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Yes, I was, well actually beaten, not just spanked. The only thing it did was make me rebell more than I think I would have if I had not been beaten. The beatings didn't make me do anything any differently because we got beaten regardless of what we did or didn't do.
No, I do not spank my daughter. I have on a couple occasions swatted her behind for running into the parking lot, but that's it.
It was just a question I was throwing out there. Its not meant to be anymore than just a topic on this forum. If you don't like the topic, you don't have to answer.
I was just curious. As you can see from my answer, I answered.
ANYTHING worth doing is worth doing thoughtfully. And what is more important than raising kids? My FIL used to get all bent out of shape that I read books. He thought I ought to use "instinct". Yah instinct is great for keeping your offspring from eating the poison berries or getting eaten by the bear. But we live in a complex society with complex notions of right and wrong and complex psychology and sociology. In addition to being helpful, the reading was interesting and edifying. Thinking has even been shown to delay the onset of Alzheimer's!
My FIL has long since agreed that whatever I was did and was doing was the right thing.
I am glad to be open to new ideas. (And I don't take reading a book or listening to people on the internet to be an "academic study".) Listening with an open mind on a board much like this one, though aimed at marriage not parenting, saved my marriage. What a helpful tool an open mind is!
I agree with what you are saying. I think having an open mind is great. I'm open to listening to any ideas on parenting. Where you and I seem to differ is, you are looking for some philosophical or statistical break down of why spanking should be necessary, and I'm taking a look at how my parents did it. They spanked and I thought it was effective. It doesn't mean everything they did I will do, but spanking is something I will take from them. This is one area where I feel I don't need to look at a thesis and look at statistical breakdowns to decide if I want to use this method.
1) As a child I was spanked.
2) When my daughter was a child, she was spanked.
In both cases, I believe the spanking was effective. Also in both cases, it was done as a last resort; i.e., the child was intractable and unheeding of instruction or direction. Also in both cases, it was never done in anger and there was also a great deal of talking and reasoning.
I can go into further detail if anyone is interested.
The very fact you don't want to put any in-depth thought into discipline supports my opinion that spanking is lazy parenting.
The way I phrased that post was wrong. What I meant to say was, most parents know their child well enough to know if spanking or some other form of punishment is going to work. If my child does something wrong, I pretty much know instantly what I'm going to do. I don't need to spend a month trying to decide if i'm going to spank, do a timeout, take something away, and/or give a lecture.
I was spanked as a child. I love my mom very much, was never afraid of her, and never had any issues as an adult with being spanked. And I believe the lessons my mother instilled are still in place, and not out of fear, but because I respected and loved her, and I knew that she loved me. And I do have to say that the times that I got a spanking, they were well earned, and that talking, explaining, time outs, and all that would not have made much of an impression on me.
Generally, I DON'T spank my child. I have swatted her hand or butt on a few occasions where it was necessary to get her attention immediately (once, she was about to put a paper clip in an electrical outlet) but in most cases, it's not necessary. She's not the kind of kid that would benefit at all from it. If I give her a look or speak sharply to her, she cries. In her case, a spanking would be detrimental.
I do believe every parent knows what works best for their kid. I hardly think all parents who spank do it out of laziness or wanting to see their kid suffer, but maybe because that's what works best for that child. In some cases, it is also because "my parents did it and I'm okay." I think it is important to remain open minded, and remember just because our parents did something does not mean it will work for our own kids.
I agree with what you are saying. I think having an open mind is great. I'm open to listening to any ideas on parenting.
See I don't think you are....
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Where you and I seem to differ is, you are looking for some philosophical or statistical break down of why spanking should be necessary, and I'm taking a look at how my parents did it.
Yah that is one good input. I submit that it is ONE input. It doesn't make a very comprehensive set of inputs on which to cogitate. There is absolutely nothing about considering the way your parents did things AS WELL as other things.
My parents spanked us. They were GREAT parents. I happen to think that spanking was among the least useful things that they did. (And truth be told my Mom could be borderline emotionally abusive, but in further truthfulness I would be too if I had that many kids.) I take a lot of super positive lessons from them. But I have come to the conclusion that there are so many cool ideas out there that staying in the cocoon of family tradition is limiting.
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They spanked and I thought it was effective. It doesn't mean everything they did I will do, but spanking is something I will take from them. This is one area where I feel I don't need to look at a thesis and look at statistical breakdowns to decide if I want to use this method.
You do what you will. It is your life.
I never mentioned a thesis. There is a segment of society that eschews thinking. Maybe thinking is scary. That's why they voted for George Bush because he was the kind of guy you could have a beer with (because having a beer is the kind of ability we NEED in a president). Thinking is scary, or elitist, or something. Therefore we do things that make no decent sense because Paw did it.
I was spanked as a child. I love my mom very much, was never afraid of her, and never had any issues as an adult with being spanked. And I believe the lessons my mother instilled are still in place, and not out of fear, but because I respected and loved her, and I knew that she loved me. And I do have to say that the times that I got a spanking, they were well earned, and that talking, explaining, time outs, and all that would not have made much of an impression on me.
Generally, I DON'T spank my child. I have swatted her hand or butt on a few occasions where it was necessary to get her attention immediately (once, she was about to put a paper clip in an electrical outlet) but in most cases, it's not necessary. She's not the kind of kid that would benefit at all from it. If I give her a look or speak sharply to her, she cries. In her case, a spanking would be detrimental.
I do believe every parent knows what works best for their kid. I hardly think all parents who spank do it out of laziness or wanting to see their kid suffer, but maybe because that's what works best for that child. In some cases, it is also because "my parents did it and I'm okay." I think it is important to remain open minded, and remember just because our parents did something does not mean it will work for our own kids.
Apparently, non-spankers can't seem to accept this bold part. They don't like the "my parents did it and I'm ok" logic.
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