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No one should ever have to feel that way, and I hope that if there are teenage girls reading these boards, they are learning from people like you, Moose, and Julia, not the abrasive knuckleheads who, from the way they express themselves here, are clearly no prizes themselves.
To me one of the most depressing thing about our modern society is that our obsession with being slim is NOT about being healthy but about being physically perfect.
I do think we should encourage kids and adults alike to be healthier. That is only logical. But to mock and tease them for being fat ( read: ugly/undesirable) is not only cruel and nasty it is completely counter-productive.
People who are over-weight need to lose wieght for themselves and primarily for the right reasons, because it puts more pressure on your body. We also need to be a little more realistic and realise that not all human beings are meant to be a size zero. That there is a difference between being a little curvy and being obese.
We are a vapid, shallow society, and are creating vapid and shallow people and at the other end of the spectrum people who because they cannot for whatever reasons achieve the standards of Hollywood perfection which has become an ideal, people with eating disorders and dismorphia. Exactly how healthy is this ?
I am all for health, good nutrition and exercise , these are positive things. I am however against judging people purely on their appearance. We have more to offer to the world than whether we are deemed to be "hot" or not.
Let us promote health by all means, anything else would be silly. But for goodness sake let us stop abusing other human beings because of their shape, the size of their nose, how much hair they have , etc...
Of course all human beings react to people's appearance, this is a perfectly natural part of human nature but we have I believe taught ourselves to narrow our criteria in the last decades so that only a tiny proportion of humanity can ever pass the test . We are enforcing such rigid rules that women over the age of 40 are considered over the hill and encouraging humans to go under the knife simply to satisfy our modern ideal of beauty and perfection.
Plastic surgery is superficiality gone mad. I have had enough surgical procedures to last me a life-time for medical reasons and I actually find it almost offensive that a perfectly healthy human being would actually have a surgical procedures simply to enhance their breasts of make their lips plumper. Unless you have been disfigured to me this is vanity taken to the point of madness. Sorry if this offends some people but there is no way some surgeon is getting near me unless I actually need it for my own health.
Have we gone completely and utterly insane that it is becoming the norm ?
Am the only person who thinks this trend is damaging to our own specie. I have even seen 16 year old having boob jobs. 16 year olds !
We have beauty pageants for children ( and dogs/cats/rats/guinea pigsetc... , let us completely go nuts and anthropomorphise our animals as well)and seem utterly removied from logic, sanity and reason.
Human beings come in all shapes, sizes, colours and I like that. It makes life a lot more interesting. The idea of this "identikit" human we are trying to promote through the fashion and film industry is not healthy, not right and is hurting us all. I don't want to look or be a Barbie doll. Nobody should want that. How plastic and incredibly boring.
I used to be super-fit and super healthy. It was great and I loved it. Not because I was "hot" but because I was more mobile, more physically active and healthier. I am no longer all these things and I miss them. For myself.
I want to get slimmer again. For ME. Not for hubby, not for the rest of the world. For ME.
Not because some narrow minded moron is going to point and go "eeewe gross a big woman". I think it is an excellent way to weed people out your personal life actually. Observe how they judge and treat other human beings.
I used to be super-fit and super healthy. It was great and I loved it. Not because I was "hot" but because I was more mobile, more physically active and healthier. I am no longer all these things and I miss them. For myself.
I want to get slimmer again. For ME. Not for hubby, not for the rest of the world. For ME.
Not because some narrow minded moron is going to point and go "eeewe gross a big woman". I think it is an excellent way to weed people out your personal life actually. Observe how they judge and treat other human beings.
Ms. Mooseketeer, I'm out of reps for you, but if I could give you 100, I would.
I agree that we should be encouraging people to live healthier lifestyles instead of making it about appearance. The problem is that some people will still think you're criticizing their looks. Suppose one Saturday, you suggest to your wife that you cook together at home instead of going out to eat like you usually do. Or maybe after dinner, you suggest that she skip American Idol and join you on a bike ride. But she infers that you're just saying that cause you want her to lose weight. So now what? Is everything you say going to be viewed through that prism? We've been so conditioned to associate weight with attractiveness that we no longer believe people who say it's about health. Tell someone you're going to the gym cause you want to be healthier and they'll assume you're really doing it just cause you want to look better. In their minds, a person couldn't possibly want to eat right and exercise unless they were trying to lose weight.
We can criticize our culture for all the messages it sends about how to look, but the people who cave into that pressure need to take some responsibility for their actions. If you starved yourself thin or got breast implants, don't just blame society. Blame yourself. You're the one who decided to do those things. You're the one who let people convince you that how you look is a measure of your worth. And if you're someone who's tired of being judged for your appearance, keep in mind why people judge you. It isn't just because of cultural influences. It's because our brains have evolved to look for signs of health. So if we find someone attractive, that's our brain telling us that they're probably healthy. That's not to say every thin person is healthy and that every fat person isn't. But more often than not, it's the case. And don't buy into this idea that being disappointed in yourself because you gained a lot of weight means you're mentally unhealthy. It's perfectly normal to be disappointed in yourself over your failures. What matters is whether you learn from those failures.
To me one of the most depressing thing about our modern society is that our obsession with being slim is NOT about being healthy but about being physically perfect.
Bravo. Well said. This is what I always tell people here who are asking for advice on losing weight. They should pay no attention to the scale, or trying to fit into some flawed ideal of what some insurance company says is "healthy" (BMI) because I believe that anyone trying to concentrate on fitting into what BMI says they "should" be is the same as a woman working out because some MAN or some TV show TELLS them that is what they should be. HEALTHY eating and performance based exercise where you working on your FITNESS is what people should be doing. We should concentrate on how we FEEL not what the scale says. People should track their workouts and try to improve their fitness/health each time out. Run 3 miles one day, try to run 4 miles the next day or better yet - run those same 3 miles FASTER.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer
Am the only person who thinks this trend is damaging to our own specie. I have even seen 16 year old having boob jobs. 16 year olds !
This is terrible. It really saddens me that parents and even doctors would be okay with this. I blame the parents for this, not the "media" or anything/anyone else. Its the parents fault for not instill proper ideals to their child. Sure some blame can also be on the idiot child for this, but you cant totally blame them because the parents didnt do their job when the teen was in her formative years. So, I guess, blame the parents first, the daughter second, and the doctor third.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer
I used to be super-fit and super healthy. It was great and I loved it. Not because I was "hot" but because I was more mobile, more physically active and healthier. I am no longer all these things and I miss them. For myself.
I want to get slimmer again. For ME. Not for hubby, not for the rest of the world. For ME.
Again, very well said. I also believe that a person should do it for themselves and not try to follow some standard or what they see in books, movies, magazines etc. But I also add that if the person has children, THEY SHOULD ABSOLUTELY CONSIDER THEIR CHILDREN AS WELL. They owe it not only to themselves, but I believe even moreso they owe it to their children to not only teach them about being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle, but MOST IMPORTANTLY parents need to take care of themselves so that they can live long enough to be there for their children to help them grow up. I think that if someone is morbidly obese and a parent, they have a responsibility to themselves and their children to make every effort to get healthy. I underline HEALTHY because that is what is important. Not going on some stupid HCG diet just to lose pounds. As you said above that I am in total agreement with - people should concentrate on being HEALTHY!! Not skinny or barbiedoll like.
Oh, I add that me personally (and my wife as well), we DO take into consideration what the spouse says and wants. We believe that once you get married, you DO have a certain obligation to your spouse to do what makes them happy. This is why I no longer go base jumping or bungee jumping. Not letting myself get fat is the same thing. Wont do it.
How about the other way around...my wife just told me recently that she's not very attracted to me anymore b/c I have lost too much weight. I was 5'8" and 155 lbs. when we first met, but now I'm 140 pounds. I have not been trying to lose weight, it is due to extreme stress. When I'm very stressed out, I have no appetite & just can't eat. I realize that I'm maybe beginning to get too thin, but there's not much I can do about it right now.
This is an interesting question. Many of the comments on this thread could lead me to believe that:
You should take responsibility for being too thin and do something about it, because losing weight is something you're doing deliberately
If your wife doesn't find you attractive, that's her prerogative, and deliberately making yourself unattractive to her is selfish and unloving
If worrying makes you lose your appetite, and worrying about being too thin makes it worse, too bad--eat up!
None of those statements seem to make a lot of sense, though. You don't hear many people complaining that their spouses are underweight. Some guy was bragging that his wife is 98 pounds! I literally have not weighed that since I was in elementary school. I just can't picture a healthy adult woman who is that thin unless she is about five feet tall.
Anyway, are you doing something to help alleviate the stress? Is there an end in sight?
My best friend weighed 117 the day she got married. She goes between 85 and 90lbs now. Her husband left her. You know how many people told her she should gain weight, if she wanted to keep her husband? Yep... none.
A couple years ago, we arranged to meet while I was in town at my mother in laws. I started in on her right away. (I was instantly suspicious when she arrived in the 90 degree heat, wearing a tee, a flannel shirt, a wool blazer, her new hairstyle of falling forward in her face and avoiding allowing me to hug her) My MIL told me that it was mean and cruel - the same MIL that makes comments and "suggestions" about MY weight all the time. Cruel to say something to a size 0, but not to a 24?
She's had a stroke, she has a hole in her heart and countless other problems. As I've told her, my weight will take 40 years to kill me. Her anorexia is working quicker - but because she's so small, no one criticizes her. Vapid and shallow people abound in our society who like to hide behind phrases like "healthy".
BTW - dh met me overweight. Loves me, desires me. Has put on more weight since we met than I have. Still love him, still desire him. Still buy his favorite soda and potato chips and harp on him about eating SOME vegetables. Marriage isn't about size. At least, a happy one isn't.
Vapid and shallow people abound in our society who like to hide behind phrases like "healthy".
Which unfortunately has given healthy a bad name. Now if you tell people you're eating better and exercising for the sake of your health, they're more likely to assume you're doing it just to change your looks. Or if you express concern for their health, they'll think it's just code for "you need to lose weight."
My best friend weighed 117 the day she got married. She goes between 85 and 90lbs now. Her husband left her. You know how many people told her she should gain weight, if she wanted to keep her husband? Yep... none.
For Pete's sake?! Have you ever considered she's not doing that deliberately? As hard of a concept as that would be?
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I also believe that a person should do it for themselves and not try to follow some standard or what they see in books, movies, magazines etc. But I also add that if the person has children, THEY SHOULD ABSOLUTELY CONSIDER THEIR CHILDREN AS WELL. They owe it not only to themselves, but I believe even moreso they owe it to their children to not only teach them about being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle, but MOST IMPORTANTLY parents need to take care of themselves so that they can live long enough to be there for their children to help them grow up. I think that if someone is morbidly obese and a parent, they have a responsibility to themselves and their children to make every effort to get healthy. I underline HEALTHY because that is what is important. Not going on some stupid HCG diet just to lose pounds. As you said above that I am in total agreement with - people should concentrate on being HEALTHY!! Not skinny or barbiedoll like. 
Have you ever considered she's not doing that deliberately? As hard of a concept as that would be?