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Lady, you cannot assume she won`t leave just because your mother didn`t. You keep comparing her with your mother. She is not your mother. She is her own individual. A lot of abused women say the same things and do end up leaving. It is all part of the mental dynamic that goes on with women who are being abused.
Every city has a woman's shelter where you will enjoy protection, support, job training, and legal counsel. If you don't love yourself enough to leave, love your children enough to do it.
[SIZE=2]I'm 25 and a mother of 2, ages 7 and 5. I was with their father for 6 years and finally broke away from that relationship. I moved in with my father just long enough to get on my feet. There, I met Bob (not real name). I had been dating Bob for about a month when my father said to me and him that he was ready for me to go out on my own and thought I should move in with Bob. Bob had already been trying to get me to move in with him, but seeings we'd only been together for a month, I wasn't ready for that. A week later, my dad said I had to go.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I had my mom, which is who raised me, willing to take me in, but I didn't want to have to fall back on her. She raised me and I felt I didn't have the right to do that to her. So, I moved in with Bob. Our relationship had already been through a little bit when I guy sent me an email of himself in his undies and Bob saw it (which was about 3 weeks into us knowing each other). Since then, it's been hell. At first it was mostly emotional abuse and rage, like throwing my stuff off the balcony or with-holding sex as punishment. About 7 months into our relationship is when it first got physically violent. He was fussing about the picture that had been sent to me in the beginning of our relationship and then he flipped. He pinned me on the bed and slapped me. I hit him back but was in shock and jumped up and ran to the bathroom. He followed me, stood behind me, and peed on my back (bear in mind this is very embarrassing for me to admit). I did nothing, just wanted it to end. I immediately got in the shower. When I stepped out, he was standing there with a bottle of Listerine and threw it over my face and body (and yes, it burns just like it does in your mouth). I almost left but was assured that that would never happen again, but still, that it was my fault. At first he would only slap, but it quickly moved on to punching, and not girl punching, I mean full force in the face and head.I have always hit him back but it doesn't make it any better. During this time, my mother passed away, so I no longer even have her as option to fall back on. I have no other family to count on and no where to go. I have two sisters but they can barely pay their on bills, they surely can't help or be expected to help me and two kids. My grandparents are elderly and I won't ask them to spend their retirement on helping me, it's not right. I don't have friends, Bob has completely isolated me from any interaction with the outside world. He doesn't live any type of social life and ensures that I don't also. If he leaves the house, he sets the alarm (and won't give me the code). He has the only vehicle, won't allow me to work, and has even dropped me from the car insurance so now I can't drive. I'm considering a women's shelter but I'm scared out my mind. I don't know what to expect. I am a college student and I don't want to quit school and be stuck waitressing for the rest of my life. I want my children to be successful and I just don't think I can make that happen if I'm not their role model for that.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
Get out..Living in a shelter is better than giving some no good man power over you..Let me tell you something some years ago I was homeless too...I decided to go to a shelter..I wasnt abused but lost my job...living with family members wasnt cutting it..I have 6 kids...I went to school fulltime while working fulltime..I now have my degree in computer engineering have a great job with IBM...pay my own bills have a boyfriend who loves me and my kids...Its your choice you can stay with him and never have nothing..or go no where in life...or leave him and be on your way to a better healthier and happier life..
You should be more scared of living with him, then scared of living in a shelter???
Your kids will be better off too..My son is in college, and my daughter just finished college...Teach your kids something good
She should be ashamed of herself for keeping her kids there and all of you who are coddling her should be ashamed of yourselves for encouraging her to do so
It may be the first time shes ever had someone say those words, harsh in my opinion. When you've been raised in dysfunction, married to dysfunction ...encouraged to remain in dysfunction, isolated with no supportive relationships you can expect the barometer to be a bit out of kilter too.
Yep, I probably am and it's because I came from two parents who got the snot beat out of them over any little thing by their parents when they were children and they decided to break THAT cycle along with keeping the communication lines open between us. See, they took the bad that they saw and experienced during their childhood and LEARNED from it.
She has people who are willing to help her and she refuses to go to them. She has options for doing it on her own and she refuses to take them. Her children's dad is willing (and eager from the sounds of it) to take the children and she refuses to give them up because "they're my babies and I want them". Hell, I feel guilty for not knowing where she lives so I can call the proper authorities and get those kids out of there and with their father ASAP.
We're looking at an unfit mother here and you women are siding with her just because she is a woman too. She should be ashamed of herself for keeping her kids there and all of you who are coddling her should be ashamed of yourselves for encouraging her to do so.
who has told her to do that?
Everyone has said to get out and get the kids out, and have encouraged her if she cant do it for herself to do it for her kids.
Well done for your parents.
Not everyone responds to situations the same and not every situation IS the same.
personally, I couldn't imagine being in a situation like this, and having no family to turn to. ... Telling someone they are a selfish mother is just unhelpful.
Call me stupid, but why ponder what you should do on a message board? It's obvious.
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