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Today, I went to see someone. A therapist who is very experienced and it was a very interesting and different experience.
i had a hour and half session with her and talking to her confirmed a lot of the thoughts i had in my head as well as help me sort out some other thoughts.
Talking to her made me realize that i do love her and that i care about her much more deeply that i had thought. I know this was only the first session and that therapy is a long process if it's to be a success...but i tried to be as open as possible.
I confirmed my thinking that i am as much part of the problem as she is and that it will take time and work to make us better. She said that based on what i told her, we have a good foundation and that we need to learn to communicate better and make each other happy through better understanding of each others' needs and boundaries.
She suggested counseling for both of us. (she's not a private therapist......so she doesn't get rich by us going to her. long story, but trust me on this one)
So, i have made the decision to talk to my fiance and proceed with our date. I am now excited and not seeing her for a day and half has made me miss her SO much. I'm meeting with her in about an hour to talk and tell her how i feel.
I would like to sign a pre-nup and protect my assets at least in the short term because i want to make sure the changes are going to happen and that we (i) am protected if things don't work out as well as we both hope. i plan on having the pre-nup for only 6 months and if i see that therapy has helped us be better, i will take that boundary out from between us and get rid of it. we talked about this at some point and i know that she will do it, even though i know it won't feel good (for her or for me) to do this. but i feel like, given the circumstances, it's the wise thing to do.
as one of my other requests, i'm going to ask her for us to both meet with the counselor which shouldn't be a problem since she was the one who was eager to do that in the first place.
thank you everyone for helping me through this. i know many of you will not be happy or satisfied with the decision i made and i can fully understand that. I just think that i care too much about her to let her slip through my fingers. i do love her.
Thank you again,
K.
I just caught the first post and the tail end of this thread, but I honestly have to say that if I were your fiance, I wouldn't want to go through with the wedding. Why?
You are going into it with an escape plan... temporary pre-nup brought up 1-2 weeks before the wedding sounds like emotional blackmail, where you are not 100% invested in this marriage.
If your financial assets were so significant, the pre-nup wouldn't be a last minute thing, but long ago discussed. Bringing it up now is bad form and shows that you don't really trust her or believe in the success of this union.
You're listening to champions here, half of whom are sitting on failed marriages themselves
Of course, when it comes to advice giving, there is no shortage of volunteers, good samaritons and cheerleaders LMAO.
And for Pete's sake, therapists suck money out of you in the long run. It's better put in an upscale restaurant
I wouldn't mock those with "failed marriages", theirs is at least the voice of experience, unlike some of you who have never made it to the alter at all!
I think Urban Sasquatch pretty much nailed it on this topic.
How so, he pretty much told him to call it off, while several others here recommended he take a moment to think it through and perhaps discuss with a counselor or therapist.
How so, he pretty much told him to call it off, while several others here recommended he take a moment to think it through and perhaps discuss with a counselor or therapist.
Urban DID nail it. Calling this fiasco off is sharpies best option at this point.
Any relationship that can't even make it to marriage without the need of a therapist and some counseling is in too much trouble to go thru with a wedding.
Urban DID nail it. Calling this fiasco off is sharpies best option at this point.
Any relationship that can't even make it to marriage without the need of a therapist and some counseling is in too much trouble to go thru with a wedding.
Of course, because you know what's better for them than the therapist.
It sounds like there is definitely a lot of love between you, it's just that the "bad stuff" kind of took over and made you have doubts. Hopefully the sessions with the therapist will help both of you.
Best of luck to you.
Any guy who pulls out of a wedding at the 11th hour is a spineless, effeminate little sissy
One, it's the maximum damage done to a girl. Two, that's the benchmark of a man's life lived in the most unmanly way. What is a man worth if he can't even make a freaking decision and can't stick to it
If it dawns that she is "not" the one, why even buy her an engagement ring.
Any guy who pulls out of a wedding at the 11th hour is a spineless, effeminate little sissy
One, it's the maximum damage done to a girl. Two, that's the benchmark of a man's life lived in the most unmanly way. What is a man worth if he can't even make a freaking decision and can't stick to it
If it dawns that she is "not" the one, why even buy her an engagement ring.
Agee he should have never let it get this far, BUT better late than never.
At least he realizes now that he does not love her the way you should love someone in order to be able to spend the rest of your life with them.
I will ask you, and others with your opinion, what exactly SHOULD he do - go thru with it just so he can be a "man" and stick to his engagement committment?? I say bullsh*t on that. Not saying he should get off scot-free - what he has done is very serious, and I for one hope he learns some big lessons going forward. But marrying now will only complicate things in the long run.
Of course, because you know what's better for them than the therapist.
Why do some of you people insist on encouraging this young man to force round pegs into square holes?
It doesn't take an expert to see that any relationshiop in this much trouble BEFORE the wedding just might not be a relationship with very good odds for success.
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