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I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
I don't know if this will help you, but it might.
Aside from beauty being in the eye of the beholder, some people are just not genuinely attractive from a visual perspective to a majority of others. That said, we are talking about superficial looks, not the persons actual character.
Women my swoon over Brad Pitt's looks, but if he were a jerk or abusive, his looks would only take him so far. Furthermore, while most women probably wouldn't say he was unattractive, some wouldn't think he was hot/attractive because he is not their type. So just like some men might find Pamela Anderson hot, others would pass on her.
That said, here are a few things to keep in mind. While you may never be considered attractive, at 18 you have not yet reached your peak so to speak. Most kids, even ugly ducklings get to be more attractive after they go through certain stages like past puberty.
It is natures way of giving everyone the best shot at finding a mate in their most sexually active years.
Example;
There was a girl we all ignored in HS because she was gangly, unkept, goofy, had an eye that drifted, and who knows what else.
Then at the 10 year reunion, this girl walks in that was turning heads. No one knew who she was, but sure enough it was the same girl.
The guys who wouldn't give her a first look in HS, much less a second, were ready to ask her out. It just took time for her to reach that aforementioned time in life.
So I suspect that you may not have yet hit your stride so to speak.
Another thing is that women are attracted to many different things. Leadership, money, confidence, power, strength, etc.
In this day of so called "metrosexual" where the men preen and worry about their looks more than women, that is a turn off for many of them. They are looking for rugged looking guys who are men's men.
John Wayne was not the most good looking guy, especially as he got older. But women were attracted to him because of his manliness.
I remember a time a buddy & I were on the make at a hopping bar on the seaside. The girls were all in bikinis and were there for the same reason. Well next thing you know a speed boat pulls up to the dock, and a pretty ugly guy gets off the boat with two super hot women on his arms. Every indication was that they were sleeping with him, because they were all over him. Everyone, including my buddy and I were thinking how on earth are these two hot women with this guy
He was short, balding, etc., yet they were with him. The assumption was that he had big bucks and was their sugar daddy. The point is that his money and/or confidence was enough for him to pick up women.
The moral of these stories is to say find your nitch (manliness, strength, humor, personality, money, power, kindness, etc.), and use it just as some guys rely on their good looks to find a significant other.
Yeah, I can't stand my "resting" face. I think that it potentially draws people away from me because they think I'm angry or unpleasant when I'm not. I don't really know how to behave super confidently. I have never been a really confident person. I'm currently practicing self-improvement by setting fitness goals for myself and as stated before, I want to learn how to play a musical instrument.
You've gotten some good responses so far. At 18, youre legally an adult, but you're still maturing, both physically and mentally, still growing into the man you're going to be.
Learning how to play a musical instrument is great. Now is the time to explore things you're curious about, and see what appeals to you. But this is not limited to your age group. As you age and mature, you will develop different interests and hobbies, things that didn't appeal to you as a teenager. We're all a work in progress.
I don't know if this will help you, but I definitely believe in changing something if you don't like it rather than just accepting it the way it is. I haven't read every single post on here, so some things I can suggest might have been already been said.
It's okay for guys to wear makeup as long as it doesn't look like you're wearing makeup. If you can get concealer (even if you don't have acne, it still helps, trust me), foundation, highlight and contour powder, you can almost change how your facial structure looks. Coloring and styling your hair differently can help too. Other styles can make your face look a different shape. Colored contacts can make a huge difference too, like this:
I was wondering if perhaps you can do me the biggest favor in the world ?
Could you ..
Print out all the pages from this topic thread you made
And could you ..
With a pen or permanent marker go through and strike out all the names of the people
And could you ..
With the pen/marker strike out any and all comments and sentences are are not helpful
And could you ..
with a highlighter highlight all the helpful posts and sentences you find that go against what you currently believe but perhaps may be helpful
Finally ..
Could you run through the pages of remaining un-removed material, and read through the highlighted material ?
You could then either leave the papers out where you can see them or you can file them away for future use later
Optionally you can summarize those helpful/highlighted posts here in this thread in your own posting
But you don't have to
In the real world, beauty is less attractive than a guy/gal who can cook and manage the house. "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life..."
Not to take away from the OP, but frankly, I'd rather be beautiful than have the saintly gift of being able to run a household. If all I'm valued for are my housekeeping abilities...Pfftttttt.
To the OP: Is there anything about your looks that you can correct with plastic surgery? Because if there is, then I'd advise you to get as educated as you can, make a ton of money, and go for the plastic surgery. People are always going to tell you that looks aren't as important as what's on the inside, but if looking better makes you feel better, than I don't see anything wrong with considering plastic surgery.
I was wondering if perhaps you can do me the biggest favor in the world ?
Could you ..
Print out all the pages from this topic thread you made
And could you ..
With a pen or permanent marker go through and strike out all the names of the people
And could you ..
With the pen/marker strike out any and all comments and sentences are are not helpful
And could you ..
with a highlighter highlight all the helpful posts and sentences you find that go against what you currently believe but perhaps may be helpful
Finally ..
Could you run through the pages of remaining un-removed material, and read through the highlighted material ?
You could then either leave the papers out where you can see them or you can file them away for future use later
Optionally you can summarize those helpful/highlighted posts here in this thread in your own posting
But you don't have to
It's alright, I don't pay any mind to the negative posts. I appreciate all the helpful posts in this thread, and even though I haven't responded to every single one, I want everyone to know that I appreciate your help.
Not to take away from the OP, but frankly, I'd rather be beautiful than have the saintly gift of being able to run a household. If all I'm valued for are my housekeeping abilities...Pfftttttt.
To the OP: Is there anything about your looks that you can correct with plastic surgery? Because if there is, then I'd advise you to get as educated as you can, make a ton of money, and go for the plastic surgery. People are always going to tell you that looks aren't as important as what's on the inside, but if looking better makes you feel better, than I don't see anything wrong with considering plastic surgery.
I don't really know. I remember one of the things that they made fun of me for is the fact that even though I can be wide awake, it's like my eyes droop real low so it looks like I'm sleepy. They would say that I looked I was retarded. I remember sometimes they'd call my name so when I looked at them, they'd just start laughing at me. I'm not too huge on the idea of getting plastic surgery, maybe I'd consider it one day. The thought that I could potentially not be satisfied which could make me desire more surgeries turns me off from it.
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence. For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive. I'm 18 and back when I was in elementary school, I was bullied pretty harshly because of how I looked. Boys and girls alike used to make fun of me and call me ugly. I have pretty much internalized it now. It's easy to say that they were lying or to not believe it, but I didn't see any other kids getting it as bad as me. I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true. The people who actually had good looks never got made fun of, and I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either. It makes me feel bad when I see attractive people because I know they are constantly reminded of how good they look and they probably know it, but I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
Body building is a wonderful thing. If you are overweight, drop the weight first then do bodybuilding. Doing body building has been the biggest self esteem boost I ever got. We all have the ability to change our bodies to look great, it just requires an IMMENSE amount of work, dedication, and effort, hence why everyone does not have great bodies. But seriously, once you start seeing your hard work pay off and your body look wonderful, your confidence and self esteem will soar despite what other physical features you have.
And could you ..
With the pen/marker strike out any and all comments and sentences are are not helpful
And could you ..
with a highlighter highlight all the helpful posts and sentences you find that go against what you currently believe but perhaps may be helpful
The OP has gotten a LOT of truly helpful advice and positive comments.
Unfortunately, the most "unhelpful" comments are in the soundtrack he plays himself:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
I feel like I will never be able to have a healthy sense of self-esteem or confidence.
For most of my life I've been reminded that I'm ugly and not attractive.
I can assume that the only reason that they'd make fun of me and call me ugly is because it really is true.
I can assume that if I had good looks, I wouldn't have gotten made fun of either.
I'm the complete opposite and it's not like it's something that I can control, I was literally born this way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
The way I look is just the problem.
My regular default expression makes me look confused or angry, and people always tell me that I look mad when I'm not.
I'm just also not very physically attractive, even I can admit that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
I got my self-esteem destroyed over something that I had no control over. It's sort of a "Why me?" thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
I am out of shape though....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
It's like every time I hear someone talk about how attractive someone is or anything like that, I get reminded of how unattractive I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
It's my face that's the problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
That's another problem, I'm not really good at anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomguy18
It has to be about looks in my opinion, because let's face it, if I did look good it wouldn't have happened to me.
OP, have you had therapy?
I honestly believe that you need help to stop the ruminating you're doing about the stuff that happened to you as a child.
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