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I have told myself hurtful things before. How exactly do you ask your subconscious for forgiveness? The thing about the words though is that I was told the same thing for many years - that I'm ugly. I don't know a lot about mental health, but I'm pretty sure that if a person gets insulted and told negative things pretty much on a regular basis, it takes a negative toll on a person. It's not that easy to just dismiss it because it seems to be true. No one has ever told me that I was attractive before. In fact, if I was told all my life that I was handsome, I'd probably believe that.
The solution is to accept facts and move on to new possibilities. We have covered this. You are ugly. Let's just accept that as a fact. So that will always be a negative about you. However there are probably 10 positive things about you to go with that fact.
Your fundamental mistake is focusing on this one thing and failing to equally consider the other 10.
Very similar to the bad news syndrome. The only thing that makes the media is the bad news. You are choosing consciously to focus on your worst aspect, your looks. You could choose otherwise, but you are not. Why are you not? Because you are weak. You are embracing your weakness. You are not working to replace the bad self-image, you are wallowing in it and enjoying it in a psychopathological way.
If, instead, you achieved goals on a daily basis as part of your long term lifestyle, the achievements and possibilities created by those achievements would overwhelm and bury the fact that you are ugly. And over time, you would stop being your own worst enemy.
This is a multi-decade effort and will not happen easily or overnight. You've been too weak for too long and correcting it is a long-term journey.
Start today. But no mysticism. No religion. No hope. No prayer. ACTION. Build something and admire it. Clean out your house/apartment/car and admire the results. Plan something good that will involve your time and effort for 1 week, 2 weeks, a semester, a year, 5 years, 10 years, your lifetime.
Point the damned ship in some direction. Any direction. And look at the stars and start navigating it where it needs to go.
And yes, you will be ugly for the entire journey, and some people will point that out. So what. Ignore them. Make a choice on this. Be strong. Blind people do it. People without legs do it. Retarded people even do it. Other ugly people do it. For you to plead impotence for something as STUPID as being ugly is insanity. Get off your arse already and be of value to someone.
Why not just allow ugly people to be euthanized? Most of us don't want to be here anyway. If I could go to a clinic and get myself euthanized I would do it.
Why not just allow ugly people to be euthanized? Most of us don't want to be here anyway. If I could go to a clinic and get myself euthanized I would do it.
Mod cut.
Um, I hope you never have to crawl out of a burning building and have your face reconstructed or suffer from cancer or some other horrible unforeseen circumstance. "Ugly" is not a real condition. Some people have scars, that's true. Some people perceive that they are not able to be loved by society, and that may be true if you frequent certain circles where looks are "everything," but it is not true for all people. Focus on your other strengths, like your mind and heart, if you believe that you are ugly, but chances are you are not ugly but just haven't found a way to accept yourself. Everyone is imperfect physically. Focus on your true beauty and perfect that.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-30-2015 at 09:27 AM..
Reason: Off-topic.
At 18 you are far from mature physically. You're still developing into the awesome person you were meant to be.
I totally get the fragile male ego. You need to understand that the crap that was said to you was said in meanness. It's not you. I'm dealing with an amazing man who has been stomped on by a couple of previous bad-choice marriages. I don't know if he'll ever recover his self-esteem completely.
Ladies, do the world a favor and be nice. And bullies, you should just sit in your idling car in a closed garage.
I'm not fishing for compliments. No one here even knows what I look like, so I couldn't be. Anyway, I got the same insult from multiple people, some who didn't even know me prior to insulting me, so I am sure that my looks really are the problem. Bullies and bullying will probably always exist, I was just a victim of it.
The solution is to accept facts and move on to new possibilities. We have covered this. You are ugly. Let's just accept that as a fact. So that will always be a negative about you. However there are probably 10 positive things about you to go with that fact.
Your fundamental mistake is focusing on this one thing and failing to equally consider the other 10.
Very similar to the bad news syndrome. The only thing that makes the media is the bad news. You are choosing consciously to focus on your worst aspect, your looks. You could choose otherwise, but you are not. Why are you not? Because you are weak. You are embracing your weakness. You are not working to replace the bad self-image, you are wallowing in it and enjoying it in a psychopathological way.
If, instead, you achieved goals on a daily basis as part of your long term lifestyle, the achievements and possibilities created by those achievements would overwhelm and bury the fact that you are ugly. And over time, you would stop being your own worst enemy.
This is a multi-decade effort and will not happen easily or overnight. You've been too weak for too long and correcting it is a long-term journey.
Start today. But no mysticism. No religion. No hope. No prayer. ACTION. Build something and admire it. Clean out your house/apartment/car and admire the results. Plan something good that will involve your time and effort for 1 week, 2 weeks, a semester, a year, 5 years, 10 years, your lifetime.
Point the damned ship in some direction. Any direction. And look at the stars and start navigating it where it needs to go.
And yes, you will be ugly for the entire journey, and some people will point that out. So what. Ignore them. Make a choice on this. Be strong. Blind people do it. People without legs do it. Retarded people even do it. Other ugly people do it. For you to plead impotence for something as STUPID as being ugly is insanity. Get off your arse already and be of value to someone.
This was actually very helpful. I still resent having to accept the fact that I'm ugly but I may have to. Making goals and actually doing things seems like a good place to start. I appreciate the help.
I'm not fishing for compliments. No one here even knows what I look like, so I couldn't be. Anyway, I got the same insult from multiple people, some who didn't even know me prior to insulting me, so I am sure that my looks really are the problem. Bullies and bullying will probably always exist, I was just a victim of it.
I've been reading all of these posts, and the only solution to your problem is to get involved in activities that will take your mind off of all of that trauma that you endured. This is easier than you realize.
When we have bad experiences, WE have to take charge of our own lives and situations and change them ourselves. You have to find the strength and courage from somewhere. Is it easy? No. Will you go back to feeling these things? Yes. But if you are busy taking care of yourself and focusing on your accomplishments, you have less time to think dumb things. Then, they start moving to the backburner and you realize you don't have time for that.
You would be amazed what simple, free things like walking and hiking can do for self-esteem, and for your mind. Working out truly is one of the BEST things you can do for yourself. Start small, then increase it to more challenging excecises. Also, settting goals for yourself are important. Write them down and move towards them little by little. Do you want to study something? Go talk to a school counselor and see what you need to do. Are you interested in art? Sign up for an art class. Music? Start taking music classes. If you feel that you can't do this alone, then go to a couselor, psychologist, maybe even an accupuncturist.
No one else defines your life, YOU DO. If you want to be sad for the rest of your life because others bullied you and told you you were ugly, you can. But, remember that you only have one life and trust me, it goes by fast. You don't want to be older and alone and think that you wasted so many years of your life by giving power to some fools who made fun of you in high school. What a waste!
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
There's no such thing as an ugly person. Really.
You probably have built up your appearance as negative more than it really is. Although I have no doubt you're not beautiful. Example: My brother used to make fun of my big toes, how enormous they were. I had not noticed before. Over the years (I'm 61 now), I have never forgotten, and think of my big toes as huge. YES, they are larger than normal, but not much. I realize this because of buying shoes. There are also GOOD things about my feet. My toes slant from big toe down to little toe, just like they're supposed to, with each toe being shorter than the preceding one. None of that middle toe that sticks out above the others. I used to be self conscious about my toes. Now, I accept they're a bit larger than normal, but no big deal, and there are attributes. I have grown to be fine with my feet (no one's feet are pretty).
Third: Cosmetic surgery. There may be one thing in particular about your face that you feel is the really big thing that detracts. A nose is super easy to fix and one of the most common cosmetic surgeries. Both width and length and humps & bumps. A weak chin? Fixable (Carol Burnett). Weird eyebrows? That is fixable without surgery; get ye to a cosmetician. Droopy eyelids? Actually, that can work in your favor (some celebrities have that), but if you need a blepharoplasty, get one. That's is one of the most common, and the safest, of surgeries you can get. It'll give you spaces above your eyelash line, take away bags under the eyes. If you can't afford it, save up for it. Get a second, part time job. Get a better paying job.
Fourth: Hair is one of the most important assets for a woman (are you a woman?). Anyone's hair can look good. Go with your natural hair, and just have it professionally cut, and then style it, and condition the heck out of it. It should be soft and shiny, and move when the wind blows. If it's short, grow it. Few women look good with boy cuts.
Fifth: Figure. That does not require surgery, usually. There are improvements you can make that cost nothing. You know what they are. Working out with weights is one of the most important things you can do for your figure.
Sixth: Focus on ONE asset you have, the best one, and zero in on making that astounding, since you're starting with a good asset to begin with. The eyes or the hair or the shape of face or the cheekbones or lips or long neck like a swan. Or is it the way you move? Think of Audrey Hepburn: Biggish nose, anorexic looking. But with her shiny hair and enormous beautiful eyes (when they were wearing makeup), her long swan neck, and the graceful way she moved....she was regarded as beautiful, when in fact she wasn't. Neither was Sophia Loren. Big nose, tall and awkward, huge feet, hair that was coarse. But she had an hourglass figure and beautiful eyes. Those celebrities made the most of their attributes, and minimized their negatives. Ingrid Bergman...she said that when she moved to Hollywood from Sweden, she could hear people speaking about her...saying what was that cow doing in Hollywood? She was tall, awkward, didn't have a great figure, she had man sized feet, and she didn't naturally dress well or move gracefully. She didn't have beautiful eyes, either. But Hollywood made the most of what she had, and she became a star regarded as womanhood itself. All the famous men were after her. What did she have? A smoldering sensuality, a romantic type face, sincerity, femininity, a soulful look in the eyes, vulnerability. Use your assets.
Finally, I never made fun of anyone. But I knew of kids who were viewed as dorks. Usually, it wasn't their appearance so much as it was the way they acted. Their lack of self confidence made them easy targets. They could have looked the way they looked and been popular, IF they had had the personality. I'm sure you've seen pics of bullied kids on the internet. All that I've seen are really attractive kids. Yet their appearance is made fun of....because they are the type that attracts bullies, and bullies go after what seems to make a kid react the most.
Sometimes it wasn't looks so much as oddness with the hair, uncleanliness, and the like. I specifically recall some boys whose hair always looked greasy and dirty, although if they had cleaned up and grown up, they could easily be handsome. Their clothes were also never up to snuff. I'm sure they were poor, but you can be poor and clean and look appropriate.
If you're female, you are lucky. There is so much you can do to make yourself look attractive. It's all smoke and mirrors....image. Get the figure, the hair, dress well and alluringly (but not low class), wear appropriate makeup....boom....you're a hot number. It's so easy to fool some men.
Be careful, after you do this and that and jump through a million hoops for yourself,
There will come a time when you'll want to feel like reflecting
People in this world, this country, think if you work hard enough there will be no time for reflection
So you shouldn't have to "think" anymore, just do what you're told
How will you, alone with your thoughts, reflect on the present? after you've accomplished all your goals?
Will you unearth the past? No, don't do that..
And Mr. Paolella isn't addressing this
Instead he is pounding "more of what you've always heard" into your head..
..Lacking etiquette I might also add;
you don't just go around calling people ugly
He's done that a bazillion times in this thread
That is a negative thing to say, for a realtor working for Century 21
Woops forgot to capitalize realtor
So I dare you to call him ugly one more time
Last edited by Wannabeliber; 11-29-2015 at 12:55 PM..
You probably have built up your appearance as negative more than it really is. Although I have no doubt you're not beautiful. Example: My brother used to make fun of my big toes, how enormous they were. I had not noticed before. Over the years (I'm 61 now), I have never forgotten, and think of my big toes as huge. YES, they are larger than normal, but not much. I realize this because of buying shoes. There are also GOOD things about my feet. My toes slant from big toe down to little toe, just like they're supposed to, with each toe being shorter than the preceding one. None of that middle toe that sticks out above the others. I used to be self conscious about my toes. Now, I accept they're a bit larger than normal, but no big deal, and there are attributes. I have grown to be fine with my feet (no one's feet are pretty).
Third: Cosmetic surgery. There may be one thing in particular about your face that you feel is the really big thing that detracts. A nose is super easy to fix and one of the most common cosmetic surgeries. Both width and length and humps & bumps. A weak chin? Fixable (Carol Burnett). Weird eyebrows? That is fixable without surgery; get ye to a cosmetician. Droopy eyelids? Actually, that can work in your favor (some celebrities have that), but if you need a blepharoplasty, get one. That's is one of the most common, and the safest, of surgeries you can get. It'll give you spaces above your eyelash line, take away bags under the eyes. If you can't afford it, save up for it. Get a second, part time job. Get a better paying job.
Fourth: Hair is one of the most important assets for a woman (are you a woman?). Anyone's hair can look good. Go with your natural hair, and just have it professionally cut, and then style it, and condition the heck out of it. It should be soft and shiny, and move when the wind blows. If it's short, grow it. Few women look good with boy cuts.
Fifth: Figure. That does not require surgery, usually. There are improvements you can make that cost nothing. You know what they are. Working out with weights is one of the most important things you can do for your figure.
Sixth: Focus on ONE asset you have, the best one, and zero in on making that astounding, since you're starting with a good asset to begin with. The eyes or the hair or the shape of face or the cheekbones or lips or long neck like a swan. Or is it the way you move? Think of Audrey Hepburn: Biggish nose, anorexic looking. But with her shiny hair and enormous beautiful eyes (when they were wearing makeup), her long swan neck, and the graceful way she moved....she was regarded as beautiful, when in fact she wasn't. Neither was Sophia Loren. Big nose, tall and awkward, huge feet, hair that was coarse. But she had an hourglass figure and beautiful eyes. Those celebrities made the most of their attributes, and minimized their negatives. Ingrid Bergman...she said that when she moved to Hollywood from Sweden, she could hear people speaking about her...saying what was that cow doing in Hollywood? She was tall, awkward, didn't have a great figure, she had man sized feet, and she didn't naturally dress well or move gracefully. She didn't have beautiful eyes, either. But Hollywood made the most of what she had, and she became a star regarded as womanhood itself. All the famous men were after her. What did she have? A smoldering sensuality, a romantic type face, sincerity, femininity, a soulful look in the eyes, vulnerability. Use your assets.
Finally, I never made fun of anyone. But I knew of kids who were viewed as dorks. Usually, it wasn't their appearance so much as it was the way they acted. Their lack of self confidence made them easy targets. They could have looked the way they looked and been popular, IF they had had the personality. I'm sure you've seen pics of bullied kids on the internet. All that I've seen are really attractive kids. Yet their appearance is made fun of....because they are the type that attracts bullies, and bullies go after what seems to make a kid react the most.
Sometimes it wasn't looks so much as oddness with the hair, uncleanliness, and the like. I specifically recall some boys whose hair always looked greasy and dirty, although if they had cleaned up and grown up, they could easily be handsome. Their clothes were also never up to snuff. I'm sure they were poor, but you can be poor and clean and look appropriate.
If you're female, you are lucky. There is so much you can do to make yourself look attractive. It's all smoke and mirrors....image. Get the figure, the hair, dress well and alluringly (but not low class), wear appropriate makeup....boom....you're a hot number. It's so easy to fool some men.
Haha, I'm a guy, hence my username. I do think I have at least one positive physical attribute. I've been told before that I have "pretty eyes", but an old lady told that to me. I also get called handsome sometimes by members of my family, but I figure it's because I'm apart of their family more than anything. No one is going to tell a family member that they're ugly. I do know that my facial structure could possibly be a problem. Every time I take a picture of myself, my face looks crooked or slanted. I'm fine when it comes to hygiene, I shower and use deodorant and body sprays regularly. My hair is pretty clean and I also regularly wash my clothes. As far as surgery goes, I shortly considered it but as another poster pointed out, it can't make me not ugly, so that discouraged me. Honestly, I don't know what my best asset is. I've never really been complimented before outside of the people I stated earlier. I get no attention from girls so I don't really know.
Be careful, after you do this and that and jump through a million hoops for yourself,
There will come a time when you'll want to feel like reflecting
People in this world, this country, think if you work hard enough there will be no time for reflection
So you shouldn't have to "think" anymore, just do what you're told
How will you, alone with your thoughts, reflect on the present? after you've accomplished all your goals?
Will you unearth the past? No, don't do that..
And Mr. Paolella isn't addressing this
Instead he is pounding "more of what you've always heard" into your head..
..Lacking etiquette I might also add;
you don't just go around calling people ugly
He's done that a bazillion times in this thread
That is a negative thing to say, for a realtor working for Century 21
Woops forgot to capitalize realtor
So I dare you to call him ugly one more time
And you are stuck in some kind of cloud 9. When you "reflect", it needs to be on what you've done. You are what you do, and are of no value and not worth reflecting on if you sit around and just exist. You have no value outside your goals and actions. To be of value to yourself and others, there needs to be planning, focus, rational action, execution, and enjoyment. Love follows that because to be loved, you need to have value. No one is worth loving unconditionally "just for being themselves". That is a crock of BS that we've been handed and it's just not true.
As far as calling the poster ugly, I never did that. He identified himself as ugly, gave evidence, and I took him at his word. The important point is the unimportance of being ugly. A successful and fantastic life is possible for ugly people, or anyone else with various flaws. They just need to focus on their other attributes and let action in those areas lead to productivity and value. Which will be followed by happiness.
The first step is acceptance of reality. The OP is about to do that and move on to a great life. But to do that, I humbly but accurately suggest that he ignores your posts and others like it. And follows suggestions in mine instead.
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