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N my son was laid off now collecting unemployment n they r all trying to live off him he is only one looking for a joband the mother recently got a big settlement n didd not help and her n daughter were going o spas n now money is gone so he recently got in touch with his absent father n family n starting asking them for money and they give it not knowing the history n i cant see my grandbaby and the girl talks crap about his sisters he wont talk to them either and has replaced his sisters with dads new daughters also their father n mother wernt together either so we all got ousted
N my son was laid off now collecting unemployment n they r all trying to live off him he is only one looking for a joband the mother recently got a big settlement n didd not help and her n daughter were going o spas n now money is gone so he recently got in touch with his absent father n family n starting asking them for money and they give it not knowing the history n i cant see my grandbaby and the girl talks crap about his sisters he wont talk to them either and has replaced his sisters with dads new daughters also their father n mother wernt together either so we all got ousted
I have to support what the other posts have already said. While it must be devastating for you to have in essence lost your son, he is an adult and there is nothing you can do about the choices he makes now. You continuing to push the issue will not change his mind. What you CAN do is always remain open for him to contact you down the road if he decides that is what he wants.
As an adult who has cut off contact with my own parents, I would say that you really do need to respect his decision. Everyone has their reasons for making certain choices. I know if someone were to ask my mom, she would say that she was a great mom (and a very strict mom who deeply loved me). Everyone has different perspectives.
This! I have limited my contact with my mother (I still see her once a month AT LEAST but I dread it) because she is and never was a great mother but she doesn't get that. She thinks she was wonderful and that all my successes are due to her.
You're not going to change yours son's mind. If he's convinced that you were abusive, any show of force is just going to further convince him of his own righteousness.
Remember the old song "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" by Aretha Franklin? This is what seems to be lacking with this girlfriend. I seriously doubt that you were "abusive" from what you have written. If you were, then you would already know why your son has cut you off. I totally disagree that an 18 year old teenager has reached "maturity". It is a fact that the human brain does not fully mature until the mid twenties.
I think it is far more likely that the girlfriend and her mother are manipulating him and have some sort of agenda. You mentioned an inheritance. If it were just the girlfriend, I would suspect a simple case of possessive by nature, but for her mother to be participating in this lunacy makes me very suspicious!
I would strongly suggest cutting him off totally financially (to the point where you consult an attorney if necessary) until he begins showing you the RESPECT that you deserve as his mother! Remember that at his age, he still needs you a lot more than you need him and who wants to beg an ungrateful son for anything!!! He may end up making some rather large mistakes, but they will be all his own "grown-up" ones . He needs to learn not to let his hormones rule his choices and to show this level of disrespect (and CRUELTY) to his own mother is a whopper of a mistake! Teach him to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and stop indulging his impudence (which is true at any age when a son disrespects his mother that way!). Tough love is sometimes the only way to show that you truly love him and want a healthy relationship.
To those of you youngsters who think it's O.K. to dis the very people who brought you into this world, I say "good luck" to you in your pathetic little lives, btw. Oh yea, and GROW UP!
Wow, I disagree with ALL of the above criticism of this hurting mother. Being strict does not mean abuse, and this boy has been led away by an evil, manipulative, controlling duo. I totally sympathize with this mother. I am looking at this thread because I'm afraid my son is also being led away by a similar pair. I thought this girl was awesome at first and encouraged him to continue dating her. She is smart and going places, but leads an extremely sheltered life. He is little by little being pulled away from us, and finally in the last couple of days the truth has come out....jealous over every friend in his life, needing to ask permission to have dinner with his family, even if we invite her too! If he talks to me, his mother for 5 minutes past when he was supposed to leave to pick her up, she is texting that she is not number one, and that she doesn't want to see him. Typical emotional bullying!! I'm terrified and I am so sorry you are going through this hell!
I have a similar situation. My 30 year-old-son had a charmed childhood--private schools/college, vacations, travel, etc.--and a VERY close relationship with his dad and I and his two siblings. We initially liked the GF and even encouraged the relationship. They dated on & off for 5 years, moved in together and she has given him an ultimatum to marry her or else. He expressed a lot of concern about her--that he felt "owned" by her & told us he wasn't really excited about the prospect of marrying her--and his siblings have been supporting him. Now he resents their opinions. He's an actor, but has been struggling with the limits/challenges of that career. He works on a P/T basis for his dad & is drinking too much. The GF "enables" him. All attempts from us to help him are resented.
The GF and the mother are VERY controlling/manipulative & there are issues on her side of the family--parents divorced, the SIL will not let his GF in her house, strained RL with her brother. We invited her for the holidays and she didn't show up or offer a personal apology. The GF has arranged for "couples therapy" to get my son to commit to her and now we're seeing him distancing himself from us. He has a distorted reality & is rewriting history which we're told is a common way to make it easier for him to separate from us. We are all stunned at this turn of events as are our friends.
For now, we are staying calm, keeping the lines of communication open and hope he will go with his dad and I to a trusted psychiatrist we know. My son needs to take care of his addictions, be self-supporting and stand independently before making any commitments. I will honor and respect his choices, but I will also fight like hell to get him some support and keep him in our lives. Wish us luck.
I am going through the same thing. The mother actually found my son and introduced my son to her daughter. The situation is not as bad as yours but I am very concerned. They are acting like parents to him. I just wanted my son to be more independent. I am more worried for him instead of me because he is not being the independent man I envisioned he would be. He is relying on them for support and it doesn't seem healthy.
The girlfriend is older than my son and an only child. He is only 18 and already they are making major life decisions together.
I am going through the same thing. The mother actually found my son and introduced my son to her daughter. The situation is not as bad as yours but I am very concerned. They are acting like parents to him. I just wanted my son to be more independent. I am more worried for him instead of me because he is not being the independent man I envisioned he would be. He is relying on them for support and it doesn't seem healthy.
The girlfriend is older than my son and an only child. He is only 18 and already they are making major life decisions together.
Can you give some examples about how he relies on them?
Why is it a problem for him to make life decisions with his girlfriend? A lot of 18-year-olds do that and most of them don't end up marrying the person they are with at the time. It doesn't mean he's going to be with the girl forever.
Are you acting on this concern of yours? If you truly want him to be independent, then that entails allowing him to make his own decisions.
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R e s p e c t
. He needs to learn not to let his hormones rule his choices and to show this level of disrespect (and CRUELTY) to his own mother is a whopper of a mistake! Teach him to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and stop indulging his impudence (which is true at any age when a son disrespects his mother that way!). Tough love is sometimes the only way to show that you truly love him and want a healthy relationship. 
