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[SIZE=2]I'm 25 and a mother of 2, ages 7 and 5. I was with their father for 6 years and finally broke away from that relationship. I moved in with my father just long enough to get on my feet. There, I met Bob (not real name). I had been dating Bob for about a month when my father said to me and him that he was ready for me to go out on my own and thought I should move in with Bob. Bob had already been trying to get me to move in with him, but seeings we'd only been together for a month, I wasn't ready for that. A week later, my dad said I had to go.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I had my mom, which is who raised me, willing to take me in, but I didn't want to have to fall back on her. She raised me and I felt I didn't have the right to do that to her. So, I moved in with Bob. Our relationship had already been through a little bit when I guy sent me an email of himself in his undies and Bob saw it (which was about 3 weeks into us knowing each other). Since then, it's been hell. At first it was mostly emotional abuse and rage, like throwing my stuff off the balcony or with-holding sex as punishment. About 7 months into our relationship is when it first got physically violent. He was fussing about the picture that had been sent to me in the beginning of our relationship and then he flipped. He pinned me on the bed and slapped me. I hit him back but was in shock and jumped up and ran to the bathroom. He followed me, stood behind me, and peed on my back (bear in mind this is very embarrassing for me to admit). I did nothing, just wanted it to end. I immediately got in the shower. When I stepped out, he was standing there with a bottle of Listerine and threw it over my face and body (and yes, it burns just like it does in your mouth). I almost left but was assured that that would never happen again, but still, that it was my fault. At first he would only slap, but it quickly moved on to punching, and not girl punching, I mean full force in the face and head.I have always hit him back but it doesn't make it any better. During this time, my mother passed away, so I no longer even have her as option to fall back on. I have no other family to count on and no where to go. I have two sisters but they can barely pay their on bills, they surely can't help or be expected to help me and two kids. My grandparents are elderly and I won't ask them to spend their retirement on helping me, it's not right. I don't have friends, Bob has completely isolated me from any interaction with the outside world. He doesn't live any type of social life and ensures that I don't also. If he leaves the house, he sets the alarm (and won't give me the code). He has the only vehicle, won't allow me to work, and has even dropped me from the car insurance so now I can't drive. I'm considering a women's shelter but I'm scared out my mind. I don't know what to expect. I am a college student and I don't want to quit school and be stuck waitressing for the rest of my life. I want my children to be successful and I just don't think I can make that happen if I'm not their role model for that.[/SIZE]
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ReadyToDoThis, you need to get out and far, far away from Bob, NOW!! I hope that you have done so already. Staying there for the sake of the children would only be detrimental to both you and your children. Like the previous posters, I would suggest going to a womens' shelter. If you can let the kids stay with their father (if it's a truly good enviornment for them and would be in the best interest for the kids), then do it. You kids know more about the abusive relationship than you realize. Kids can just pick up on certain things. They would want their mother to be ALIVE and getting back to well than to suffer for their sake and be DEAD. Getting the he** away from Bob will be the BEST thing you could do as a mother right now. In time, they will find out what happened and will be thankful to you that you got them out of there. It's only a matter of time before he starts harming your kids. He will never change, don't ever think that he will...he won't.
Worry about college and employment when you get to the shelter or wherever you decide to stay, you have more important things to worry about (like the lives of you and your children; this should be your #1 priority right now!!!).
He clearly has serious issues of his own for the fact that he has isolated you from your friends and family and severely abuses you. That's what abusers like him do. They want you to feel helpless and depend on them for everything in your life. They get satisfaction out of having complete and utter control and dominance. His issues don't have to be yours or of your children any longer.
I wish you the best on getting your life back together. Please keep us posted and let us know how you and your children are doing. Do not get discouraged by some of the less than positive posts on this thread. There are many people here that genuinely care about your well being!
p.s. Bob is lucky that he never came across me...just saying. I won't go into detail.
Oh damn ReadyToDoThis, these are the types of things that hurt my heart. Believe it or not, I've gotta real soft spot for people in your position. I feel like I just wanna go wherever you are & snatch you & your kids out of there.
Honestly, I feel worce for the children. A poster before said something about the children just wanting Mommy to be happy & healthy. They want you out of there, & they'll thank you later for it. That's 100% true. Still, children that young can see this & pick up on it really strongly. It can easily set into their minds as normal. I don't know if they're boys girls boy & girl or what, but boys can learn that that's how you're supposed to treat a woman, & girls can learn that that's how a man is supposed to treat them. That's not good! Get the hell out of there! I can't stress it enough. If you stay there any longer, you're only digging yourself deeper into a hole that's gonna be extremely hard to get out of. You're gonna get attached to that life & then you'll just become his slave with no desire to get out of it. Oh my Lord, I wish I was there with my guns & buggy whip right now. I'd hosswhip his ass up & down the street while you & the kids get out.
I hope you are reading this. These people posting here gotta lot of good stuff to say. HOO BOY, it's usually mighty tough to get to me. But stories like this get to me real bad.
Fat, you still haven`t walked in the ops shoes. You talked about your parents but this happened to your parents, not you. Ozgal is right, you don`t understand the dynamics here because you have never been in this situation before.So you can`t compare your parents to the op.
If YOU read this entire thread, everybody is encouarging her to leave. No one is coddling her like you for some reason are assuming.So I don`t know what your deal is. Your words are not helpful to anybody because you say it out of a judgmental and critical attitude.
I have read the entire thread and nobody besides myself has called her on her selfishness for not allowing the father of her children to take care of them when she clearly cannot. This isn't some situation where the father is the deadbeat. In fact, it's the opposite. The fact that she's allowed herself to get into this situation and kept her children there shows that she is an unfit mother. Just because she has a vagina doesn't mean that she the best parent for these poor children and I'm tired of society in general making that assumption.
And I don't have to walk in anyone else's shoes to give advice. I could sit here and tell you sob story after sob story about this type of abuse in my own family (not with my parents but other relatives) and who enabled the abuser but what would that prove? Does that make me more qualified than someone who hasn't gone through it? I don't think so especially when the answer is obvious to those of us who AREN'T going through it.
Sometimes the best way to get someone to wake up is to give them a swift kick in the backside (metaphoricaly, of course) but you ladies seem to think that you can nurture someone into realizing the truth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417
What about all the furniture, plasma tvs, lap tops, clothes, and everything the kids own. do you just walk away and let him have everything?
I have read the entire thread and nobody besides myself has called her on her selfishness for not allowing the father of her children to take care of them when she clearly cannot. This isn't some situation where the father is the deadbeat. In fact, it's the opposite. The fact that she's allowed herself to get into this situation and kept her children there shows that she is an unfit mother. Just because she has a vagina doesn't mean that she the best parent for these poor children and I'm tired of society in general making that assumption.
And I don't have to walk in anyone else's shoes to give advice. I could sit here and tell you sob story after sob story about this type of abuse in my own family (not with my parents but other relatives) and who enabled the abuser but what would that prove? Does that make me more qualified than someone who hasn't gone through it? I don't think so especially when the answer is obvious to those of us who AREN'T going through it.
Sometimes the best way to get someone to wake up is to give them a swift kick in the backside (metaphoricaly, of course) but you ladies seem to think that you can nurture someone into realizing the truth.
Well, it should be There is no material possession important enough to stay in an abusive relationship for. Women in her situation need to just leave - period.
well its not...im dead serious I say he should leave first....making a woman leave her own home with children is wrong....he should go and live in a shelter...if not jail first
well its not...im dead serious I say he should leave first....making a woman leave her own home with children is wrong....he should go and live in a shelter...if not jail first
You obviously have no understanding of what goes on in an abusive home. Try telling an abuser he's not "in control" and must leave and a women ends up beaten or dead.
Try to remember, we are not discussing the normal break-up of a couple.
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His issues don't have to be yours or of your children any longer. 
