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I look at my relationship with a man. It's really rather mutual. We encourage one another when we need to we restrain each other when we need to. If one of us wants something we discuss it. We don't seem to use our position in the relationship to manipulate one another. When I was quitting smoking I want yelled at or chastised for smoking my partner simply reminded me, "that's not quitting." And "didn't you want to quit?"
I make these observations because this is vastly different than heterosexual couples I've encountered.
I look at my relationship with a man. It's really rather mutual. We encourage one another when we need to we restrain each other when we need to. If one of us wants something we discuss it. We don't seem to use our position in the relationship to manipulate one another. When I was quitting smoking I want yelled at or chastised for smoking my partner simply reminded me, "that's not quitting." And "didn't you want to quit?"
I make these observations because this is vastly different than heterosexual couples I've encountered.
Hmmm... interesting. Are you implying that the heterosexual couples you've observed have a more chaotic and combative dynamic, rather than a more harmonious one, like what you have with your own partner?
I hear this "most males don't reproduce in most species" a lot, sometimes it is used almost as an excuse or justification for mass male loneliness and sexlessness.
There is no need for justification or excuse it just is.
Again, I recommend focus on you and becoming the man you want to be. Socialize find interest groups hobbies and so forth.
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I don't know how true that is, but fine, let's say it is true. Do you really think any long-term stable social order is possible if most of the males are not able to find sex, intimacy, or affection? I'll answer for you- of course it is not.
Not in a society that places no value on men in that situation. That's the only thing different now. These used to be the men who went to war served in the church or other humanitarian endeavors. They studied sciences and sociology. They created amusements and other edifices.
Our culture abuses them and treats them like they are worthless. It places sex on this Grand pedestal as some sort of life achievement.
That's the problem.
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Yes, some males will always be left by the wayside, but in a fair and just system, merely being average and adhering to the general societal rules and laws should just about guarantee that you do not end up lonely and sexless.
When the lonely women I hear complaining is because they couldn't get men to commit, that's the ones you want to go after. I'm not sure your life will be better. They couldn't get other men to commit for a reason.
Hmmm... interesting. Are you implying that the heterosexual couples you've observed have a more chaotic and combative dynamic, rather than a more harmonious one, like what you have with your own partner?
No, just that men and women are different in how they deal with things. It seems straight men would put up with a lot more.
My partner and I do argue. It's not always harmonious. One thing I learned about myself when I started living with him was how much of a slob I am
He gripes about things being left out, dirty dishes being left in the sink.
But I understand he grew up in a home with 7 other siblings, a twin brother he shared a bed with until they were about ten. So in close quarters like that it's imperative to keep things neat.
I gripe at him about his fastidious behavior. Relax it's just us those dishes can stay in the sink for a day.
But I've never encountered passive aggressive behavior or of him.
No, just that men and women are different in how they deal with things. It seems straight men would put up with a lot more.
My partner and I do argue. It's not always harmonious. One thing I learned about myself when I started living with him was how much of a slob I am
He gripes about things being left out, dirty dishes being left in the sink.
But I understand he grew up in a home with 7 other siblings, a twin brother he shared a bed with until they were about ten. So in close quarters like that it's imperative to keep things neat.
I gripe at him about his fastidious behavior. Relax it's just us those dishes can stay in the sink for a day.
But I've never encountered passive aggressive behavior or of him.
Funny. Reminds me of this trip to San Jose, back in the 80’s. A few of us were in this Mexican Restaurant called “Whose Song and Larry’s” (what a bizarre name). So, we’re at a table, and one of the guys nudges me to look at this blonde sitting alone at the bar. I told him, forget about it … she’s waiting for someone, I promise you, and besides you and I probably have a better chance of becoming President of the United States … this girl was a 12 … she intimidated 10’s. Anyway, these other girls entered and sat down at a table next to us, and quickly the conversation began and they joined us. Then, a few moments later, the waiter comes over to me and hands me a drink, saying this is from the large breasted blonde lady over there in the corner table. So, being the gentlemen that I am, I excused myself and went over to thank her, and said we had just been joined by friends, so it would be rude of me to leave them immediately, and that maybe her and I could talk later. So, on my way back to my table, I’m passing by that blonde at the bar …that 12? She reaches out and grabs my arm as I walk by, and asks me if she can buy me a drink! That’s when I began thinking that I’m being set up … this has got to be a practical joke someone is playing on me! But it wasn’t. The 12 was waiting for a business colleague, eventually bought my entire table a round of appetizers, gave me her number and we made a tentative date for the following evening. The next day, she calls and apologizes for having to cancel, due to work … but switches to Friday night instead, which according to her thinking would be way better anyway, since “we won’t have to get up early in the morning”. Of course, my freaking itinerary had me leaving San Francisco back to Washington DC on that Friday afternoon. I feverishly attempted to switch flights to a later one, but had no luck other than a first class flight that cost $1200 more than my current ticket. That was a lot of money in the 1980’s, and couldn’t do it … we were forbidden to fly first class, and would be immediately rejected by corporate travel accounting, having nothing to do with costs. If I could have gotten a coach seat, it could have cost anything, and my boss had already given me the green light to stay another day or two, but I would have had to eat the $1200.
The amazing thing is she actually came out to the damn airport and sat with me for an hour while waiting for boarding. She encouraged me to get back soon, as she had close friends that owned a hot air balloon business in Napa Valley that we could spend a weekend having a blast. I never got back, and never saw her again. One of those few life regrets that come to mind every once in a while.
You weren't creative enough! I had an assignment in San Fran in the mid 80s and would sometimes take the midnight freight flight so I would have more time in town. There would only be 15-20 on the flight as it was mainly used for carrying freight.
Well, let's look at the complaint, because there are multiple ways to complain about the same thing, to paraphrase:
"Women and this whole women's lib thing has made them impossible to have a relationship with, they expect too much, and offer nothing."
Or
"I have trouble attracting a partner, and this bothers me. I don't seem to be able to offer the women whom I want, what they want."
I think the difference is obvious. And yes, I could go back and clip many statements like what I paraphrased, I'm just not going to take the time.
The bold seems to be something women have difficulty with.
I've heard far more women saying "there is nothing wrong with me" or " I deserve something from people" or "Why do I have to change. I've even come across harpies screeching about the fact that men find something about them unattractive I or unappealing.
It was women trying to ban the word bossy. Inserted of working on themselves if they hear that as a reason for a breakup.
I'm a man, I've been interacting sexually with men for the better part of two decades and I've never had any of these problems does it really a man issue?
And the minimax outcome is something everyone has to deal with to pretend that it only affects women is to ignore 60% of violence.
With respect you seem to be missing my point and I'm not pretending anything. Within spitting distance the average American man is as physically outmatched by the average NFL middle linebacker as the average American woman is by the average American man. Point is barring unknown physical issues you would be much better able to escape/run/fight back your way out of a fight with a man than the average woman.
With respect you seem to be missing my point and I'm not pretending anything. Within spitting distance the average American man is as physically outmatched by the average NFL middle linebacker as the average American woman is by the average American man.
No. A 120lb woman can take out a rhinoceros with the mere twitch of a finger.
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Point is barring unknown physical issues you would be much better able to escape/run/fight back your way out of a fight with a man than the average woman.
Unless she has a revolver. I can't outrun or punch a bullet.
You don't really have a point
This is just an excuse for prejudice against men. This isn't an accusation I was guilty of it too. It's something we are conditioned to accept as little boys
Man that is a crazy story. That type of thing happens to so few men. It makes sense that it was also back in the 80's. Nowadays, the woman would be looking at their phone comparing their matches on tinder to the men at the bar lol.
It was a definite boost for you that you had the company of other women and that there was a displayed interest. Women love men that other women give attention to and swoon over. It is definitely positive reinforcement for the men that have always received attention from women and it keeps getting easier for them.
You probably don’t even realize just how correct you are. And the big secret is, it all boils down to one critical thing … confidence. And that part is not really all that different now, than in the 80’s when it comes to talking to women. And if you ask women today, what trait they find most attractive in men, the majority will say “confidence”. The problem is, you can’t fake it. You can dress like a Millionaire … you can exhibit all of the typical signs of a successful man, and you can even learn a few tricks which mimic the behavior of someone who is confident .. learn to adopt certain postures and so forth, but confidence and lack of it is an internal thing that somehow radiates outward like a radio station broadcasting music. And women pick up this like radio receivers. If the music sounds good, you’re good, but if the music sounds bad, she’s changing stations. And, how long does it take to figure out whether you like a song or change stations? Not long. It’s almost instant.
So how does one attain confidence? As you pointed out, success breeds confidence and confidence then breeds more success, and the more success one has, the easier it comes. For guys who have always had trouble attracting or keeping the attention of women, telling them to just be confident is like asking a cat to bark. Even guys who have been confident most of their lives, who have had great success before, can have events happen that can destroy their confidence, and I speak from experience on that. But it’s easier to regain confidence, than it is to attain it.
The best advice I can offer guys is to look at women and relationships like learning how to play the game of golf. It’s an exceedingly difficult game, which has two distinct elements. First, you have to learn how to hit a golf ball, which requires proper technique to do it well, yet is a completely different thing than learning how to play the game of golf. But you can’t possibly do the latter until you become somewhat competent at the former. You don’t have to be perfect at hitting the ball, cuz that will never happen, but you need to be able to hit it reasonably well, in the general direction you are aiming. Then, you learn the game itself, which is as much strategy and mental as it is physically striking the ball.
This transfers to women and relationships. Learning how to approach women and talk to them is like learning how to hit the golf ball. That’s where it starts, and you cannot proceed past that point without becoming reasonably competent. How can one hope to have a relationship, sexual or otherwise, with a woman without knowing how to approach them, talk to them, and maintain their interest in you? Most guys mess this up immediately. They don’t make it minutes, and defeat themselves in seconds. Because most guys think that the best approach, if they even summon the courage to approach, is to shower them with praise about how beautiful they are, and all the other nonsense that might spill out of their quivering lips. And right there, they are done, period. Why is that so bad? Because it immediately places her in the superior position over you, by emphasizing her value, which subconsciously diminishes yours. You don’t have to convince her you are interested in her by gushing over her beauty .. she already knows that because you approached her. She’s looking for a reason to be interested in you, and it’s your job to create that interest. That’s the cold approach which requires a bit more courage and skill. If she’s already made eye contact with you and smiled, and looked again, you have already been given permission to go over to her, and now you just have to not mess up. But either way, the task is still stimulate her interest. So how do you do that? Well, there are numerous ways, but in my opinion there is no better way than with humor. If you can get a woman to laugh, you have achieved a huge victory right at the beginning. And this is the beginning to building confidence. Remember, you aren’t going to master hitting the golf ball in one practice session.
For any of the guys following this conversation, and want a good humored approach that has always worked for me … on a cold approach for a woman alone …. You can walk up and just say hi … I couldn’t help but notice you standing here all by yourself, and thought, awe, it’s so sad that you have no friends … (glancing at your watch) now I don’t have a bunch of time, but I can be your friend for a few minutes while we find you some others? And the moment she smiles, or more likely laughs, you stick your hand out and say, I’m Joe, and your name is?
She will tell you her name, and then you need to use it frequently, because everyone likes the sound of their name and nothing builds report quicker with people than addressing them by their name. She might even respond by saying “I have friends! They just aren’t here!” And that’s when you can say … it’s ok … I don’t have any friends either, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and laugh with her … she will laugh because she is already engaged with the conversation. That’s when you take another step …. you might say something like, you know, I’d let you buy me a drink, but then you might think I was just sticking around to use you, and what kind of friend would that be, so, let me buy you one instead, ok? If she agrees, bingo, you have managed the first impression hurdle.
And, for my advanced students …. LOL …. only the advanced … while drilling down to find common interests, by asking her questions (key point … avoiding the stalled conversation … never ask yes or no questions. It kills conversation. Always ask open ended questions that require more conversation) at some point, there may be an opportunity to shock her with a negative complement, or a sexual inference … these things are powerful, and really go a long way ..
For example, maybe she is talking about gardening and how she enjoys growing flowers and vegetables, and organic stuff … and then she says something like “I just enjoy being outside in my backyard on my knees getting dirty” which is when you look at her and ask “are we still talking about gardening?” She will turn red, laugh, and maybe even give you the playful slap … that playful slap is her way of saying I’m enjoying this and I really like you and I want to get physical with you.
There are a million things you can say, and it’s more about how you say them rather than what is said. Learn to be a comedian and stock up on the condoms, cuz you’ll need em.
You guys want to watch and learn from a master at flirting with women … watch that nighttime talk show guy, Craig Ferguson! That dude is a freaking ninja. If you guys just learned a tiny fraction of his techniques, you’d be dangerous. LOL
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Of course, my freaking itinerary had me leaving San Francisco back to Washington DC on that Friday afternoon. I feverishly attempted to switch flights to a later one, but had no luck other than a first class flight that cost $1200 more than my current ticket. That was a lot of money in the 1980’s, and couldn’t do it … we were forbidden to fly first class, and would be immediately rejected by corporate travel accounting, having nothing to do with costs. If I could have gotten a coach seat, it could have cost anything, and my boss had already given me the green light to stay another day or two, but I would have had to eat the $1200. 
