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I've done both and think some kind of part-time work, with flexibility and/or doing it from home, is better.
For many, staying at home is NOT a luxury but a necessity. From lower through middle class, childcare is going to ruin the budget unless you have a relative or nice old lady who gives you a DEAL on it and is utterly reliable, not needing time off and willing to watch very sick children. Otherwise, you can have 1 child every 5 years, then start over again once that previous child is in full-day school. If you don't want to start the baby thing all.over.again, you can just bite the bullet, have your kids, and stay at home until they're all in school.
But even then, sick kids are going to be a problem for working unless your job is flexible... and it's unlikely to be flexible when you're new. I was fired from a few jobs because of having to pick up a sick child or having no childcare for a snow day or half day. SOMEONE has to pick them up or be home... and that someone is going to be the parent with less to lose.
When they're old enough to stay home alone, this is less of a problem... but school vacations and the summer holidays are a killer. How do you balance that, without family to pick up the slack? Even so, you'll pay them... but then you're probably not taking home much, if anything, for those 2 months. And even relatives aren't reliable sitters in the summer; they have lives too. They want to go here and there and enjoy their summer.
It's easier on the budget and schedules, generally, if one person defers to the needs of everyone else.
I LOVE working. I enjoy the pride of earning an income and feeling valuable and contributing... but I always have to quit in the summer. Summer day camps are insanely expensive.
Staying at home is generally monotonous when it's not a luxury. You are acutely aware that you do not bring in an income so there is guilt at spending anything... "Not only do I not MAKE money but my expenses are a drain on the ONLY income we have." When people say "Take care of yourself; pamper a bit!," that's nice and all... but not realistic in practice. Your whole job is to take care of others and make your own needs as little a burden to anyone else as possible. Because you already have the luuuxury of staying at home, so you should be satisfied.
That is not the case. And very few SAHMs, clinging to whatever dignity they have left, are going to say that they really stay home out of financial necessity... after all, it is often the ONLY "luxury" they have. Those non-luxury SAHMs are going to bear it and grin, hide the bad parts, and only show the good parts. The Ladies' Night or manicure is going to the top of the public-viewing list.
Exactly - and I’m someone who benefited from an H1-B 20 years ago (citizen now). While sometimes abused it’s usually roles that can be outsourced or offshored at risk.
To your other comment -
Exhaustion takes multiple forms. Physical. Mental. Emotional. My wife is frequently mentally exhausted from work (as am I) as it is all consuming from the start of our day until the end. I’m sure you know the same - it’s 3pm and you haven’t even had time to use the bathroom much less have lunch. And you’re behind and need to do more emails at night...
Well said.
The only foreign born people we have doing IT work are people who are doing sort of routine work. Network engineering and some coding for a mainframe. The rest of the work requires a different skill set. In my outside of the office knowledge, some programming tasks get offshored. But many companies have been burned by this. The cheap cost often comes at a cost of fixing the work. Also, getting the work done right the first time requires so much micromanagement it becomes equally expensive. I don't think you can write software or web applications properly without a good understanding of business processes; often which requires a lot of social literacy to the culture you work with and are trying to reach. What I mean to say is that kind of knowledge is not really outsourceable. It's a similar idea to "street smarts." You either have it, or you don't.
So instead of pretending that we aren't a partnership we pick the things that really mattered and we honor that for each other. So he empties the dishwasher in the morning, so the kids and I can load it throughout the day, and I will buy ingredients that I think are overly expensive and pointless.
That's a good way to handle it. We are equals but that's not the same thing as doing everything equally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
But it is a fact that even in homes where the work load is even (i.e. both people work outside the home and both do similar levels of chores) women are still more likely to be responsible for far more of the "other" like remembering to take the kids, pets, etc to doctors, dentists, sports, etc.
I read an article about this once. They say women bear the emotional load. An easy way to make the analogy is when you have to ask someone to do some chore 10 times before they get it done. It took more effort to remind them then doing it yourself. In home responsibilities that might translate into the person who makes the doctor's appointments, remembers the school holidays and plans accordingly, the person who pays the bills and manages finances.
If you mean I prefer to correct people when they are completely misinformed, then you are correct.
You are slandering an ENTIRE field of working professionals AND targeting foreign workers with xenophobic remarks, but I'M the one who is "completely misinformed"? Please.
And I know my fact based post pissed you off and hit close to home, revealing you as one of the bitter SAHMs that people are talking about in this very thread, because it's too early in the morning for you to be responding to so many posts so quickly, especially if you have a JOB that you have to get ready for or commute to.
Now get off City-Data, step away from the keyboard, and go take care of the kids, before your husband figures out you don't really do anything at home all day, revokes your SAHM status, and makes you get off your lazy butt and go get a job at Walmart as a door greeter.
Enjoy your (obviously) leisurely morning. I have a job to go to, so I can go make some money. I'm a responsible adult who earns an income; I don't like to have to depend on others for an allowance. I grew out of that when I was 12.
But even if I didn't, in a partnership you need to find the middle ground. My husband would let dishes sit in the sink until they grow mold. Actually, he wouldn't clean anything. He once "forgot" to clean our bathroom while I was at sea for over a month to such a degree that algae was growing in the toilet. Cleaning is never a priority for him. If we followed your example I would have to do everything and he would do nothing.
Meanwhile, I don't particularly care what we eat. My husband otoh, is a big foodie. He has certain wants with regards to food that are of low priority to me. Because we are partners I respect that those priorities while not being mine, are still important to us as a family. So while I don't care if the butter is irish or not, I know he does and will go out of my way to meet that need of his. And that one extend from groceries to where we eat to even where we vacation. According to you, we shouldn't be going to the fancy restaurants he likes since I have little interest right? Or even if he wants to put truffles in the pasta, I can avoid picking them up at the high end market on my way home from work since it is a higher priority for him?
So instead of pretending that we aren't a partnership we pick the things that really mattered and we honor that for each other. So he empties the dishwasher in the morning, so the kids and I can load it throughout the day, and I will buy ingredients that I think are overly expensive and pointless.
Everyone has their pet peeves. It's similar at my home.
While I wouldn't let dishes sit until they grow mold, having dishes rinsed and sitting in the sink overnight is perfectly fine for me. For my wife, absolutely not and it grosses her out. So I respect her wishes. She also will remake beds that I make (can't complain, they do look better).
You are slandering an ENTIRE field of working professionals AND targeting foreign workers with xenophobic remarks, but I'M the one who is "completely misinformed"? Please.
Read back the thread. I wasn't the one who made those remarks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mentallect
And I know my fact based post pissed you off and hit close to home, revealing you as one of the bitter SAHMs that people are talking about in this very thread
I see my post hit close to home for you on SEVERAL levels, huh?
You really can't argue the fact that it is none of your business if people stay home with their kids. Or the obvious fact that American workers are disposable and out-sourceable so there is always the prospect of losing your job. Your job doesn't belong to you, it belongs to your employer. While we're on this topic of working, where do most of you working folks find the time to post during the workday? When I was working, that was considered theft of time on the clock and misuse of the internet. Just curious, does your employer have an issue with that? As a sahm, I use my own computer and bandwidth.
I took the day off of work from my busy IT job today because of a big event I'm planning tomorrow.
Yeah, you are right that you aren't who I was ORIGINALLY responding to, but since you jumped in the middle of it and helped attack me when I wasn't responding to you anyway (which made it easy to confuse the two of you), then just chalk what I posted up to the other poster and don't expect any type of apology from me (or maybe you, like several others, are a troll who has MULTIPLE accounts, and you got yourself confused responding under the wrong one). Now, bye. Gotta get back to work for now. Will probably just use my block feature for you (and your duel account) and a couple others in this thread first before I do, though.
Yeah, you are right that you aren't who I was ORIGINALLY responding to, but since you jumped in the middle of it and helped attack me when I wasn't responding to you anyway (which made it easy to confuse the two of you), then just chalk what I posted up to the other poster and don't expect any type of apology from me (or maybe you, like several others, are a troll who has MULTIPLE accounts, and you got yourself confused responding under the wrong one). Now, bye. Gotta get back to work for now. Will probably just use my block feature for you (and your duel account) and a couple others in this thread first before I do, though.
I assure you I have one account and your paranoia and accompanying unwarranted hostility is over the top.
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Please. 
