Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There's not a single excuse you can give that will make this better. If you were that unhappy, you should have told your husband and divorced him. Period.
Then you took the house from him, even though you have a job and could pay for another one, so now your ex has to ....
took the house? it is not like this wasn't part of a legal proceeding decree...
I feel sorry for the dad/ex in all this. Let's see, he builds a home for his family. Then has a stroke and has the use of only one hand. Wife cheats on him. Takes the house he built. Yet somehow she's a saint and he's a villain. Wonder what would be said if this were turned around and she had the stroke and he cheated. Yep most of the posts would be slamming him for cheating on her.
And we have no information from him or the daughter on what happened. Just one side. There's more here.
The OP likely got the house in the divorce settlement because she worked for 18 years to pay for it, or because she bought out his half. Not sure why so much is being made about that particular detail.
As I have learned from many precedents involving a reversal of the genders, money earned by one spouse while the other spouse stays at home is still considered marital income, regardless of whether or not the stay at home spouse kept a clean house.
Last edited by Fifty Seven; 09-29-2016 at 01:10 PM..
As I have learned from many precedents involving a reversal of the genders, marriage earned by one spouse while the other spouse stays at home is still considered marital income, regardless of whether the stay at home spouse kept a clean house.
Usually these are mutual decisions. In this case , it doesn't sound that way.
Time. Let her fly and spread her wings. She will quickly find out life with dad isn't so hot or it will be because she will be his princess. There's nothing you can do to change her mind. She may change her mind in the future and she may not. All you can do is say that you'll be there to talk when she's ready. Might take a year. Might take 20. Might never happen.
She's an adult and she has the right to cut people out of her life. She doesn't like what happened between her parents and you're taking the brunt of it. One of you was going to draw the short straw in this situation. My sister is like her. Our mother can't say a single thing negative about her dad or else she goes off the handle. She has him up on a pedestal and has him nominated for sainthood. She has a VERY short memory.
This sense of "happy" entitlement is why the divorce rate is so high. We were never promised romantic happiness. Our marriage vows of better or worse are never just simple words. The example you gave to your daughter is even more heartbreaking. Now she not only knows that you can choose a stranger over family, but that it's A-OK to cheat and break a sacred vow.
Sure if she had time for an affair she could have had time for a couple of more jobs so that the husband, daughter and grandson could live more comfortably off of her. I mean they need to do the stuff in their lives and having her around to care and support them would have made them all the more comfortable.
If her husband refused to go to work for more than a decade after he was declared able then he was not pulling his share of the family. Why should anyone have to be a martyr so others can enjoy their life the way they want to? Under your idea the OP would never have been able to have enjoyment and happiness in her life because keeping together would be more important regardless of any misery that either or both suffered. I have been married for 41 years and if either my wife or I were unhappy with it I would rather us both be happy separate than miserable together. Her choice was for some happiness that she was not getting at home and supporting a man able to work for 16 years is not exactly choosing a stranger over family. It was choosing a man that wanted her over a man that wanted her money and housework.
This sense of "happy" entitlement is why the divorce rate is so high. We were never promised romantic happiness. Our marriage vows of better or worse are never just simple words.
And yay for that and the ability to get out of awful situations... unlike the old days when hardly anyone got divorced and so many lived lives of quiet desperation with partners who took them for granted and treated them like dirt.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,763,058 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marachino
This sense of "happy" entitlement is why the divorce rate is so high. We were never promised romantic happiness. Our marriage vows of better or worse are never just simple words. The example you gave to your daughter is even more heartbreaking. Now she not only knows that you can choose a stranger over family, but that it's A-OK to cheat and break a sacred vow.
Pump the brakes. Even though I think the mother was wrong for having the affair, the circumstances where he was abusive and not actively working in any capacity to keep the well-being of those in the home up would be a deal breaker for most emotionally healthy people. If you don't keep your end of the vows up the other party should not have to keeps theirs and they should be able to divorce. My beef is HOW she broke the marriage up not THAT she broke the marriage up.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
