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I know one thing - I don't wanna be that bride! Can't believe she does...
Me neither. How happy is your big day going to be when you know that your groom doesn't really want to get married? Of course, I suppose some women could be capable of that if they were self-serving enough (or had little self-esteem).
Today, I went to see someone. A therapist who is very experienced and it was a very interesting and different experience.
i had a hour and half session with her and talking to her confirmed a lot of the thoughts i had in my head as well as help me sort out some other thoughts.
Talking to her made me realize that i do love her and that i care about her much more deeply that i had thought. I know this was only the first session and that therapy is a long process if it's to be a success...but i tried to be as open as possible.
I confirmed my thinking that i am as much part of the problem as she is and that it will take time and work to make us better. She said that based on what i told her, we have a good foundation and that we need to learn to communicate better and make each other happy through better understanding of each others' needs and boundaries.
She suggested counseling for both of us. (she's not a private therapist......so she doesn't get rich by us going to her. long story, but trust me on this one)
So, i have made the decision to talk to my fiance and proceed with our date. I am now excited and not seeing her for a day and half has made me miss her SO much. I'm meeting with her in about an hour to talk and tell her how i feel.
I would like to sign a pre-nup and protect my assets at least in the short term because i want to make sure the changes are going to happen and that we (i) am protected if things don't work out as well as we both hope. i plan on having the pre-nup for only 6 months and if i see that therapy has helped us be better, i will take that boundary out from between us and get rid of it. we talked about this at some point and i know that she will do it, even though i know it won't feel good (for her or for me) to do this. but i feel like, given the circumstances, it's the wise thing to do.
as one of my other requests, i'm going to ask her for us to both meet with the counselor which shouldn't be a problem since she was the one who was eager to do that in the first place.
thank you everyone for helping me through this. i know many of you will not be happy or satisfied with the decision i made and i can fully understand that. I just think that i care too much about her to let her slip through my fingers. i do love her.
Some people will tell you "cold feet" -- and they could be right.
Others will tell you to listen to your instincts -- and they could be right, too.
It's part of human nature to begin a process like engagement and preparations for marriage and to stick to our gunsmerely because we've MADE A DECISION AND FEEL WE MUST SEE IT THROUGH.
However, marriage is NOT a decision to be made lightly and for all that people spend a long time together and decide they've "worked things out, should go ahead and get married" -- it changes something psychologically because it's EASIER to walk before you say "I do"; so much more difficult to walk afterward.
If you're having these kinds of misgivings then PUT THE BRAKES ON, and either delay the wedding OR call it off. If she's the right one you can talk to her about this and you'll see it through together; if you try to talk to her about this and it blows up in your face -- better to blow up NOW than AFTER wedding bells, and you have your answer.
Hint: If people chide and reassure you by saying "Everyone gets cold feet" -- ignore THOSE people in lieu of those who actually appear concerned and want to figure out what the problem is. The "cold feet" crowd are a bunch of folks who stick their fingers in their ears and say "la la la la la".
You cite a conflict of personality and say you're realizing you'll be miserable with this person -- and that's not something to take lightly, certainly nothing to discount out of hand.
Embarrassing or not, inconvenient or not, you're MUCH better off calling a halt now than attempting to later.
Good luck.
I think Urban Sasquatch pretty much nailed it on this topic.
I also think that the wedding should be canceled or postponed. I've been to some pretty bad counselors before. One suggested that I "save" my marriage by having a baby and quitting my job. This was when i was married to a drug addict who couldn't work. Sage advice, no?
I doubt that this counselor is very experienced. Or, perhaps she/he's just very pro-marriage. I have no background in psychology, but it doesn't take a Ph.D. to give a logical response to this problem. FAIL predicted.
Today, I went to see someone. A therapist who is very experienced and it was a very interesting and different experience.
i had a hour and half session with her and talking to her confirmed a lot of the thoughts i had in my head as well as help me sort out some other thoughts.
Talking to her made me realize that i do love her and that i care about her much more deeply that i had thought. I know this was only the first session and that therapy is a long process if it's to be a success...but i tried to be as open as possible.
I confirmed my thinking that i am as much part of the problem as she is and that it will take time and work to make us better. She said that based on what i told her, we have a good foundation and that we need to learn to communicate better and make each other happy through better understanding of each others' needs and boundaries.
She suggested counseling for both of us. (she's not a private therapist......so she doesn't get rich by us going to her. long story, but trust me on this one)
So, i have made the decision to talk to my fiance and proceed with our date. I am now excited and not seeing her for a day and half has made me miss her SO much. I'm meeting with her in about an hour to talk and tell her how i feel.
I would like to sign a pre-nup and protect my assets at least in the short term because i want to make sure the changes are going to happen and that we (i) am protected if things don't work out as well as we both hope. i plan on having the pre-nup for only 6 months and if i see that therapy has helped us be better, i will take that boundary out from between us and get rid of it. we talked about this at some point and i know that she will do it, even though i know it won't feel good (for her or for me) to do this. but i feel like, given the circumstances, it's the wise thing to do.
as one of my other requests, i'm going to ask her for us to both meet with the counselor which shouldn't be a problem since she was the one who was eager to do that in the first place.
thank you everyone for helping me through this. i know many of you will not be happy or satisfied with the decision i made and i can fully understand that. I just think that i care too much about her to let her slip through my fingers. i do love her.
Thank you again,
K.
Dude, marry her.
You're listening to champions here, half of whom are sitting on failed marriages themselves
Of course, when it comes to advice giving, there is no shortage of volunteers, good samaritons and cheerleaders LMAO.
And for Pete's sake, therapists suck money out of you in the long run. It's better put in an upscale restaurant
Today, I went to see someone. A therapist who is very experienced and it was a very interesting and different experience.
i had a hour and half session with her and talking to her confirmed a lot of the thoughts i had in my head as well as help me sort out some other thoughts.
Talking to her made me realize that i do love her and that i care about her much more deeply that i had thought. I know this was only the first session and that therapy is a long process if it's to be a success...but i tried to be as open as possible.
I confirmed my thinking that i am as much part of the problem as she is and that it will take time and work to make us better. She said that based on what i told her, we have a good foundation and that we need to learn to communicate better and make each other happy through better understanding of each others' needs and boundaries.
She suggested counseling for both of us. (she's not a private therapist......so she doesn't get rich by us going to her. long story, but trust me on this one)
So, i have made the decision to talk to my fiance and proceed with our date. I am now excited and not seeing her for a day and half has made me miss her SO much. I'm meeting with her in about an hour to talk and tell her how i feel.
I would like to sign a pre-nup and protect my assets at least in the short term because i want to make sure the changes are going to happen and that we (i) am protected if things don't work out as well as we both hope. i plan on having the pre-nup for only 6 months and if i see that therapy has helped us be better, i will take that boundary out from between us and get rid of it. we talked about this at some point and i know that she will do it, even though i know it won't feel good (for her or for me) to do this. but i feel like, given the circumstances, it's the wise thing to do.
as one of my other requests, i'm going to ask her for us to both meet with the counselor which shouldn't be a problem since she was the one who was eager to do that in the first place.
thank you everyone for helping me through this. i know many of you will not be happy or satisfied with the decision i made and i can fully understand that. I just think that i care too much about her to let her slip through my fingers. i do love her.
Thank you again,
K.
It sounds like there is definitely a lot of love between you, it's just that the "bad stuff" kind of took over and made you have doubts. Hopefully the sessions with the therapist will help both of you.
Best of luck to you.
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You're seriously tempting fate by marrying before a fundamental issue gets resolved, but I hope it works in your favor.
