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The OP has gotten a LOT of truly helpful advice and positive comments.
Unfortunately, the most "unhelpful" comments are in the soundtrack he plays himself:
OP, have you had therapy?
I honestly believe that you need help to stop the ruminating you're doing about the stuff that happened to you as a child.
A lot of those replies were me answering questions that were asked. I've been to therapy before a few years ago (my mom made me go). I went to a few of them over the course of a few months. I saw three of them only once and I saw another one for a few sessions. I sort of told her about what happened but I didn't go into a whole lot of detail about the self-esteem issues and such.
A lot of those replies were me answering questions that were asked. I've been to therapy before a few years ago (my mom made me go). I went to a few of them over the course of a few months. I saw three of them only once and I saw another one for a few sessions. I sort of told her about what happened but I didn't go into a whole lot of detail about the self-esteem issues and such.
It takes time to get into effective therapy. Oftentimes you spend the first couple of sessions just getting the facts and background out.
I really do think you need it in order to change your outlook and way of thinking about what happened in the past.
I don't know, and I'm fortunate never to have had this problem. But I look at a guy like Jay-Z and Mitch McConnell, both of whom were able to get women. Stands to reason that ANYONE can, if those two can manage it.
I don't know, and I'm fortunate never to have had this problem. But I look at a guy like Jay-Z and Mitch McConnell, both of whom were able to get women. Stands to reason that ANYONE can, if those two can manage it.
While I do really want a girlfriend, that's not all that I'm concerned about. There are more women on earth than men, so I'm bound to find one soon I guess.
Ask Mick Jagger. Or Steven Tyler. Or Steve Buscemi. Or John C. Reilly.
All of them are less than attractive, and they all are successful, with wives and/or GFs.
Why?? Because people can be attracted to qualities besides looks.
Those qualities would be money in those cases. Looks do not matter if you are loaded, as money is the most important factor in dating, especially for men. If you project confidence, have a good career or other source of cash then your going to do well. It does not matter if you are fat, old, ugly or even if you are a total jerk. Money trumps anything.
All that being said if the OP is a decent person and he finds a woman who ranks on the "1-10" scale where he does then he will find someone. If you are a 3 and you look to aquire a 7 then yes your in for a disappointment. (unless you have money) If you are a 3 and you look for another 3 then you will be much more likely to find someone. Projecting an image of self confidence is also another key to success for dating or jobs for that matter. It does not matter if you are confident or not as long as you can make others think you are. For some reason self confidence is highly valued by society, even though it accomplishes or proves nothing about an individual. The OP needs to learn to make people think he has it. Dating is a lot like hunting for a good job, its all about selling yourself and projecting confidence. In short its a game, but if you want to be a "winner" then you have to play it to some extent.
Those qualities would be money in those cases. Looks do not matter if you are loaded, as money is the most important factor in dating, especially for men. If you project confidence, have a good career or other source of cash then your going to do well. It does not matter if you are fat, old, ugly or even if you are a total jerk. Money trumps anything.
All that being said if the OP is a decent person and he finds a woman who ranks on the "1-10" scale where he does then he will find someone. If you are a 3 and you look to aquire a 7 then yes your in for a disappointment. (unless you have money) If you are a 3 and you look for another 3 then you will be much more likely to find someone. Projecting an image of self confidence is also another key to success for dating or jobs for that matter. It does not matter if you are confident or not as long as you can make others think you are. For some reason self confidence is highly valued by society, even though it accomplishes or proves nothing about an individual. The OP needs to learn to make people think he has it. Dating is a lot like hunting for a good job, its all about selling yourself and projecting confidence. In short its a game, but if you want to be a "winner" then you have to play it to some extent.
I haven't even dated before, but when it comes to girls, I'd like one that I find attractive. Other people's standards of attractiveness doesn't really matter to me. My 10 might be someone else's 2. Anyway, I made this thread more about myself than anyone else. What I mean is that before I worry about how others see me, I was worried about how I see myself. It's no secret that I was bullied (I've stated it millions of times in this thread, lol) very much and for years. There were times that I tried to build myself up only to have my self-esteem torn down again. I will never forget the first day of my 5th grade year (undoubtedly the worst school year when it came to bullying/harassment). The previous night, I took a long shower and got really clean, I had just moved into a new house, and I was nervous (like most kids are when starting a new school year) but I was going to a new school and I planned to make new friends hopefully. I thought it was going to be a good year, I was bullied a little in the 4th grade but not too much. Then when I finally did go to school, it all started. I got laughed at and made fun of. I added that story because it's just hard for me to find reasons to take pride in myself (or at least my appearance) when things like that have been happening to me since I was a little kid.
I haven't even dated before, but when it comes to girls, I'd like one that I find attractive. Other people's standards of attractiveness doesn't really matter to me. My 10 might be someone else's 2. Anyway, I made this thread more about myself than anyone else. What I mean is that before I worry about how others see me, I was worried about how I see myself. It's no secret that I was bullied (I've stated it millions of times in this thread, lol) very much and for years. There were times that I tried to build myself up only to have my self-esteem torn down again. I will never forget the first day of my 5th grade year (undoubtedly the worst school year when it came to bullying/harassment). The previous night, I took a long shower and got really clean, I had just moved into a new house, and I was nervous (like most kids are when starting a new school year) but I was going to a new school and I planned to make new friends hopefully. I thought it was going to be a good year, I was bullied a little in the 4th grade but not too much. Then when I finally did go to school, it all started. I got laughed at and made fun of. I added that story because it's just hard for me to find reasons to take pride in myself (or at least my appearance) when things like that have been happening to me since I was a little kid.
It sounds like you may be letting other people (mean people at that) help you decide your own self worth. If you are a decent human being, treat others well and you contribute to society (work) then you have no reason not to value yourself. Allowing bullies from years ago to still influence the way you see yourself is really empowering them in a way they should not be empowered. We are all created by God, and he loves us all equally. Mean spirited people seem to forget that and use their social skills to knock others down. I hope you can find a way to ignore those people and not let them impact your life or self worth. Personally I don't give a rats posterior what others think of me. If I did then I would be at the mercy of a lot of mean low quality people. Good luck and walk with your head high.
"I reject that suggestion" is what a hypnotist once told me to say to myself if I don't want to internalize something someone says and during my life I've used it more times than I can count. I also use it if a thought I don't want comes into my mind.
"I reject that suggestion" is what a hypnotist once told me to say to myself if I don't want to internalize something someone says and during my life I've used it more times than I can count. I also use it if a thought I don't want comes into my mind.
"I reject that suggestion" is what a hypnotist once told me to say to myself if I don't want to internalize something someone says and during my life I've used it more times than I can count. I also use it if a thought I don't want comes into my mind.
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