn't comfortable with it. As I said before, it is vitally important that home is a safe harbor.
Parents in general also sometimes make the mistake of assuming a child is invested in fitting in because the parent would be, or because everyone is supposed to care about that. Some children are very sensitive to peer pressure and need protective camouflage to survive in this world. But when I was a child I honestly didn't care if I got teased or what people thought. That's not because I'm stronger but because I genuinely have less of a need for social contact so the reactions of others tend to pass me straight by.
So while a parent may need to help with protective camouflage while a child is young, at some point the child is the one who has to decide how much they care and what they're willing to sacrifice to fit in. And if the parent isn't willing to let them, that's coming from the parent's own shame, not the child's...it's another case of giving your own issues to your child and making them carry it
The strength a parent can give a child just by loving and accepting them can be immense. It can make such a remarkable difference. A parent who claims to respect how the child feels but requires the child to hid at home is just lying. I can understand feeling confused or sad or upset if your child decided they were transgendered. That's okay...but it so vital to understand those feelings are yours and your child doesn't need to carry them. If anyone needs some counseling and help in that situation, it's the parent so they can come to terms with things without punishing the child.
Perhaps from the point of view of the disapproving parents. From the point of view of the disapproved of or disowned child the gap is very narrow indeed.
I don't think so. My family has huge issues with certain areas of how I live my life. I know they have those huge issues. I know they don't support my decisions. I know they don't respect my decisions. I also know why they feel the way they do. I know they still love me, and that won't stop. This is the same with many people I know whose families have different issues with them. By the way, to some, the issue my family has with me is not as big as being transgender. However, to my family, the issue is even bigger than that.
I am curious for those that said they would just accept it, would you question why or just accept? Would just think that's just how they are or dig into why they feel or think that way?
I do not have any children, however, if I did I would not approve, but that does not mean I would disown them.
I don't think this type of news would come as an out of the blue bombshell. I do think that if the parents are tuned into their kid at all that they would know that this could be a possibility for that child. It's not like the child just wakes up one day and makes a decision to be "different", they have been feeling that way for a long time...and the parents know.
That said, I don't really understand the rapid fire disowning or the complete lack of acceptance that some parents might feel. The reality hasn't really changed for the kid, it has just been voiced. It might be foreign territory for the parent, but it's hardly the end of the world.
I probably would ask some questions but I don't think I'd feel the need to be completely comfortable with the whole thing right away or that I'd need to get into the fine details as to "why". In other words, I think there are times when you just have to cope, accept, deal and love no matter what. This would be one of them.
No I would not question why. Do you question why the sun rises every day?
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Is it just as easy as okay I don't like it, but you are my child and I love you regardless, or would you also want to know why they feel or think as they do?
I would want them to know that I love them exactly as they are. That I trust them to make the right decisions. That if they ever need me, I am right here for them.
I don't think so. My family has huge issues with certain areas of how I live my life. I know they have those huge issues. I know they don't support my decisions. I know they don't respect my decisions. I also know why they feel the way they do. I know they still love me, and that won't stop. This is the same with many people I know whose families have different issues with them. By the way, to some, the issue my family has with me is not as big as being transgender. However, to my family, the issue is even bigger than that.
It has nothing to do with family not supporting decisions you have made, it has to do with parents not supporting who you are & demanding that you hide it so that they can maintain their denial.
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Originally Posted by alphamale
That being said....many transgendered people were sexually abused as children.
& thousands more heterosexual, non trans-gendered people have been sexually abused. What was the point of this comment?
You stated this so clear. It's so touching to hear personal testimony. Often people believe they have the answer to solve other people's problems without even fully understanding what's going on or how that person feels.
People make it too much of a habit trying to blame a persons sexuality on how they were raised. Why did something have to happen in their childhood to make them transgender ? Why can't they just be that way of their own free will? And I'm sure that people who's children were abused never thought it would happen to them either. . .hmph.
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