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Have you forgiven them (the bullies), and your self? It's an internal resolve, possibly spoken out loud.
I'll never forgive them or forget what happened. I don't really see a reason to forgive myself because I did nothing wrong. I used to be angry at myself for being awkward and unattractive, but I realized that I didn't choose to be this way.
I'll never forgive them or forget what happened. I don't really see a reason to forgive myself because I did nothing wrong. I used to be angry at myself for being awkward and unattractive, but I realized that I didn't choose to be this way.
I'll never forgive them or forget what happened. I don't really see a reason to forgive myself because I did nothing wrong. I used to be angry at myself for being awkward and unattractive, but I realized that I didn't choose to be this way.
No, no, no. Unforgivingness is a prison cell, to which only you have the key.
Letting yourself out of the cell through forgiving is a beginning to building self esteem. If you don't forgive, you might feel like you get out of gaol by building self confidence, but self confidence doesn't have the depth of self-esteem. You need the latter, and unconditional forgiveness is key. No one is asking you to understand why they did it.
Forgiving yourself is associated with having believed the lie that they first said. Admit you were conned by it, and believed it, when you should have rejected it.
Another thing. The thread title itself implies a belief that self confidence can make up for ugliness. Maybe it can, but as ive mentioned, its the scar covering the wound. It is better to have self love/esteem as a foundation for confidence. Looking into the psychology of self esteem is a better start than patching over problems with confidence. People who have bags of confidence will always pi55 on esteem as a valuable concept. Ask yourself, why is that? Anything to do with their self-esteem perhaps?
I once had a boss who while we were having one of our long chats said, "can you look at yourself in the mirror?". I said, " I can't walk past a mirror without looking at myself.". Then the revelation hit me and I said to him, "you don't love yourself". He said, " we're not going there". ...the issue is that you have to go there, for best results.
Erikson's 8 stage life cycle is another place to find some meaning.
No, no, no. Unforgivingness is a prison cell, to which only you have the key.
Letting yourself out of the cell through forgiving is a beginning to building self esteem. If you don't forgive, you might feel like you get out of gaol by building self confidence, but self confidence doesn't have the depth of self-esteem. You need the latter, and unconditional forgiveness is key. No one is asking you to understand why they did it.
Forgiving yourself is associated with having believed the lie that they first said. Admit you were conned by it, and believed it, when you should have rejected it.
I haven't seen the bullies in almost 10 years, they probably don't even think about me much less desire my forgiveness. Not having to see them anymore is enough for me. They don't deserve my forgiveness. I can't really blame myself for not rejecting it, as I was only 10 at the time. It's going to be a long road but I'm starting to convince myself that I'm not as bad looking as they had me believe.
I haven't seen the bullies in almost 10 years, they probably don't even think about me much less desire my forgiveness. Not having to see them anymore is enough for me. They don't deserve my forgiveness. I can't really blame myself for not rejecting it, as I was only 10 at the time. It's going to be a long road but I'm starting to convince myself that I'm not as bad looking as they had me believe.
No one 'deserves' forgiveness, but everyone gets it, ultimately, and principally from God. He doesn't count our wrongdoing against us, and therefore we ought not to count anyone else's wrongdoing against them. It's another thing for the wrongdoer to seek restitution with those they've wronged, but whether they do or don't, this is the prison and suffering they have made. How we treat others is fundamentally driven by how we feel about ourselves.
Look up an article: self esteem based leadership and meaning by scanlead. It says that self esteem seeks to build meaning into how managers lead, where self confidence seeks to build performance only. Seek meaning and understanding on how to 'be', rather than how to 'do', first and foremost.
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