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I understood what you meant. Some people simply are not the right fit, even if they do love each other. Love alone isn't enough to make a marriage work.
Me and my fiance recently broke up after nearly 7 years together. We were planning on getting married early next spring. I can absolutely empathize with what the OP is going through right now.... I do love him. A lot. But we both realized that we're on completely different planes and it just wasn't working. Our families and friends were very disappointed (and very vocal about it) but it's our lives, not theirs.
read the posts. she is guna hate you either way. if you marry the wrong person, she will hate you for it, if you bail, she will hate you, either way your name is mud. now that i am old i regret 1 thing, i did not listen to my instincts until i was old. i listened to what others thought i should do, big mistake.
I'm wondering about that. If she's not American and doesn't have citizenship, that might account for a lot of the desperation to get married and the child care center in Sharpie's basement. Could be that she needs the marriage for permanent residency. (Hence why I'd never consider marrying a non-U.S. resident.)
This is a train wreck waiting to happen. I think we all know by now that he's going to go ahead with the marriage. How long he'll stay in it is anyone's guess, but I'm guessing less than a year.
it seems like the option with the least amount of immediate pain :-( I fully know and understand that it may not be the ideal thing to do given the circumstances, but i feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. -Sharpie
Wow, it took me 2 sittings to read every single response.
Firstly, I'd really like to say that I've noticed that you are a really nice and caring person.
If you weren't such a nice guy you would've kicked this woman out of your home and life by now.
You know that you don't belong together - I won't bother to quote your posts to back up my conclusions.
I will say some things though - she sounds abusive and she doesn't love you.
I know what love is, I love my husband for example - if we were still engaged and he kept approaching me with fears and doubts about the wedding I'd NEVER attempt to minimise or dismiss his feelings. Or even worse, put pressure on him to go through with it anyway.
In fact, he would only have to express doubts once and I'd let him off the hook immediately.
Because I LOVE him properly, and want him to be happy in life, even if it's not with me.
True love isn't selfish.
I also think her waking you up to yell at you for snoring is outrageous. Seriously, who does that?
She's supposed to love you.
I think you're right to have doubts about your future happiness based on this. Abuse always escalates.
You sound like a really great catch from a financial standpoint, you're also very nice (but kind of a doormat, sorry). I think you can do better and you know you can too.
Quote:
the "pretty/younger" statement may have been stated poorly, or taken out of context a bit. Right or wrong, it's a feeling that i have. a feeling that there's something better out there, and that i shouldn't be 'satisfied' with something i currently have, given the flaws and issues i'm having with it. come to think of it, it's not right or wrong....it's wrong.
Pfffttt, there's nothing WRONG with these honest thoughts of yours.
This is your life partner you're considering - you SHOULD be discerning and very very careful.
This relationship is doomed to fail - find someone to back you up - not necessarily your parents (they are letting you squirm too much) and cut the ties NOW you have got too much to lose.
Any choice the OP makes has the potential to cause pain. #1 shouldn't be an option at all, calling off the wedding and going to counseling is a waste of their time. I don't care how much counseling they get after that point the damage is done, its over.
So, the options should have been to end it and be completely done or move move forward with the wedding, as long as he follows thru with his prenup and counseling they have a chance and hes protected himself financially.
No matter how you chose to look at it, there could be regrets, but where I see the biggest potential for regret, would be ending it at this very moment calling off a wedding, without ever having counseling with the maybe and what if lingering in his mind eternally. I can only wish him well in his choice.
Any choice the OP makes has the potential to cause pain. #1 shouldn't be an option at all, calling off the wedding and going to counseling is a waste of their time. I don't care how much counseling they get after that point the damage is done, its over.
So, the options should have been to end it and be completely done or move move forward with the wedding, as long as he follows thru with his prenup and counseling they have a chance and hes protected himself financially.
No matter how you chose to look at it, there could be regrets, but where I see the biggest potential for regret, would be ending it at this very moment calling off a wedding, without ever having counseling with the maybe and what if lingering in his mind eternally. I can only wish him well in his choice.
I know one thing - I don't wanna be that bride! Can't believe she does...
I know one thing - I don't wanna be that bride! Can't believe she does...
Its a mutual deserving of each other in my opinion, but who am I to make judgments.
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Only these parents can't speak English, the rest of the world is catching up 
