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ScarletG,
I never said people with the same exact skin tone cannot have cultural differences-I was alluding to the fact that skin tone is not strictly indicative of culture, in fact I said, cultural differences have NOTHING to do with skin color(only the perceived aesthetic illusion that is only a facade)-as for the rest of your post,you are really twisting my words around to conform to your argument..you missed the point..plain and simple,so that's YOUR problem
My daughter is 17 and she's dating a young black man who is also 17. They go to the same school. Now I know in this PC- orientated world, people will immediately claim I'm a racist. Personally, I don't think I am. Racism has somewhat lost its meaning due to the rise of liberalism... it used to mean someone who believes in racial superiority and discriminates against people of a different race. I do neither. I'm just not comfortable with the idea of her being with the guys she's with. Call me old school if you like. And before people shout "racist" down my throat - Arab Muslims only want their children to date/marry other Arab Muslims. Is that racist?
But you *are* discriminating against others by race, if someone's race is the reason they can't date your daughter.
And yes, this applies to everyone -- whether they're Irish white or Arab Muslim. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Thank you for being a voice of reason in a sea of overreaction. And what you say about people feeling the same way if it was their own child is so true. I know a couple who claimed to have nothing against homosexuality but when it turned out their son was gay, they had a problem with it. Hypocrites.
My daughter has been dating a young man of a different race for 3 years now. They are likely to get married once they are better established in their careers as he is finishing his graduate degree now. He is a bright, considerate young man, and my daughter has chosen wisely. His parents are wonderful to my daughter.
My "only" concern is the reaction they may get from people like you. I can tell you this--when I thought some of my extended family might react poorly to him, I was fully prepared to walk out of a family event.
I am not a Liberal, but even I do not agree with your perception that "Racism"/"Racist" has lost its meaning.
As it is, I don't know how you can argue that you are not a Racist when racism does mean having racial prejudice. You've yet to speak anything of this boy, other than the fact that he's black. You've brought out the stats which you use to base your prejudice on, but you don't even say if the boy is just as guilty as those stats prove (well, other than the skin color). You've mention your daughter, that she's a good girl, capable and smart... You don't trust her judgment? She's 17 now, nearly an adult.
I get that you're not comfortable, obviously this is something very different than you're used to. But don't hold fast to your prejudice and don't hold it over your daughter. Head over to the Nonpersonal relationship forum and read up on the Boer girl who just recently updated her situation which is an even extreme version of yours. Do you want to be that father?
OP, you are racist. It doesn't matter if your neighbor and my neighbor are both racists, it isn't a popular thing to be. I would be very careful in expressing this to your daughter since she will more likely than not rebel if you put up barriers based on race. She may be under your roof now but the day will come when she isn't.
You seem to think that presenting other scenarios will make you not racist. Ah, that isn't going to work since you have proclaimed yourself that already. You don't want give someone a chance because of the color of their skin, what the heck do you call that?
I really don't believe I'm racist at all - just like I wouldn't believe the Arab who didn't want his son to marry my daughter is racist. I would understand it completely.
My daughter has been dating a young man of a different race for 3 years now. They are likely to get married once they are better established in their careers as he is finishing his graduate degree now. He is a bright, considerate young man, and my daughter has chosen wisely. His parents are wonderful to my daughter.
My "only" concern is the reaction they may get from people like you. I can tell you this--when I thought some of my extended family might react poorly to him, I was fully prepared to walk out of a family event.
Well that's great and I wish you and your family well. But I don't see how that immediately invalidates my concerns? People here seem to think interracial unions are studded in gold when they are clearly not. There are pertinent issues.
Not necessarily-you are definitely prejudiced,but everyone is,if they say they're not,they are lying..at least you are being honest..I am a child from a multicultural relationship and I think there is reason to be concerned. People with no experience in these types of situations may look from the outside in and say"whats wrong with biracial dating?" well-nothing,but there are HUGE cultural differences that need to be addressed and I have grown up seeing an incredibly difficult marriage unfold,my parents really didn't discuss a lot of things before they got married and they had opposite views on very important issues. One might think that white and black people don't have cultural differences because they are from the same country-but there will be differences as your daughter will learn. It's more complicated than people want to admit,but that has nothing to do with skin color. The fact is,if you allow her to date,you can't tell her who she can and can't date. If anything,you should be concerned about whether she is sexually active,have you talked to her about birth control? Does she know the consequences of sexual intercourse and making sure he's been tested for STDs if they decide to go that route? Do you both communicate openly with one another? I would be more concerned about an unwanted pregnancy than anything else.
My spouse and I are the same race and the same age. We were raised in different areas of the same state. There were and are plenty of cultural differences when it came to many things. Families of origins for spouses often have different customs, expectations, etc. As long as one understands this going into a relationship and can discuss it openly, considerately and with appreciation for the other it works out.
I believe there is a terminology issue. I strongly believe that all people, white, yellow and black, should have same rights and should not be banned from any opportunity. So, on the mental level, I'm not a racist at all. And, I also strongly believe that people with of certain origin should not have preferences such as better chances to get federal fin aid, get accepted to the good college with lousy GPA. So I'm total for equality and justice. For all. Without forgiveness for those who suffered.
On a personal, emotional level, I would prefer my daughter to date and marry a person of same as we color - other thighs equal. But if she finds a wonderful, intelligent, culturally rich, responsible, kind black or yellow male with a sense of humor, I'll accept and probably will love him, if he will make my daughter happy. So, I consider I have my prejudices, but they can be easily overturned after I make a personal contact with people. They should not be their-color-racists, though.
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