Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonDavis
I'm not stupid. Everything is roses and cuddles in the beginning but we all know these times are short lived, and then the 'real relationship' begins and that's usually not very pretty.
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Several analogies come to mind, but let me tell you about a very personal story.
My first marriage was a sham. Twenty years ago, after our kids were both grown, I finally filed for divorce from my wife of 26 years and figured I'd live the rest of my life single and stress-free. But I started emailing a woman who lived far, far away in a kingdom by the sea -- New Jersey.
We were both writers, and we met on a writers' board when I was looking for some help with a script. We shared personal information -- lots of it. Because of the distance I "knew" I'd never meet her, so I held back nothing.
She was a wise and sympathetic person and helped me understand a great deal about myself, my relationships, and my life in general. When my marriage was finally over I wanted to get away for a few days (my attorney actually suggested it), and because the airlines were offering cheap deals at the time, I asked her if she'd show me around NYC if I visited. "Yes!"
To cut to the chase, we fell in love... almost instantly. Silly. We both knew it. All the signs pointed to the impossibility of a long-lasting relationship, but we let caution fly with the wind and forged ahead. A few months later I drove the 2000 plus miles to see her. Her car was broken down, so I offered her mine. And a month after that she packed it full of her clothing and books and returned it to me. She never left.
A year later we were married -- not because either of us really cared if we were married or not, but because we KNEW we'd spend the rest of our lives together either way, so why not.
After two-and-a-half more years of joy, caring, sharing, laughter and intense love, she died. Suddenly and without warning a blood vessel burst in her magnificent brain and she was gone in an instant.
It was, after all, a short-lived relationship, and what followed was not very pretty. I suffered immensely. I couldn't function -- could barely breathe.
Was it all worth it? Absolutely! It was the most important and wonderful years of my life. It was as if my eyes had been sewn shut at birth and were finally opened to see the world for the first time. What a great world it was!
My point is this: Don't be afraid of the "roses and cuddles" disappearing. It's better to have held a rose once than to have never seen one. To quote my late wife, "Every rose must have its thorn." Your goal should be "to avoid the thorns, and yet, to love the rose."
Good luck. Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness.
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