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I have been in a lot of relationships in my 41 years of struggle and every time I am in one I always give 100% without asking for anything in return. I have always thought when the time is right and when both side are ready , things will happen but you can never force someone to have sex of all things. You need to be with someone who understands you and respect you for who you are and not try to change and make you the kind of girl he wants you to be and vise versa. I think you have given him a lot of chances and doesnt look like it will work. If I were you , I would move on , there are a lot of guys out there , good ones. You deserve more but as always the final decision is yours. The best of luck.
I know this is sort of long, but I really need help from you guys. Thanks for reading in advance.
I've been seeing this guy since August 2010 and we've been in a relationship officially for a month. I couldn't address a right term to the "relationship" we had for the past few months though. We started "dating" each other in August, we did all the initimate things except for sex (which means we did everything except for intercourse). However, after we've been dating for a month, he brought over his girlfriend and his girlfriend started to throw questions at me (before that I thought he was single). So I talked to him saying that we should stop seeing each other, he didn't agree on that and neither I could let go. Then we ended up spending time with each other again. The fact that he was in a relationship put me through lots of stress in the past few months. To me, I see it as an ethical issue, I won't allow myself to date someone who is already in a relationship and neither can I accept to be his friend with benefits. Then I told him he has to be at least single to talk to me. One important thing to note is that he is a sexual being whereas I am a virgin. He likes intimacy VERY MUCH and I am not ready to have sex yet.
So anyways, at the beginning of December, he broke up with his girlfriend then asked me to be his girlfriend officially. I decided to give it a shot. He was pressuring me for sex and when I told him I am not ready to have sex with him, he thinks it's my responsibility to FIND HIM SOMEONE THAT HE CAN HAS SEX WITH. But with all the things happened in the past, they are all stuck in my mind. The fact that he can't be committed/monogamous (which is dating ONLY ONE PERSON from my perspective) hurts me a lot. I don't feel that I can accept him as a person. So I broke up with him after TWO WEEKS. After I broke up with him, we were still spending time together trying to figure things out, we still did some intimate things such as making out ( I am quite conservative, the fact that he was making out with me made me assume that we are back in a relationship again). However, I figured out that he claimed to two of his exgirlfriends that he is single. It hurt me a lot b/c I already assumed we were back in a relationship since we made out. Also, he had sex with a girl right away after two days of our break up.
So here is our problem, I don't think I will be ready to have sex with him soon. And I don't think that he will be able to wait. I talked to him about it, I wanted him to wait half a year (which is till I finish my undergrad). He said he will try to do his best (but deep down both of us know that he can't wait since he is really really into intimacy). I asked him if he can promise me that he does NOT make out/have sex with anyone else except for me. He couldn't make such a promise. (No one knows about the future, that's his words.) So The current situation is I broke up with him yesterday because he couldn't make such a promise and I know I am not okay with the fact that he can't be monogamous. Last night he came over to my place and we were trying to figure out a solution to our relationship. (So far I believe he sees himself as single).
FYI, he is 30 and I am 23.
Do you guys think that I should give him one more chance trying to work things out?
i think in this case the age difference might matter. anyway... we talk on here about how long girls should wait, how many dates, etc... honestly if i was head over heals in love and i mean you were my dream girl i would DEFINITELY wait 6 months. also you make it sound like you are doing "other things" with/for him. i asume you mean oral? if he loves you he will wait 6 months. but if i were you i'd ditch the prick in a heart beat.
So he said he will leave me alone for a week. Argh! I hate myself!!! Worst of all,I miss him every day and I already feel like talking to him. Even thouh so far I am not initiating any contact. I don't know why I am still being hopeful. I am so scared that he will just meet a new girl this week
So he said he will leave me alone for a week. Argh! I hate myself!!! Worst of all,I miss him every day and I already feel like talking to him. Even thouh so far I am not initiating any contact. I don't know why I am still being hopeful. I am so scared that he will just meet a new girl this week
Why in the damn world would you want such a piece of shi*t?!
He saw this thread too, then he was like "I dont care about the comments. It depends on how you write things. If I write the stuff in my own way, I can get people to tell me to dump you as well."
I won't allow myself to date someone who is already in a relationship and neither can I accept to be his friend with benefits.
Yes you will and did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass
He likes intimacy VERY MUCH and I am not ready to have sex yet.
Sexual things people do together is not always intimacy. What you have with him is not intimacy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass
So anyways, at the beginning of December, he broke up with his girlfriend then asked me to be his girlfriend officially.
I'm extremely surprised by that. Do you have any proof of the bolded part?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass
He was pressuring me for sex and when I told him I am not ready to have sex with him, he thinks it's my responsibility to FIND HIM SOMEONE THAT HE CAN HAS SEX WITH.
Damn this dude has balls. That's pretty bad.. and embarrassing that you didn't tell him to f*ck off immediately after hearing that...He has no respect for you and you allow it over and over again. :/
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass
The fact that he can't be committed/monogamous (which is dating ONLY ONE PERSON from my perspective) hurts me a lot.
But yet you allow it so..? why would he change? Or why would your situation change?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass
So I broke up with him after TWO WEEKS. After I broke up with him, we were still spending time together t... intimate things such as making out ( I am quite conservative, the fact that he was making out with me made me assume that we are back in a relationship again).
oh no.. I'm afraid you're beyond help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass
Do you guys think that I should give him one more chance trying to work things out?
Even if you were ready to have sex tomorrow, it wouldn't turn him into a committed monogamous boyfriend.
Bottom line, it's not about the sex, or you being a virgin - the two of you just have very different desires, and if you want a committed monogamous relationship he's the wrong guy for you.
That's the shorter, more direct version of my post.
hahaha you made me laugh and meanwhile you made me feel shamed. Yeah I've done enough mistakes and NO! I won't give him a second chance! I will come back here whenever I feel like talking to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatsong64
Yes you will and did.
Sexual things people do together is not always intimacy. What you have with him is not intimacy.
I'm extremely surprised by that. Do you have any proof of the bolded part?
Damn this dude has balls. That's pretty bad.. and embarrassing that you didn't tell him to f*ck off immediately after hearing that...He has no respect for you and you allow it over and over again. :/
But yet you allow it so..? why would he change? Or why would your situation change?
hahaha you made me laugh and meanwhile you made me feel shamed. Yeah I've done enough mistakes and NO! I won't give him a second chance! I will come back here whenever I feel like talking to him.
Good for you. You could learn from this situation and become quite a bad*ss chick if you overcome your feelings for this scumbag. Congrats so far
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