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I am not trying to be rude but I have heard all of these excuses growing up. She will not leave. Period. My mother was a victim, no question. She lost that status however when she refused to remove us from the situation with same type of excuses I am hearing from the poster. Oh he never beats my children, oh he is not that bad, it only happens once in a while blah blah blah. The fact is she is already accepting of what is happening to her which is fine if that's what she wants. But she has no right to damage her children for life.
How about a different take on this situation. Even after you leave he'll go on to abuse someone else. Listen to the song "Earl" by the dixie chicks and read up on your chemistry. Use your creativity to figure out the rest. Just my 2 cents and how I would fix the problem.
Holy crow! Get ye to your nearest welfare agency asap, get an apt and food stamps. That's what this agency is for. Exposing both yourself and your kids to a physically abusive situation is both degrading and dangerous.
Continue in school and make an appointment with their counseling office. You can work your way out of this.
Actually the comments are not rude at all in this situation. Normally I would agree with you however, I have read every posted comment by everyone and in this situation the comments are very true. Which is unfortunate.
You know, all you have done is show that you do not understand the complexities of living in an abusive relationship.
Often it is not so simplistic, and is a cycle and chain of events that lead a person down this path.
To think that those comments are helpful, is just ignorant on your behalf.
.
I agree with you. Take it from someone who's been in her shoes! I don't have kids but I was abused as well.
The mental / emotional abuse sometimes is so much worse than the physical. It will drain you! I was afraid to leave for so long! I was over 2000 miles from my nearest relative and I knew a handful of people where I was living ( his home state aka his turf ) and I was scared because he is CRAZY! ( Who talks about chocking, stabbing, shooting people on a daily basis like it's normal? )
Of course I didn't know that side of his personality when I married him. ( I guess we married too quickly? Yes, I realize now where I went wrong and it won't happen again )
He tried to choke me 2 or 3 times, he pushed me and hit me in the arm before I even tried doing anything. You know why? I always made excuses for it. "Oh, maybe he is upset today..." or "I shouldn't have said that". There is no EXCUSE for abuse. NO EXCUSE whatsoever. The name calling, the constant criticism hit me so hard I felt worthless. I cried constantly ( behind his back...because whenever he saw me upset he would say "You are f'ing weak!" )
It is not your fault. That is something you have to keep in mind. You don't deserve it. HOWEVER, it is up to you to get up and leave...and if you stay things will get MUCH worse! It will never get better.
I lived at a shelter before. I had to. Don't be proud to ask anyone for help. You'd be surprised at how many resources there are for people in your situation.
I see you are trying to give yourself a million excuses as to why it is so hard to just walk out the door. Please stop. They are not going to help you. You have children and you have not only yourself to look after but them as well.
Nobody wants to leave their "house" to live at a shelter but it's either that or your sanity and your children's well being. Which one do you prefer? You need to set your priorities straight. Your kids will remember this. Believe me, they will.
I left my ex a few months ago. I drove to Canada where most of my family is and I stayed there while finishing the Spring Semester online. ( It is not impossible ). I left all my furniture behind. I only took my clothes, my uniforms ( from when I was in ), a TV I'd bought and my dog. That's all I have now. Was it easy to leave the comfort of my home? Nope. But it had to be done.
I am so much happier now. I can actually sleep at night and smile without being afraid to go home after work and get punched in the face and called a stupid b**ch.
Sometimes I feel that had I stayed, I probably wouldn't be alive right now.
[SIZE=2]I'm 25 and a mother of 2, ages 7 and 5. I was with their father for 6 years and finally broke away from that relationship. I moved in with my father just long enough to get on my feet. There, I met Bob (not real name). I had been dating Bob for about a month when my father said to me and him that he was ready for me to go out on my own and thought I should move in with Bob. Bob had already been trying to get me to move in with him, but seeings we'd only been together for a month, I wasn't ready for that. A week later, my dad said I had to go.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I had my mom, which is who raised me, willing to take me in, but I didn't want to have to fall back on her. She raised me and I felt I didn't have the right to do that to her. So, I moved in with Bob. Our relationship had already been through a little bit when I guy sent me an email of himself in his undies and Bob saw it (which was about 3 weeks into us knowing each other). Since then, it's been hell. At first it was mostly emotional abuse and rage, like throwing my stuff off the balcony or with-holding sex as punishment. About 7 months into our relationship is when it first got physically violent. He was fussing about the picture that had been sent to me in the beginning of our relationship and then he flipped. He pinned me on the bed and slapped me. I hit him back but was in shock and jumped up and ran to the bathroom. He followed me, stood behind me, and peed on my back (bear in mind this is very embarrassing for me to admit). I did nothing, just wanted it to end. I immediately got in the shower. When I stepped out, he was standing there with a bottle of Listerine and threw it over my face and body (and yes, it burns just like it does in your mouth). I almost left but was assured that that would never happen again, but still, that it was my fault. At first he would only slap, but it quickly moved on to punching, and not girl punching, I mean full force in the face and head.I have always hit him back but it doesn't make it any better. During this time, my mother passed away, so I no longer even have her as option to fall back on. I have no other family to count on and no where to go. I have two sisters but they can barely pay their on bills, they surely can't help or be expected to help me and two kids. My grandparents are elderly and I won't ask them to spend their retirement on helping me, it's not right. I don't have friends, Bob has completely isolated me from any interaction with the outside world. He doesn't live any type of social life and ensures that I don't also. If he leaves the house, he sets the alarm (and won't give me the code). He has the only vehicle, won't allow me to work, and has even dropped me from the car insurance so now I can't drive. I'm considering a women's shelter but I'm scared out my mind. I don't know what to expect. I am a college student and I don't want to quit school and be stuck waitressing for the rest of my life. I want my children to be successful and I just don't think I can make that happen if I'm not their role model for that.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
I'm sorry. Call me heartless, but I don't believe your story. You've known this guy for 3 weeks and he started with his antics. He become increasingly worse.
Everyone has given you good/great advice. You don't want it.
Maybe, it's a slow day for you. It's several people on this forum post outlandish fables.
If this story is true, if. Only you know when you would like to leave this situation. Wherever you go will not be the ideal place. There isn't a 5 star shelter. Well, I've never heard of it.
I know this, that sort of is my point. I'm always making excuses, I always have reasons why it's best for me not to go, and I need other people to hear me and tell me how stupid it is. I need the motivation. I've set my mind to leaving him a million and one times and then I always talk myself out of it, or he talks me out of it. I want to do it, but I'm scared out my mind, I feel I'll regret it or maybe not, I don't know. I have none of the answers. I need to hear from the outside world that this is crazy, I need to hear other people telling me that I can do it better without him, because it's harder than you'll ever know to just get up and walk out that door.
From everything you wrote, I think the only way you are going to leave that house is when the police takes your body to the morgue.
It is hard to leave but you are making it harder by over thinking this whole thing.
You know, all you have done is show that you do not understand the complexities of living in an abusive relationship.
Often it is not so simplistic, and is a cycle and chain of events that lead a person down this path.
To think that those comments are helpful, is just ignorant on your behalf.
Yep, I probably am and it's because I came from two parents who got the snot beat out of them over any little thing by their parents when they were children and they decided to break THAT cycle along with keeping the communication lines open between us. See, they took the bad that they saw and experienced during their childhood and LEARNED from it.
She has people who are willing to help her and she refuses to go to them. She has options for doing it on her own and she refuses to take them. Her children's dad is willing (and eager from the sounds of it) to take the children and she refuses to give them up because "they're my babies and I want them". Hell, I feel guilty for not knowing where she lives so I can call the proper authorities and get those kids out of there and with their father ASAP.
We're looking at an unfit mother here and you women are siding with her just because she is a woman too. She should be ashamed of herself for keeping her kids there and all of you who are coddling her should be ashamed of yourselves for encouraging her to do so.
Fat, you still haven`t walked in the ops shoes. You talked about your parents but this happened to your parents, not you. Ozgal is right, you don`t understand the dynamics here because you have never been in this situation before.So you can`t compare your parents to the op.
If YOU read this entire thread, everybody is encouarging her to leave. No one is coddling her like you for some reason are assuming.So I don`t know what your deal is. Your words are not helpful to anybody because you say it out of a judgmental and critical attitude.
What about all the furniture, plasma tvs, lap tops, clothes, and everything the kids own. do you just walk away and let him have everything?
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