Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ask Mick Jagger. Or Steven Tyler. Or Steve Buscemi. Or John C. Reilly.
All of them are less than attractive, and they all are successful, with wives and/or GFs.
Why?? Because people can be attracted to qualities besides looks.
True—all ugly—but you named famous people who have plenty of money and , and some women find money and/or fame attractive, so we don't know if that came into play.
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
So you're ugly. Accept it and move on. Concentrate on your other qualities and talents. You are what you do, not how you look. Your are a free human being with 16 waking hours and a million things you could choose to do every single day that are fun and challenging and enjoyable and productive. DO SOMETHING and stop looking in the mirror. Einstein was as ugly as a bag of mold, didn't stop him. Shouldn't stop you. Only a tiny subset of humans are really good looking. The vast majority are ordinary, and most are plain or ugly. Big whoop. You are still expected to get something done with your life, and that does not require good looks.
However, if you are a fatty, you can improve things quite a bit by getting in shape and looking good from the neck down. The value of the package will go up from that effort. You can move from "fat and ugly", to "well built but plain minus". The upside is you will also be physically strong. Add to that some personal competence at something and some other neat accomplishments and a good life can be pulled out and enjoyed.
I don't actually always think about it. Sometimes I don't think about it and sometimes it makes me feel extremely down. I understand that people can be superficial, but the thing that bothers me is that I got my self-esteem destroyed over something that I had no control over. It's sort of a "Why me?" thing.
I can't tell a person to do X Y Z without appealing to their reason so that's what I'm about to attempt now
And my chance of success will vary between slightly-influential (miniscule) to life-changing, but a sand-grain's worth of positive change for one or more people is worth the time put in
There's parts of your brain that silently runs while you aren't aware, the part that tells you things and make you either chuckle to yourself when you try to sleep or cause you to outright hit yourself in frustration over your imagined wrongdoings or characteristics
This part of your brain has been fed false information by people and teachers over and over
and at the moment believes
It patiently waits while you go about your business, while you operate on a higher conscious, until something happens / pops up that reinforces the belief and that hidden part of your brain then shouts to you, "A ha! See! Someone said it again, it's true. You (talking directly to you) really are [insert whatever characteristic]"
Then you focus on it, give it attention, water it, feed it, nourish the thought; it expands
Its tendrils work its way into other areas of your life, interfering
Left alone, when you go to sleep tonight the time you transition from wakefulness to sleep you'll revisit the thought as you make sense of the day
This is a dangerous time to have unhelpful thinking patterns, because all your scrambled thoughts from the day are organized and reinforced before going to sleep
I'll say it again
That is a dangerous time after having had thought unhelpful things earlier in the day
Because they become cemented in your subconscious
And you carry those thoughts, even when your higher conscious "doesn't always think about it"
The fact is it occupies space, like a radioactive object sitting in your pocket that you forget you are carrying
So ask yourself, is it helpful to have these thoughts
Wouldn't it be better to have only positive, helpful thoughts?
Wouldn't it be nice to, like goodmockingbird said, dismiss those who try to plant infertile seeds in your head
Those thoughts lead to no where, nothing good comes from it,
All it does is it makes me angry that people in this world have little else to do besides sabotaging other people and make them waste time thinking bothersome and unhelpful thoughts
Luckily thoughts and beliefs are like the cells in your body
The body is constantly adding new cells as old ones die and are replaced
I know as a fact, because I've done it, that with positive thinking and reinforcing positive and helpful messages to your subconscious, the old unhelpful ideas die away and are replaced
Perhaps the cure for cancer can come about similarly, by simply stop feeding bad cells and nourishing many times more good ones
So you're ugly. Accept it and move on. Concentrate on your other qualities and talents. You are what you do, not how you look. Your are a free human being with 16 waking hours and a million things you could choose to do every single day that are fun and challenging and enjoyable and productive. DO SOMETHING and stop looking in the mirror. Einstein was as ugly as a bag of mold, didn't stop him. Shouldn't stop you. Only a tiny subset of humans are really good looking. The vast majority are ordinary, and most are plain or ugly. Big whoop. You are still expected to get something done with your life, and that does not require good looks.
However, if you are a fatty, you can improve things quite a bit by getting in shape and looking good from the neck down. The value of the package will go up from that effort. You can move from "fat and ugly", to "well built but plain minus". The upside is you will also be physically strong. Add to that some personal competence at something and some other neat accomplishments and a good life can be pulled out and enjoyed.
It's not easy to just "accept and move on". I agree, the majority of people are "average" in terms of looks, but the majority of people also probably didn't get bullied because of their looks either, or at least as severely as I was. There were several times that I didn't even want to come to school because I knew what was coming. Some of this was before I even turned 10. I never planned to not accomplish anything just because of my problem, I just wanted advice and to vent some of my frustrations. I'm also not fat, but I'm not necessarily in shape either. I have actually made a fitness goal for myself in time for next summer.
I can't tell a person to do X Y Z without appealing to their reason so that's what I'm about to attempt now
And my chance of success will vary between slightly-influential (miniscule) to life-changing, but a sand-grain's worth of positive change for one or more people is worth the time put in
There's parts of your brain that silently runs while you aren't aware, the part that tells you things and make you either chuckle to yourself when you try to sleep or cause you to outright hit yourself in frustration over your imagined wrongdoings or characteristics
This part of your brain has been fed false information by people and teachers over and over
and at the moment believes
It patiently waits while you go about your business, while you operate on a higher conscious, until something happens / pops up that reinforces the belief and that hidden part of your brain then shouts to you, "A ha! See! Someone said it again, it's true. You (talking directly to you) really are [insert whatever characteristic]"
Then you focus on it, give it attention, water it, feed it, nourish the thought; it expands
Its tendrils work its way into other areas of your life, interfering
Left alone, when you go to sleep tonight the time you transition from wakefulness to sleep you'll revisit the thought as you make sense of the day
This is a dangerous time to have unhelpful thinking patterns, because all your scrambled thoughts from the day are organized and reinforced before going to sleep
I'll say it again
That is a dangerous time after having had thought unhelpful things earlier in the day
Because they become cemented in your subconscious
And you carry those thoughts, even when your higher conscious "doesn't always think about it"
The fact is it occupies space, like a radioactive object sitting in your pocket that you forget you are carrying
So ask yourself, is it helpful to have these thoughts
Wouldn't it be better to have only positive, helpful thoughts?
Wouldn't it be nice to, like goodmockingbird said, dismiss those who try to plant infertile seeds in your head
Those thoughts lead to no where, nothing good comes from it,
All it does is it makes me angry that people in this world have little else to do besides sabotaging other people and make them waste time thinking bothersome and unhelpful thoughts
Luckily thoughts and beliefs are like the cells in your body
The body is constantly adding new cells as old ones die and are replaced
I know as a fact, because I've done it, that with positive thinking and reinforcing positive and helpful messages to your subconscious, the old unhelpful ideas die away and are replaced
Perhaps the cure for cancer can come about similarly, by simply stop feeding bad cells and nourishing many times more good ones
I appreciate your post. I know that thinking about it isn't helpful, and a lot of the time I don't even think about it, but it seems like I'm constantly reminded of it. It's like every time I hear someone talk about how attractive someone is or anything like that, I get reminded of how unattractive I am. I have actually tried to think positive thoughts about myself when I first wake up, and it does work temporarily sometimes but a lot of the time I just end up feeling bad again.
Perfect teeth, dresses nicely, not fat & has a sense of style......what is exactly is ugly about you? That's what I want to know.
You know of course that stuff like a big nose can easily be corrected with a little cosmetic surgery.
And you say that people think you look mad, when you're not.....well is it because you have those vertical lines between your eyebrows...or do you have frown lines on your face?
All can helped with a little filler.
What's bugging you about your looks
Last edited by allthatglitters; 11-19-2015 at 12:22 AM..
Reason: Editing to add - I'm sincerely trying to help
I realize we live in a culture that is obsessed with superficial human qualities. But not everyone is like that. Focus on ACCOMPLISHMENTS instead of appearances. Get involved in activities that genuinely interest you in which you can excel and contribute to the welfare of others.
If you are a bus driver, be the best bus driver you can be and realize you are an important part of many people's day. Work hard at any job you do and develop leadership and communication skills. If you have interests like art, music, sports, politics, etc., etc., develop your skills, get involved with organizations and people. If you are a student, apply yourself to your studies, interact with your teachers, and ask them to help you develop to your full potential.
Keep working on your physical fitness and take good care of your health. In the long run, healthy people look better than pretty people.
Above all, focus OUTSIDE yourself. Don't look in the mirror all the time literally or figuratively. Focus on people by being a caring individual. Focus on places by being a good community member. Keep active. Get out of the house and get involved in life. If you are an interesting person, good-quality humans won't care what you look like.
Jukesgrrl already said almost everything I'd have said.
All I can add is: build your confidence upon something other than your looks. Base it on whatever you've got going for you: your personality, accomplishments, sense of humor, business acumen, artistic ability, or whatever your strong suits are.
OP, I am a high school teacher and I have some perspective for you. I have seen quite a few of the kids get ridiculed for being ugly, when nothing could be further from the truth, because some of the cutest and nicest kids get bullied over this--bullies like to find your weakest spot and dig at it until they have completely eroded your sense of self and of course it's the sensitive kids who get picked on the most.
Also, there are kids who are beautiful in the conventional sense and those who are beautiful in the unconventional sense, if that makes sense lol. My younger daughter is absolutely gorgeous but she has always had a weight problem so she thinks she is not but she is way prettier in the face than a peer of hers who is a tall, blonde, and slim ex-cheerleader but who does not have a pretty face at all--still, the girl has the "hotness" factor that my daughter lacks. Now my daughter has lost weight and I dread it if she starts to get too much attention all at once. The reason I even point this out is that once you get past high school, people will be more open to the unconventionally beautiful adults.
And that is what happened to me--I went from extremely awkward--got called Pimplepuss daily in junior high and had Billy Bob teeth and awful clothes b/c my mother thought it appropriate to dress me like a 35 yo, but as my complexion cleared and I got my braces off and started buying my own clothes I very suddenly started to get a lot of attention and at first I thought they were making fun of me, Carrie style. They weren't though.
IOW, you may not be nearly as ugly as you thought and the best way to handle these bullies is to turn the joke back on them--if you can get everyone laughing at them for their idiocy you will "win" and gain some new friends in the process, though to tell you the truth, now that you're 18 you'll probably find that this stuff will really die down from now on and the contribution that you'll make to the world will gain in importance.
I wanted to say that self confidence comes from within yourself what you tell yourself.
I disagree 100% with that statement.
"Confidence" is built from achievements! Not what you tell yourself. That's being delusional. That's why so many overweight ppl tell themselves they're "pretty" when all they are is unhealthy. If you do nothing worthy of praise from others, then it will be very hard to feel confident!
You've got to quit the "I'm not pretty" BS and DO something worthy! Being "pretty" is not an achievement. Nor is worthy of praise.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
