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Mine was the same way at that age - very slow getting ready, took long showers. He's 16 now and he doesn't have that problem anymore. I guess he grew out of it. Or he probably got tired of hearing my mouth!
I had to get him up earlier, bang on the bathroom door when he was taking too long in the shower, bang on his bedroom door when he was taking too long to get dressed and stay on him to get him out the door in the morning. I don't think at that age, he had a strong concept of time, you know? Like he couldn't grasp that he needed to be somewhere at a certain time and it was not going to wait for him when he decided to show up.
He grew out of it, but I had an aunt who was never on time for anything and she was well into her 50s. I remember she and my mother had to catch a flight somewhere and they almost missed it because she was late.
And it's not a punishment, it's a consequence. Punishments and natural cosequences are not the same thing.
If you get fired for being late, it's not a punishment. It's a consequence of you not holding up your end of your agreement.
Being on time is an invaluable life skill. If you don't have it, you become worse than tardy, you become unreliable. Unreliable is poison in the working/adult world.
But it wouldn't work, the doorman/dropoff aide/whatever would just send the kid right back to the car, thereby requiring the parent to drive them home and get the appropriate clothes and then drive back, which would make the kid even more late to school. So please explain how bringing a student not fully clothed to school would teach him to be faster in the morning, it would make you more late. And in elementary/middle school most of the responsibility for tardies is on the parents' shoulders if the student does not take the bus or cannot get to school on their own. So how would this work at all?
A 13 year old boy doesn't need 45 minutes to shower. Jeez Louise.
No, he doesn't NEED 45 minutes to shower, but maybe he LIKES taking his time?
Like 10 minutes to wake up, get undressed, and prepared, 20 minutes actually showering, 10 minutes air-drying so he does not make himself itchy, and 5 minutes getting changed.
Like 10 minutes to wake up, get undressed, and prepared, 20 minutes actually showering, 10 minutes air-drying so he does not make himself itchy, and 5 minutes getting changed.
10 minutes to air dry? Does this kid not have a towel to use? I doubt anyone is asking him to put on his clothes while he's still dripping wet from the shower. And if its taking 5 minutes to get his clothes on, another suggestion could be to decide the night before what clothes he is going to wear. That way he won't be taking so long to get dressed after already spending 10 minutes drying off.
10 minutes to air dry? Does this kid not have a towel to use? I doubt anyone is asking him to put on his clothes while he's still dripping wet from the shower. And if its taking 5 minutes to get his clothes on, another suggestion could be to decide the night before what clothes he is going to wear. That way he won't be taking so long to get dressed after already spending 10 minutes drying off.
Even if it only took him 1 minute to put his clothes on, that still wouldn't save much time.
And I find that using a towel to dry makes me itchy afterwards, so I air dry instead.
You've gotten a huge amount of replies, and I won't read them to see if I have anything new to add.
I will just give you an idea of how I handled this same issue with 3 boys. (I was their nanny)
Your son is 13, old enough to responsible for his schedule. Because he is responsible for doing chores around the house (kudos to you. All kids need to participate in running the house, it's vital!)
The yelling doesn't work - for any age. (except for dampening their spirit and causing resentment).
Consider having a meeting, state the problem clearly, acknowledge the current system doesn't work,
and open the floor for his ideas on what can improve the morning routine. Listen respectfully, calmly to any complaint. (Think about how you feel, when someone listens to you well.) Work together to make any
appropriate alterations to the morning routine, and make it clear what the consequences are for lack
of cooperation/lateness.
Consider natural consequences, for example. Does he miss the bus? Then he walks/bikes (if safe). Would you have to drive him? Then he needs to pay. Is it too late for breakfast mom prepared? Then he'll have to make his own and eat on the run, or go hungry.
Does this make him late for school? Let him be late. It goes on his tardy record, and after enough tardies, the school usually gives consequences to the student.
Consider stepping back quite a bit.....lay the burden on him. Right now, he's got 2 parents who "make" him wake up, get up, get dressed....etc. I assume he has his own alarm clock? He must use it. And he gets one, and only one parent wake-up call. (when he knows his mom or dad are going to keep at him....then he doesn't have to get up right away - he gets several chances. When it's completely up to him to get moving or else risk missing 1st period Math...complete with having to get a tardy, having to use his study hall/recess to run down the teacher to ask for the homework assignment, etc.
Natural consequences may not provide instant results, but they are powerful lessons.
Of course, any chores that don't get done.....follow through with whatever consequence seem fitting. Certainly, no tv, electronics, friends....until chores are done.
Also, is he getting enough sleep? A lot of parents would be surprised to know that teens often need ten hours of sleep! (And it is true that teens biological rhythms tend to run strongly to being a night owls -
it's just the way their brain works for a few years.)
Does he have a cell phone? Teens will leave it on all night....waking up several times to respond to texts during the night, so their quality of sleep sucks. If he can't keep the cell off, then it needs to get turned in to you for the night.
Computer in the room? Same deal - only with Skpe or it's equivalent.
Video game console? he could be playing during the night, or accessing the internet, skyping friends.
Also, watching tv and even more so - video games played right before bed will interfere with the melatonin production (the hormone that begins preparing our bodies for sleep). It's not just the bright light (worse if it's big screen tv) delaying the melatonin, but the stimulation of tv/video games that activate a stress response in the body (he's 13, so probably plays action and/or war games). Even though the games aren't real....they do induce some very real changes in the body chemistry because of the high level of emotional response from the games. It's hard to come down from the adrenaline and other chemicals that are triggered.
In short: check to make sure his environment is conducive to quality sleep.
Involve him in the problem solving process. "Son, the mornings are just too stressful - for you and for us. What do you think of the situation, and what can be done to help improve it?
Well, I don't know if that helps. It's all rather generalized since I don't know your sons personality.
I'm happy to answer any questions you might want to ask.
Oh, and another thought, (I don't remember exactly what you said) about punishments you've given to him. One of the teens I cared for stopped doing homework. Stopping logging the assignments, didn't bring it home, lied about it, etc...for most of a school year. His parents and I all tried taking away privileges....a week without video games, a week without friends, 2 weeks, a month, 2 months....etc. Well, we didn't notice that we didn't notice that the punishment tally got so big that Alex just quit
caring.....even if he did all of his homework that week....he still had several weeks without any video games..so why try?
We called a do-over, admitted the discipline system wasn't working, and came up with a new one.
Instead of starting in the hole, Alex started at 0. If he wrote down all of his assignments, and homework was completed on time, he had all of his privileges that weekend. If not, no privileges that weekend until he showed us the work was made up.
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Last edited by Jaded; 08-18-2013 at 10:56 PM..
Reason: Please don't post personal info on the public forums
I didn't read through all the posts but as long as you "keep on him" he isn't going to take responsibility for himself. Get him an alarm clock, let him get himself up. If his things aren't done when the bus comes, guess he walks to school. If he leaves for school without doing his jobs in the morning, I guess he's grounded when he comes home and can't play with friends, etc. One day walking to school will get him motivated
My son started 7th grade, he will be 13 in November.
For as long as we can remember, he has never been in any sort of hurry in the morning.
She doesn't like to yell at him and keep on him in the morning.
What do other parents do to get their young ones motivated to get ready in the morning?
We wake him up at 6 (6:30 at the latest), and he needs to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school on time.
Here is what he needs to do in the morning:
-feed dogs and let them outside. The night before he puts the food in the dog bowls and leaves them in the garage. So all he needs to do is grab the bowls and set them down. Once they eat, he just has to open the kitchen door and they go outside on their own.
-take a shower. I know that this can be done at night to save time, but his hair will look greasy if he showers the night before. It is best for him to shower in the morning.
-scoop the litter box. This is done twice daily, so we aren't talking like a lot of stuff to scoop
-eat breakfast. my wife makes him breakfast every morning
So that is it. But she is constantly telling to eat faster, to not take 5 minutes putting shoes on, etc.
There is no real sense of urgency with him
We need advice. As it is, we don't allow him to use electronics during the week. So he can't play video games or on his computer. Unless he needs to go online for school, of course.
What kind of consequences can we give him?
My suggestion is to lock him in his room until he turns 18 and then turn him loose. j/k. My daughter has the same problem with all of her male children. I have no answers as my son was an early riser. He is almost 50 now. I agree it is frustrating, the chores sound very similar. Good luck.
Reward him for being fast. Also, you expect him to do too much. Take away some of those dang chores! He is not slow you just expect too much before school.
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raised 3 teen boys
