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Anytime you are blaming a whole different group for your problems, you are just refusing to look at your own role in it.
I made a post about personal responsibility and not blaming others, which was immediately followed by 5 pages of "women suck! women are WORSE!"
lol.
Enjoy your celibacy. Most guys are enjoying sex and relationships.
I'm out.
100x this! Some of the whiners on this thread need to sober up and have a little tough love self examination session in the mirror.
The nuance is endless, however, over recent years we've seen an educational attainment mismatch between the sexes grow and it is now a pain-point for society and especially younger men. Young women are better educated than young men, earn more when corrected for time in service and whatnot.
That's some of it.
Another portion is hard but clearly true.......many millennial men are just wrecks. They've done poorly financially - they suffer the brunt of the male/female educational mismatch, the are more likely to be mentally ill, more likely to be be addicted to hard drugs - drug death numbers for men 25-50 ish are so high life expectancy for the group is off by about 2 years.
If you really take an objective look at our past and human nature you'll see that there never really has been a time in American history where everybody was in loving relationships people like to bring up the 1950s but that was largely a media-driven Fairy Tale... real life didn't actually happen that way people still had dysfunctional relationships back then... and I guarantee you women were cheating on their spouses and boyfriends while they were off fighting in World War II that always happens... men are naive if they think a woman is not going to have sex for months and years while he's off fighting overseas. In a long distance relationship one or both parties is going to be having sex with other people.
The same media that is trying to groom people today was grooming people back then and conservatives fall for this grooming fantasy of this 1950s perfect culture that didn't exist. People are people and human nature doesn't change it might have been better but it wasn't perfect by any stretch... go back to the 1800's and children didn't even have any formal schooling they are basically slaves to help their parents survive and they married a lot younger than people are willing to admit or notice...
It was better for a man because they could keep women stuck in unhappy relationships and there's nothing the woman could do about it however it was far from perfect for the men either we are basically victims of our own biological nature. We do the best we can while dealing with our evolutionary makeup
1. Men have to change. Yes, you do have to court the women. You have to stop playing the video games. You have to pretend to like what she likes. You have to have a job. You have to keep the job. You have to clean the house up to the women's standards. You have to stop cheating when you get the opportunity and women have to be safe in relationships.
2. I think we have to accept that the current model isn't working and that taboo things such as - arranged marriages, platonic marriages need to be considered.
3. Women have to stop handing out sex without marriage. It causes all sorts of problems but one of them is cutting down womens enticement to date. Not only does it put pressure on her to have sex with a total stranger but it puts women in a vunerable spot where they can be easy pickens for a dangerous killer. When women ended the night at their front door there were less killings. This also allows for easier cheating for irresponsible men.
Everything should be done to encourage men and women to choose marriage / stable relationship at a young age and have sex with just that one person.. / raise kids / and be happy about it.
What we have now is the "empowerment" lie which empowers no one.
I agree with most of it. Women do need to stop giving it away and men need to detach from their homies. From almost every marriage movie, the guys are having a ball, before the ball n chain get put on at the wedding. Women have to compete no only with other women but with the buds. And the gaming. Women want equal partnership. Much younger men are getting it, I see them with strollers n at the bus stops and games . You see ads with the Rock and WWW fighters sipping tea with a tutu on. Many sitcoms are very varied couples, old young. Black/ white / Asian middle eastern etc. Planting seeds in young peoples minds can go with the little Latin girl to the movies. Think the next generation will respect relationships better. The ones who are 12/13 now.
Something I think about often is how much we hear about abusive alcoholic husbands and fathers going back before the 70s, and even later. Those types still absolutely exist, but women are not stuck with them financially anymore. I know that if my grandmother had been able to work, instead of been a 50s and 60s housewife, she wouldn't have been trapped in an abusive relationship with a man who cheated until he left her for the secretary. And her mother likely wouldn't have stayed with her father (who was a wonderful grandparent and great grandparent, but atrocious dad and husband due to his drinking) if she had any option to support herself.
Today, women don't need to be with men who haven't worked on themselves just to survive. We are looking for equal partners, not a provider. This isn't a bad thing.
For men that are struggling in relationships:
1. Go to therapy. Talk to someone impartial regularly to work out your stuff.
2. Take an honest assessment of yourself and what you are looking for. Are you out of shape with a scruffy beard and a deadend job? You're not hopeless, but look for women who are at a similar attractiveness and success level to you. A 9/10 with a master's degree and management job might be interested in someone less attractive who works retail, but it's unlikely and setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect it.
3. Work to improve yourself FOR yourself. It's always going to be a losing battle chasing what you think others want. Work on yourself for your own sake.
4. Think about how you think about women, and how that might come off to those you are interested in dating. You are an equal partner, and should expect to be one in your relationship and in household responsibilities. Check yourself for things that you might not realize are putting out a misogynist vibe. For instance, if you regularly refer to women as "females", that's a red flag that is going to repel many women. You're a man, not a ferengi.
5. Cultivate your own interests. You can still do things you enjoy. Don't quit video games because women might not like it if it's something you enjoy. Hell, plenty of women - myself included - are gamers! But gaming comes after your education, career, in-person social life, your own wellbeing (exercise, knowing how to cook and feed yourself, hygiene), and your partner. Look for opportunities to engage with your hobbies with others. Do you like gaming? Try to find a tabletop or Warhammer league in-person. Volunteer at a nonprofit that brings gaming equipment to kids in the hospital. Join a kickball league. Have a full life outside of your room before you even think about dating... or gaming, for that matter.
Wallowing leads to bitterness, and then loneliness becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Women have the same problem, by the way, but it seems like women are socialized to look inward about what *they* are doing wrong versus looking to blame others. Men could benefit from this kind of introspection to improve themselves to be the kind of person they themselves would want to date.
I don't think this is the norm, at least where I live. I see plenty of married people where I live. The city I live in, it's a family kind of place. At age 36, I stand out from the crowd for not being married, for not having children. The church I go to, it's mostly married people. I stand out from the crowd pretty much in alot of places. Whenever I go to coffee shops, restaurants, or bars, I frequently go by myself. The majority of my co-workers are married with children.
Being lonely and sexless isn't the new norm yet, at least where I live. For those of us like me, we wonder if it will be the norm. "Simping" was mentioned in this. I don't simp. I won't go out of my way to simp. I never found the right woman when I was in my 20s. As I get older, I'm alot stricter in terms of who I deal with. Women who I would consider wife material, mother material, they're already wives. Whenever I go out, I mostly see married couples. And alot of women (and men) go out in packs together. I often wonder "this is weird, everyone going out in packs like this". And then I consider "I'm the one who stands out. I'm alone". I have a hard time talking about people in large groups, especially when they already know each other and talking about things I don't want to talk about. I do better with one on one, or if it's me and 2 other people, not large groups.
Maybe being wife material or husband material is the result of finding the person you want to be with. But there's no way to know who that is until you have gone out with them. So my criteria was attractive and friendly, nothing more. And when I finally found a keeper after a lot of failed dates and relationships, I had to become a keeper as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner
I don't think this is the norm, at least where I live. I see plenty of married people where I live. The city I live in, it's a family kind of place. At age 36, I stand out from the crowd for not being married, for not having children. The church I go to, it's mostly married people. I stand out from the crowd pretty much in alot of places. Whenever I go to coffee shops, restaurants, or bars, I frequently go by myself. The majority of my co-workers are married with children.
Being lonely and sexless isn't the new norm yet, at least where I live. For those of us like me, we wonder if it will be the norm. "Simping" was mentioned in this. I don't simp. I won't go out of my way to simp. I never found the right woman when I was in my 20s. As I get older, I'm alot stricter in terms of who I deal with. Women who I would consider wife material, mother material, they're already wives. Whenever I go out, I mostly see married couples. And alot of women (and men) go out in packs together. I often wonder "this is weird, everyone going out in packs like this". And then I consider "I'm the one who stands out. I'm alone". I have a hard time talking about people in large groups, especially when they already know each other and talking about things I don't want to talk about. I do better with one on one, or if it's me and 2 other people, not large groups.
Something I think about often is how much we hear about abusive alcoholic husbands and fathers going back before the 70s, and even later. Those types still absolutely exist, but women are not stuck with them financially anymore. I know that if my grandmother had been able to work, instead of been a 50s and 60s housewife, she wouldn't have been trapped in an abusive relationship with a man who cheated until he left her for the secretary. And her mother likely wouldn't have stayed with her father (who was a wonderful grandparent and great grandparent, but atrocious dad and husband due to his drinking) if she had any option to support herself.
Today, women don't need to be with men who haven't worked on themselves just to survive. We are looking for equal partners, not a provider. This isn't a bad thing.
For men that are struggling in relationships:
1. Go to therapy. Talk to someone impartial regularly to work out your stuff.
2. Take an honest assessment of yourself and what you are looking for. Are you out of shape with a scruffy beard and a deadend job? You're not hopeless, but look for women who are at a similar attractiveness and success level to you. A 9/10 with a master's degree and management job might be interested in someone less attractive who works retail, but it's unlikely and setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect it.
3. Work to improve yourself FOR yourself. It's always going to be a losing battle chasing what you think others want. Work on yourself for your own sake.
4. Think about how you think about women, and how that might come off to those you are interested in dating. You are an equal partner, and should expect to be one in your relationship and in household responsibilities. Check yourself for things that you might not realize are putting out a misogynist vibe. For instance, if you regularly refer to women as "females", that's a red flag that is going to repel many women. You're a man, not a ferengi.
5. Cultivate your own interests. You can still do things you enjoy. Don't quit video games because women might not like it if it's something you enjoy. Hell, plenty of women - myself included - are gamers! But gaming comes after your education, career, in-person social life, your own wellbeing (exercise, knowing how to cook and feed yourself, hygiene), and your partner. Look for opportunities to engage with your hobbies with others. Do you like gaming? Try to find a tabletop or Warhammer league in-person. Volunteer at a nonprofit that brings gaming equipment to kids in the hospital. Join a kickball league. Have a full life outside of your room before you even think about dating... or gaming, for that matter.
Wallowing leads to bitterness, and then loneliness becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Women have the same problem, by the way, but it seems like women are socialized to look inward about what *they* are doing wrong versus looking to blame others. Men could benefit from this kind of introspection to improve themselves to be the kind of person they themselves would want to date.
I never really understood conservative Christian culture. Where women need to stay at home to care for husband and kids. I believe in a women working and being independent. I don't want to ever be at the mercy of a man who can cheat or leave at anytime. How can anyone look back fondly to a time where women had to be with a man just to have a roof over their head and no financial autonomy. All men aren't angels. Just a cautionary tale I know a young woman who had no job or career and was a stay at home mom. Her so called man abused her and her child. Then he ended up murdering her because she wanted to leave. Shot her to death. It was murder suicide. This proves to me women should never give up their career or Independence no matter what.
I don't think this is the norm, at least where I live. I see plenty of married people where I live. The city I live in, it's a family kind of place. At age 36, I stand out from the crowd for not being married, for not having children. The church I go to, it's mostly married people. I stand out from the crowd pretty much in alot of places. Whenever I go to coffee shops, restaurants, or bars, I frequently go by myself. The majority of my co-workers are married with children.
Being lonely and sexless isn't the new norm yet, at least where I live. For those of us like me, we wonder if it will be the norm. "Simping" was mentioned in this. I don't simp. I won't go out of my way to simp. I never found the right woman when I was in my 20s. As I get older, I'm alot stricter in terms of who I deal with. Women who I would consider wife material, mother material, they're already wives. Whenever I go out, I mostly see married couples. And alot of women (and men) go out in packs together. I often wonder "this is weird, everyone going out in packs like this". And then I consider "I'm the one who stands out. I'm alone". I have a hard time talking about people in large groups, especially when they already know each other and talking about things I don't want to talk about. I do better with one on one, or if it's me and 2 other people, not large groups.
While you stand out from not just being single, you also may stand out from not being sexually attractive to women. I'm very sorry but if people seldom if ever state that they can't believe you're still single or never pester you about fixing you up with a woman, then lack of sex appeal must be your problem. I'm a strong believer that looks are everything, especially when it comes to making a first impression on the opposite sex. I don't know the solution other than to lower your standards to women who are homely, but they may not be willing to take you for real after they were bullied and rejected so much since high school.
While you stand out from not just being single, you also may stand out from not being sexually attractive to women. I'm very sorry but if people seldom if ever state that they can't believe you're still single or never pester you about fixing you up with a woman, then lack of sex appeal must be your problem. I'm a strong believer that looks are everything, especially when it comes to making a first impression on the opposite sex. I don't know the solution other than to lower your standards to women who are homely, but they may not be willing to take you for real after they were bullied and rejected so much since high school.
Bingo….sOOOOO many men and women out there who aren’t sexless or lonely…but if you don’t have looks you’ve got to have personality to appeal to the opposite sex…and negativity will get you most nowhere unless you find those where misery loves company.
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