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I worked for the government, and was on the short list of people who would be called in during emergencies and what have you. My boss and I had an "emergency plan" that involved our flatirons.
Ain't no one taking instructions from two women who's hair looks like a bad version of a vixen from an 80s rock video.
"I'm sure this construction will be done soon. Look, the road is smooth. I'm sure they're getting ready to pave it!" I said to my husband with my big, naïve, stupid, idiotic eyes fluttering the other day.
Today, there is a 3 foot drop-off at the end of the driveway, a huge, gaping hole 3 blocks long, closing off the whole street in front of one side of our house, and our truck (which my husband usually drives to work) is sitting there, in the driveway, useless.
My car, however, which I parked on the other side of the house, away from the construction, is gone... at my husband's office. I don't actually have to go anywhere today, thankfully, because I CAN'T... but now that I CAN'T, I wanna.
Also, I am so sick of the back of this dump truck slamming loudly, causing me to simultaneously have a heart attack and release small amounts of urine from surprise. (I'm making that part up because I like to be gross. It's an affliction.)
My hair looks fabulous today. I mean, really. It looks better than it has in a year. And I'm in the house. You know it isn't gonna look good tomorrow! Jeezum crow. Life's unfair. Would it be weird if I went out and asked the construction workers to compliment my new hair? HA! "Excuse me. Please stop this bulldozer immediately. I need to ask you a question. Do you think my hair looks excellent or do you think my hair looks stupendous?" *I become flattened into the pavement that's about to be laid down, I just know it... any day now.*
OMG. We just had road work in front of OUR house! And simultaneously, my hair looked fabulous! AND I COULD NOT GO ANYWHERE.
Then the next day, I did venture forth and when I was coming back into the neighborhood, some guy with a flag was standing there and he stopped me and asked me to give my address (check point?). I gave it to him but I had to resist the temptation to say, "Look, the important thing is - my hair. It looks great." Because my hair still did look great because the humidity had dropped! He was cute too but totally oblivious to a middle aged woman having a great hair day.
I have to pick up my granddaughter from school today. It's the first day which means I'll be in line forever, wasting gas. We are not supposed to use our cell phones or have the music on so we can hear when they call the students name. Now what am I supposed to do sitting in a line of cars waiting for 30 minutes or more?
Speaking of kids, and school, here is my old-person rant of the day. These kids that play on our street are constantly screaming. I'm not talking yelling, laughing, etc., but high-pitched screaming. When we were young, my mom always told us not to do that because people wouldn't know if we were hurt or not. And it's true. I'm constantly having to go the window and check to see if they're okay. Not very relaxing.
At least they're playing outside, though. Hearing kids play is part of the fun of summer. Just wondering when school is starting around here.
And now I must shuffle off in my slippers to find my shawl and fix a cup of tea...
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(I'm making that part up because I like to be gross. It's an affliction.) 
