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I know men can get away with not always looking perfectly handsome. In fact, a man with what would typically not be the standard "handsome" face, seems to make up for it with a strong dash of individuality that will always make me think it adds to his appearance. Woman can't quite say the same thing.
Sometimes for fun I read the ads in Craig's List and all those guys are looking for a "real" woman, but she always has to be good looking. Sometimes I dream of putting in an ad of my own that would say: REAL woman here. Old, overweight, wears coke bottle bottom glasses, buck teeth, large nose, no chin, shy, not social, unemployed, broke, emotional baggage and issues, perverted sense of humor (I laughed at Challenger jokes), and more independent than you'd ever want.
I haven't done that yet because with my usual run of luck, I'd meet Jack the Ripper. Oh, did I mention I was unlucky? Yeah, I'm unlucky, too. LOL
First of all, you ROCK, you've asked a question many have struggled with but couldn't voice, you've obviously put quite a bit of thought in to your situation, and you understand some psychology, so BRAVO!!
Now, while it IS important to consdider the opinion of others, you must also understand that it is YOU who decides what to accept as truth, and YOU who decides what to do with it (internalize it, or not?). Just because people in your life have told you something doesn't make it true, and even if is TRUE, consider accepting that and moving on (maybe you're 'ugly' maybe not, but LOTS of 'ugly,' even physically deformed or injured people, live beautiful, happy, fulfilling lives -but it's a choice.)
So, you're 18, fresh out of the drama filled hell of highschool, and you're figuring out who you are. Take heart! In a sense, the 'life and death' situations you survived in high school are kind of like practice for adulthood, and like high school, there will always be bullies, jerks, and naysayers in life doing what they can to feel better about themselves by putting others down. (PS, appearance and popularity seem much more important now than they will later).
So you have a choice: A) bemoan your lot, accept how others see you, limit yourserlf, your opportunities, your freedom, and stay stagnant, miserable, likely lonely. Or B) turn your attention away from what you think other people see (true or not), discover your talents, interests, gifts, strengths, and your true beauty. Don't try to be someone you're not, especially not for such superficial efforts. Beauty fades, character, wisdom, and what you DO does not. Those who depend on their physical appearance have a shallow and narrow window to find fulfillment, and even if they do, it won't last.
Decide what matters to you, if you focus on what you're not and judge yourself by the image and expectations of others, you will be disappointed and unfullfilled, left dreaming on the sidelines for something that will never come to pass.
Ever watch Game of Thrones? I've only seen a little, but one character stood out to me: Tyrian Lannister, the noble midget bastard (illigetimate son). His character lives in a time of structured hierarchy and rampant judgement. He accepts that he's small, yet he succeeded in finding success, joy, and fulfillment because of it. He shared with another noble bastard that once he accepted he himself was both a midget and a bastard, no one could use it as a weapon against him.
Define yourself by your own standards. Who are you? What's important to you. What do you want, like, love? What are your talents, strengths, and interests? How do you define attractive? Focus on you and you will develop confidence.
:-)
Yeah, I'm glad that I'm done with school. I hated being in that environment. Anyway, I want to develop some musical talent in myself by learning an instrument. I'm currently working, but I'm not making a whole lot of money. I want to start taking saxophone lessons. I noticed that when I was at work, it took my mind off of the things that bother me temporarily, so I'm guessing that if I had other things to occupy my time, I wouldn't think about it as much and maybe learn to be confident in other things. I appreciate the kind words also.
It is self confidence. Look at Donald Trump, he is not attractive at all, yet he is successful. (Regardless if you like him or not, we cannot deny that he is successful.)
It is self confidence. Look at Donald Trump, he is not attractive at all, yet he is successful. (Regardless if you like him or not, we cannot deny that he is successful.)
He really isn't that successful...he was set up from the start by his ALREADY wealthy father. Then Trump junior went on to bankrupt several of his own businesses. Is "being born into a wealthy family" considered "being successful"...?
My question was in response to those people who say, "Get good at something". How can he if his confidence is shot?
It doesn't matter what that something is.
Because getting good is a decision and a choice. It doesn't require confidence. Emotions will follow action. Decisions, choices and actions precede emotions. Emotions are a measurement, a value judgement. Positive and rational action will yield the correct emotions, the first of which will be pride in committing to and executing the action.
Trump is rich though. I'm pretty sure if you had his money, it wouldn't matter what you looked like.
This is your first step. Recognizing that there are circumstances where looks take a distant back seat to another factor. There are many other circumstances that will push looks to insignificance. Some can involve you if you choose correctly. Like getting good at something and working out and building muscles and physical strength.
This is your first step. Recognizing that there are circumstances where looks take a distant back seat to another factor. There are many other circumstances that will push looks to insignificance. Some can involve you if you choose correctly. Like getting good at something and working out and building muscles and physical strength.
Don't ignore your own insight.
I wouldn't want people to like me because of riches though, that's not genuine. I'd rather it be because of my personality or something related.
Actually OP..BEAUTY is in the EYE of the beholder..and that is due to the shear fact that the BEAUTY is actually NOT on the outside but the inside..in the soul of that person...
Many fall in love with media portraying of beauty..But's actually a false narrative..because many described pretty people are in fact EVIL..and SO MANY have not so beautiful appearances..yet their BEAUTY shines thru despite it!!
Everybody should attempt to make the most of what they have..appear clean, presentable..and conduct their lives respectably....BUT for those that enhance their physical form..needs to ask why?? because outside "Prettiness" will never feed the need to be applauded by your peers!
Course..there is nothing wrong with corrective surgery if somehow accident's or injuries cause deformities or horrific damages to face/body as that is totally acceptable!!!!!!!!
I wouldn't want people to like me because of riches though, that's not genuine. I'd rather it be because of my personality or something related.
The action that generated Trump's wealth IS genuine. In any case, your personality is worthless in a vacuum. What is important is what you DO. Without actions, achievements, and accomplishments, virtue is impossible, self-worth will not occur, and you will remain a worthless sack composed of 90% water and some proteins and salts. So do not look to be valued or loved without decisions and action. It cannot happen.
One can legitimately argue that Trump has an awful personality, but make no mistake, he is a smart and talented guy and he has accomplished many things that most others could not hope to. He is not still alive in a Presidential campaign due to personality, but in spite of it. That is the power of decisions, execution, action, and accomplishment.
That is a type of power you need to discover, even if its on a small and limited scale. Even in tiny amounts, a fantastic life can be built upon it.
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