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In my entire life (and I'm an older gent) I have never seen a person who was 'ugly.'
Engaging perhaps, but never the word ugly.
Each of us has something interesting about our face and expressions. Especially our eyes. Eyes are the window to the soul, and I believe that long ago expression.
Children say things that are quite cruel, and later on in life they realize this and develop true social skills.
Don't fret over things long past, think of your future. You are a young, vibrant person who is entering the world with all kinds of new things to offer within.
If someone else doesn't recognize that, then they were not worth your time of day my friend.
Last edited by TerraDown; 11-19-2015 at 07:27 PM..
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
First of all, I don't think I've seen a person who I would call "ugly". I find people endlessly interesting for their uniqueness. However, you might need to remember that we as humans have 4 basic aspects: Spiritual, Emotional, Mental, Physical. Notice that "physical" is last in line. It truly holds the least importance in the scope of life. We are all born with our looks and are limited in what we can do to change them.
So, ask yourself: How healthy and unburdened is my Spirit? What's the state of my Emotional life? What is the quality of the thoughts that usually occupy my Mind? These you CAN change. These are what make you a unique, creative person who can grow and change. Create a life for yourself based on a deeper meaning than how other people think you "look". Keep your Physical self reasonably healthy because it is the vehicle for your other 3 aspects to come out into the world.
Culture generally has it backwards because it puts most value on the surface, the Physical. It isn't true, and your whole life can pass by focusing on the surface and ignoring the more meaningful aspects of yourself. Surround yourself with people who value something besides "looks"...and value those people.
Just remember, there is always others uglier than you. And, there is someone out there waiting for you. **** those that make fun. Enjoy life and disregard *******s. Excuse the foul language. When I am frustrated, mad, or unhappy, I write. It is a cure for all.
Yeah, I have seen people "worse off" than me when it comes to looks but that hardly helps me feel any better.
They have been negative because you are ugly. We've already established that. We've also already established that the fact that you are ugly is unimportant as to the value and path that you choose for your life. Lots of ugly people do amazing things and die happy. Be one of them and stop looking in the mirror.
You're ugly. Overcome it.
I get it, but I don't know how to overcome years of humiliation, bullying, cruelty, and abuse.
You get really good at something. You become the go to guy in some field or you become the relied upon expert. Getting good at something is a real confidence booster. People who are good looking often rely on their looks to get them by, but those of us who are not good looking know that we have to get by on hard work, smarts and, if we have it, charisma. You find your strengths and you develop them.
And, learning good grooming and how to present yourself is helpful as well. But the best "revenge" is the life well lived. So, live your life well. Don't waste any opportunity.
That's another problem, I'm not really good at anything. Most people have hobbies or something of that nature that they're good at. I guess I just have to find something. As for getting revenge, I haven't seen the people who did bully me in years, they might not even remember me or care enough to. The only thing I'm happy about is that I don't have to see them or interact with them anymore, but I will never forgive them or forget what they did.
I get it, but I don't know how to overcome years of humiliation, bullying, cruelty, and abuse.
You should consider getting some counseling at this point. You are fully immersed in a pity party and are probably in a state of existential paralysis. It's fixable, but you may need some help. Plenty of people have gotten over ten times more than you. Holocaust concentration camp survivors have gone on to productive and fruitful lives. As have rape victims and blind kids and people burned over 70% of their bodies in fires and Rosie O'Donnell...
You can do it, get some counseling and reboot your life.
Your post reminds me of two things. First, the movie "Life is Beautiful". The principal character was NOT very attractive (as many consider 'attractive' in our very appearance-centered society), but he had a charm that won him the pretty wife and he had the beautiful spirit that saved his wife and son in the end. Such a beautiful sad movie.
Then, it reminds me of a friend who years ago I went to visit one afternoon at her home. The door opened and I gave a bit of a startled gasp as at the door stood her boyfriend and someone I did not recognize, but who was startlingly, 'unattractive'. I honestly thought that they must have a visitor who is disfigured from birth or developmentally delayed in some way. This person had a severely pushed in nose and cheeks and looked more or less like Miss Piggy - only worse. Then as I entered the house, I found it was my friend. I did not recognize her until she spoke. I was so confused.
She had been in a terrible car accident and I saw her after her first plastic surgery. I did not know she had been in an accident. She had many more surgeries afterward... In fact, she became addicted to plastic surgery and I think in the end they were not able to do much else for her as the damage had been so bad. She traveled the world and spent so much money. She was on her way to London the last time I saw her...
But it was what she told me that day I first saw her after the accident that always stuck with me. She said, "Until you are disfigured like she was, you have no idea what ugly means". She spoke of the many people, myself included, who saw her and responded with an immediate shocked/recoiling reaction. The reaction I had was spontaneous and couldn't be contained as her appearance was so shocking and unexpected.
If you've ever seen the old movie, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"...THAT is what she looked like. I lost contact with her over the years as she was pursuing a dream of whatever she needed to fix her damaged self.... I just never forgot that what she meant was that people shouldn't put so much emphasis in their 'ordinary' looks because things could be so much worse, as they were for her. It was a drunk driver that totaled her car...and her life as she understood it...very sad.
OP, just try to be the best "YOU". Others will gravitate toward this positive you. Best of luck.
I read a really good book years ago and I can't remember the title or the author. Strange that it made such difference in the way I think and I can't remember what the book was. It was about making positive changes to your life and I do remember the things in it that stuck with me.
One chapter was called "Leave high school behind". The bad things that happen in those years of your life don't matter as much as you think. For you it also applies to grade school. The world is a much bigger place with millions more people to meet. The person you decide to be has nothing to do with what anyone there once thought of you. It's the past and its time to stop caring about it.
The best chapter advised to not get even but get better. Don't think about getting even with any person that bullied you, concentrate on getting better. Do things. Set positive goals and work on them. Think about how to make and grow money and become as financially secure as possible. These are the things that build confidence. Take a class in something that interests you. Plan things to look forward to. Avoid negative people that get in the way of these goals.
Let me be blunt - I'm not a terribly attractive woman. I've got great boobs, a great butt, nice eyes and some crazy-spectacular hair, but ... I'm not that pretty, and I'm sure many find me terribly unattractive. And my photographs are HORRIBLE. In my last attempt at a professional shoot, I came out looking like Shrek's mom.
That said, I know I'm a total badass. I live my life under the principal that I should lead with kindness. I try to be authentic and genuine. I value knowledge. I am the first person my loved ones call when they have a crisis. And at some point or another, I have made most of my friends pee themselves laughing.
I have the best friends and family one could ever hope to have, awesome dogs, my own house, a great job and great colleagues, above-average intelligence and reasonably good health. I got over my appearance a long time ago.
The fact that you are alive, breathing an invisible gas, floating around a rock while flying through space and you're made of dust from exploding stars makes you one of the universe's most beautiful creations.
Now with all the hippe bs aside, the key to confidence is not giving a flying f*** what other people think. The truth is, that nobody is thinking about you or your self perceived short comings at all, they are to busy worrying about their own self perceived short comings to deal with that.
Also, picking something such as a hobby or a skill you're interested in and mastering it builds confidence. It doesn't matter if it's guitar, computers, chess, math, sports, working on cars, construction work or building Legos or literally anything, chicks will find it sexy if you're the best at it. Pick your thing and stick to it.
Some of the most confident people I know would be considered "ugly", but they don't care. In fact a lot of "beautiful" people have extreme self confidence issues, believe it or not. Looks has nothing to do with confidence. Not giving a f*** and skills has everything to do with confidence.
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