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I got news for you. We are all crazy in our own way. I never dated anyone who said that or was stuck up or had a laundry list of demands. I was never stuck up or had any demands but ... an attractive friendly girl who would go out with me. I never had a deep intellectual or artistic conversation with any woman including my wife. I never had any grand ambitions or plans, or worried about money or status. I was one of millions of worker bees that brought home a paycheck and tried to raise a family and tried to be happy and my wife was too. I never only wanted sex, but it was always a main requirement, because to me, sex was the glue of love and commitment. But I assure you, if you can't handle your partner at their worst, you won't get to enjoy them at their best. That quote is spot on.
I'm not denying anything you said is true. You're spot on. However, that saying has been extremely taken out of context in today's world, and that's due to some of the most toxic people ever being the ones quoting it.
I'm not denying anything you said is true. You're spot on. However, that saying has been extremely taken out of context in today's world, and that's due to some of the most toxic people ever being the ones quoting it.
Yes we all have our worst but some have worser worsts than others. And if you've got to warn people about yours on social media...
Ah, that’s the problem. You’ve lived a sheltered life. LOL
I can honestly say that for the majority of my life, and the many women I’ve been blessed to have been involved with, the majority were quite awesome, and the relationships were mutually satisfying in their own unique ways. So, I can attest to the fact that quality and longevity are two separate matters. Those past relationships may not have resulted in forever situations, but most will be forever remembered fondly.
On the other hand, there were the other 3, which resulted in atrocious demonstrations of narcissism and egregious acts of unforgivable malice. That those 3 happen to be the most recent 3, may or may not be coincidental to the alleged changing times and attitudes being debated here, but ought not be indiscriminately ruled out. Nor in fairness shall I rule out the probability that these unfortunate events have to a certain extent, shaped my perceptions toward a negative bias. But as fair umpires like to say, I just call em like I see em, no matter who is at the plate.
You may argue the point until blue in the face, but the evidence includes not just statistics, but also confessions.
And I would once again clearly state that there is no solution to this, until people recognize the nature of it, because it’s a matter of free will, and only free will can change it. Is it an unfortunate trend we see? I think so, but it’s just one symptom of a much larger problem that most are failing to connect.
Given the instigation of racial tensions now at a modern high, and the political polarization that has manifested, and all the other forms of divisiveness largely driven by the media … anyone who might think that the primary glue for which society relies most, which is absolutely the relationship between men and women would not also be targeted for assault, is sleep walking still.
No I live in real life not vicariously through the internet.
Of course we have cops and people we pay with our tax dollars. But we don't need you to get by in this world like we used to be forced have to in the bounds of a relationship.
That is just a fact.
Men simply cannot accept the fact that things have changed.
Thanks. Just wanted you to clarify your overtly hostile opinion of men. Got it.
And remember this …. when facing extreme danger, and every second counts, police are several minutes away. But they will eventually arrive, with chalk to make an outline around the body.
I confess I didn't read all the pages of this. I'm still laughing at the first statement of the OP, that this is "rarely discussed"...are you new to City Data, my guy? Welcome!
I don't see this as the "new normal" in the slightest. I know plenty of men who are getting plenty of sex. But they do fit a sort of profile, though. They are professionals who have a career, not just a McJob and they are stable financially. Quite a few are married, but they don't have kids. The married ones complaining about sexless relationships, have children. And their wives work their backsides off, both of them working full time and him coming home and vanishing into his man cave to vegetate in front of a computer looking at porn and playing video games while his wife does all the adult responsibilities to keep the kids cared for and the work of the household done. They seem very upset that they're not getting laid, but if it requires any effort, it ain't worth it to them. Most of the single men I know who are lonely, are aligned with ideologies that barely even recognize women as human beings, or they are insecure and nuke every connection that starts to happen before it gets off the ground, or they have heinous hygiene, or constant melodramatic behavior... In other words, there is a reason. And when you know someone like that, the reason is OBVIOUS even if maybe no one's got the stones to say it to them. And it is almost always rooted in words, beliefs, actions, behaviors...something that they could do differently. If they wanted to badly enough.
Though I definitely do agree that the proliferation of the internet has driven people apart and caused a lot of this problem as well. One might just need to turn off one's computer and get up and go outside and interact with other humans. Crazy, I know.
Big economic difference in the old days, too, not just forcing women to put up with whatever in a marriage because divorce wasn't an option. Now, yeah, you have to make it a deal that a woman would actually want. Sorry (not really) if that's hard for some.
Generations past in the bad old days, of my own family, involved alcoholic men who beat their wives, and the wives couldn't leave. One pair of Grandparents lived out in the boonies and they didn't have birth control, and had 7 kids that survived. Emphasis on that. A number of them didn't, between miscarriages (possibly due to alcohol, malnutrition and abuse) and babies that died of "natural causes"... But hey, Grandma was a doughty breeder, so at least 7 grew up, there was the heroin addict, a few alcoholics, a swinger (the only one who seemed happy in her adulthood) and other assorted trailer residents. In the next generation after that, I had a cousin who was murdered in front of her kids.
But hey. Wholesome family values, ya'll!
I cannot believe the sheer audacity of anyone saying, "Men are not getting laid, women need to be forced to remedy this." Get outta here with that nonsense.
But if we want more women to consent to building families, we need to stop gutting the middle class. The government, because it is the only entity with the power to do so, needs to get some solid common sense regulations in place to stop this whole "privatize the gains, socialize the losses, crush every drop of profit out of the peasants" situation. When young people lose hope of ever being able to afford to buy a home to live in, and concurrent prosperity gospel shouts, "If you can't afford kids, you should not have sex with a man!" then what do you even expect? Schools have preached abstinence for generations!
And while I am not a hard-liner when it comes to my pro choice position (I believe it would be acceptable to limit it to 12 weeks)... I know I've seen a lot of women on social media say that they will not have sex with a man at all, if they live in a state that banned abortion, just on principle. Obviously that isn't going to actually change the sexual choices of all or even most women, but it will for some. That's a few more ladies who will not be giving you guys a chance. /shrug
I keep coming back to this, but I'm telling you...the dividing of this country and setting people at one another's throats, it's gonna have all kinds of disastrous repercussions. It has an effect on this, too. 20 years ago, most people would consider dating someone who did not share their political views. Now? Not so much.
So sure, I guess a bunch of factors, it could be said, have come together that might be making this a thing for some. But I'm still not convinced that it's quite the epidemic that men on the internet would have one believe. It IS being talked about though. We all know how the struggle bros feel. They are not shy. Been telling us all about it for years.
Lol. Hilarious. I could give two sh**s when people cry about men being dogs. Think I’ve known like one in 40 years. It’s all horse manure. I’ve been cheated on 5 different times by five different women throughout my years. Just about all of the men I have known throughout my lifetime have been wonderful, caring, loving, good hearted people that usually wanted a committed loving relationship. I am talking strictly about women in the singles realm. I am not referring to women who are not in the singles realm. Women in the singles realm in America tend to be rather stuck up, jaded, disdainful, and void of trust. What does Stone all over the dating sites soaking up all the attention. Lmao. Slice and dice it as you wish. There is not a politically correct bone in my body. Men get a bad rep here in America. It’s absolute horse manure, save for some. That I realize. But we all know every divorce that has ever occurred is the fault of the guy. We all realize that. Lol
But I assure you, if you can't handle your partner at their worst, you won't get to enjoy them at their best. That quote is spot on.
I was discussing such a thing with my brother, about relationships and what it takes to keep them going when in them. Keep in mind this was said in jest, but he quipped, "Most men deal with it at the bottom of a bottle or at the end of a bag of dope."
People put up with a lot just to have someone sometimes. It's not all fun and games. It can be hard for men out there who've never experienced it to understand.
I confess I didn't read all the pages of this. I'm still laughing at the first statement of the OP, that this is "rarely discussed"...are you new to City Data, my guy? Welcome!
I don't see this as the "new normal" in the slightest. I know plenty of men who are getting plenty of sex. But they do fit a sort of profile, though. They are professionals who have a career, not just a McJob and they are stable financially. Quite a few are married, but they don't have kids. The married ones complaining about sexless relationships, have children. And their wives work their backsides off, both of them working full time and him coming home and vanishing into his man cave to vegetate in front of a computer looking at porn and playing video games while his wife does all the adult responsibilities to keep the kids cared for and the work of the household done. They seem very upset that they're not getting laid, but if it requires any effort, it ain't worth it to them. Most of the single men I know who are lonely, are aligned with ideologies that barely even recognize women as human beings, or they are insecure and nuke every connection that starts to happen before it gets off the ground, or they have heinous hygiene, or constant melodramatic behavior... In other words, there is a reason. And when you know someone like that, the reason is OBVIOUS even if maybe no one's got the stones to say it to them. And it is almost always rooted in words, beliefs, actions, behaviors...something that they could do differently. If they wanted to badly enough.
Though I definitely do agree that the proliferation of the internet has driven people apart and caused a lot of this problem as well. One might just need to turn off one's computer and get up and go outside and interact with other humans. Crazy, I know.
Big economic difference in the old days, too, not just forcing women to put up with whatever in a marriage because divorce wasn't an option. Now, yeah, you have to make it a deal that a woman would actually want. Sorry (not really) if that's hard for some.
Generations past in the bad old days, of my own family, involved alcoholic men who beat their wives, and the wives couldn't leave. One pair of Grandparents lived out in the boonies and they didn't have birth control, and had 7 kids that survived. Emphasis on that. A number of them didn't, between miscarriages (possibly due to alcohol, malnutrition and abuse) and babies that died of "natural causes"... But hey, Grandma was a doughty breeder, so at least 7 grew up, there was the heroin addict, a few alcoholics, a swinger (the only one who seemed happy in her adulthood) and other assorted trailer residents. In the next generation after that, I had a cousin who was murdered in front of her kids.
But hey. Wholesome family values, ya'll!
I cannot believe the sheer audacity of anyone saying, "Men are not getting laid, women need to be forced to remedy this." Get outta here with that nonsense.
Yeah nobody is saying that.
The demand to accept things seem to come from both sides equally.
I've heard women try it insist that men should hold previous relationships against them as if was the thing that attracts into women is bad and wrong and it's men's fault.
And then there's guys that seem to be in a perpetual adolescence that don't know how to move to the next stage of their life that think women are being ridiculous.
But they're only seems to be complaints about people checking out of it on one side.
Quote:
But if we want more women to consent to building families, we need to stop gutting the middle class. The government, because it is the only entity with the power to do so, needs to get some solid common sense regulations in place to stop this whole "privatize the gains, socialize the losses, crush every drop of profit out of the peasants" situation. When young people lose hope of ever being able to afford to buy a home to live in, and concurrent prosperity gospel shouts, "If you can't afford kids, you should not have sex with a man!" then what do you even expect? Schools have preached abstinence for generations!
you bring up a good point here and I think it's one that's been overlooked and it's the government crushing the middle class. She seems to take away the American dream here I am at 40 just starting a career with the partner in his early 30s having just started a career because we couldn't afford School and refused to go in debt I don't know the house I'm not sure I ever will from the people I know that do you seem to be penalized for it. We can't have kids but we could adopt kids haven't done that we've talked about it but it seems like the last thing we need to deal with.
Quote:
And while I am not a hard-liner when it comes to my pro choice position (I believe it would be acceptable to limit it to 12 weeks)... I know I've seen a lot of women on social media say that they will not have sex with a man at all, if they live in a state that banned abortion, just on principle. Obviously that isn't going to actually change the sexual choices of all or even most women, but it will for some. That's a few more ladies who will not be giving you guys a chance. /shrug
I think women and men for that matter on social media tend to project the worst.
I can't tell you how many videos I've seen a woman's putting on makeup talking to her camera like it's a girlfriend explaining how the top 1% of men should pick her as if they don't have any better option and she acts as though she's being cheated if that doesn't happen.
I don't see that sort of thing from guys maybe they don't do it on social media maybe I see it and I'm just not receptive to it because I'm a guy and I'm sympathetic to guys.
Quote:
I keep coming back to this, but I'm telling you...the dividing of this country and setting people at one another's throats, it's gonna have all kinds of disastrous repercussions. It has an effect on this, too. 20 years ago, most people would consider dating someone who did not share their political views. Now? Not so much.
I think you made a fantastic point earlier in this post about social media.
And I think that's a huge component of this divide.
When you're talking to a camera and you're saying the things that you think out loud you don't see the judgment of other people who looks on their faces when you say something that's inconsiderate or judgemental.
It's like there's a been this severe dumbing down of emotional intelligence because of this.
Most people tend to be a lot more accommodating to others when they have to be in physical space with them.
If anything what I've noticed in younger generations is that they don't have a sense of social propriety or to put it simply they don't really know how to act and social situations.
Quote:
So sure, I guess a bunch of factors, it could be said, have come together that might be making this a thing for some. But I'm still not convinced that it's quite the epidemic that men on the internet would have one believe. It IS being talked about though. We all know how the struggle bros feel. They are not shy. Been telling us all about it for years.
I think the majority of problems are not talk to men young and old that fit this category seems to be lack of social skills this manifests in a lot of ways because they don't have an idea on what's appropriate for certain situations or they seem to be rather befuddled with the concept of flirting. I hated it at the time but my parents forbade me and my brother from having internet connection in the house. This was a time before smartphones and don't get me wrong I like smartphones I'm using one right now. So the only option I had for social interaction was with other people.
Then again I was an adult before the existence of Myspace so I'm lucky in that regard.
Lol. Hilarious. I could give two sh**s when people cry about men being dogs. Think I’ve known like one in 40 years. It’s all horse manure. I’ve been cheated on 5 different times by five different women throughout my years. Just about all of the men I have known throughout my lifetime have been wonderful, caring, loving, good hearted people that usually wanted a committed loving relationship. I am talking strictly about women in the singles realm. I am not referring to women who are not in the singles realm. Women in the singles realm in America tend to be rather stuck up, jaded, disdainful, and void of trust. What does Stone all over the dating sites soaking up all the attention. Lmao. Slice and dice it as you wish. There is not a politically correct bone in my body. Men get a bad rep here in America. It’s absolute horse manure, save for some. That I realize. But we all know every divorce that has ever occurred is the fault of the guy. We all realize that. Lol
I've read quite a number of articles lamenting about where all the good men have gone. It seems to me obvious, they are with the good women.
If you're having trouble finding that you need to look at yourself. Find out what makes a man commit to a woman or vice versa. Decide if it's something you're willing to do it not and get on with it.
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