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Personally, I would be very leery of a man who kept tabs on everything he bought and whatnot, during the early days of a courtship.
I don't expect to be "wined and dined", but I also don't expect to get the "bill" for all of this thrown in my face.
Early on, my bf tried to pull this on me. I asked him, point blank, "do you REALLY want to go there?". If we're going to start nickel and diming things, I can bring up a whole heck of a lot. I don't, because, fundamentally, I do not believe that it's necessary or beneficial to a relationship. He caught my drift, and left it be. Smart man.
There's so much that goes into this. For me, if I were to ask the guy, it would generally be understood that I would be paying. However, if he was in a better financial position, I would expect that as a *gentleman* he would offer to pay. (And, the same would go in reverse. Right now, I'm a better position than my bf, so I would, of course, offer to pay.)
Honestly, I would be leery of a guy who was into this "quid pro quo" thing, because that's not where I come from.
Not necessarily "quid pro quo", but a reasonable balance; I think that many guys would be happy with a 70/30 or 60/40 arrangement, or at least a sincere offer to pay every now and then; sometimes, all that's required is a "good intention" once in a while..
The term "gold digger" is one of the traps men set to keep women off their money trail. Creation of this term was formulated to keep their money and get everything they want without expecting basic, instinctual responsibilities of a man. Men are suppose to be gentlemen and offer to pay for our dinner, our drinks and our entry fee. He is the one asking, he should be the one paying. I had a guy once asked me out to spend a night out on the coast line in fort lauderdale. Keep in mind that we had been dating for a year. Anyways, he asked me to go on this little adventure, and as we were 10-15min from our destination, he asked if I wanted to split the hotel room. I was shocked by this comment but I said yes either way. When we got to the coast line all of the suites were basically checked out. Anyways I said this is a sign, let's just spend the day and headed home. This guy was adamant about this idea, so he eventually found a vacancy. Anyways he handed the clerk at the desk his identification and credit card and said don't worry about it, he's got it. Anyways when we were ready to check out, he asked if he should put the rest on his card and I pay him back, which I answered yes. Anyways he dropped me home and asked if we could go to the atm right now to get the money, I said later, I'd call him in an hour or two with the money which I was upset about but had all intentions to pay back. He insisted he wanted at that moment. I was off course upset that this guy was hunting me down for half a hotel room money when a few hours or days hadn't passed. My advice to women is never pay for anything. If he is man enough to lay in between your legs and wants your valuable time he pays for everything. If he can't pay then he should never had mentioned the idea which means get lossed. I'm not saying from time to time a woman can't show affections of adornment by buying a man gifts if she gets spoilt from time to time. I think that thought should be welcomed. If a man can't fullfill the instictual qualities of professing, providing and protectingn then he is not your man or your not a keeper which in fact means he is in fact showing those attributes to someone else and you are just a play thing so best to move on.
The term "gold digger" is one of the traps men set to keep women off their money trail. Creation of this term was formulated to keep their money and get everything they want without expecting basic, instinctual responsibilities of a man. Men are suppose to be gentlemen and offer to pay for our dinner, our drinks and our entry fee. He is the one asking, he should be the one paying. I had a guy once asked me out to spend a night out on the coast line in fort lauderdale. Keep in mind that we had been dating for a year. Anyways, he asked me to go on this little adventure, and as we were 10-15min from our destination, he asked if I wanted to split the hotel room. I was shocked by this comment but I said yes either way. When we got to the coast line all of the suites were basically checked out. Anyways I said this is a sign, let's just spend the day and headed home. This guy was adamant about this idea, so he eventually found a vacancy. Anyways he handed the clerk at the desk his identification and credit card and said don't worry about it, he's got it. Anyways when we were ready to check out, he asked if he should put the rest on his card and I pay him back, which I answered yes. Anyways he dropped me home and asked if we could go to the atm right now to get the money, I said later, I'd call him in an hour or two with the money which I was upset about but had all intentions to pay back. He insisted he wanted at that moment. I was off course upset that this guy was hunting me down for half a hotel room money when a few hours or days hadn't passed. My advice to women is never pay for anything. If he is man enough to lay in between your legs and wants your valuable time he pays for everything. If he can't pay then he should never had mentioned the idea which means get lossed. I'm not saying from time to time a woman can't show affections of adornment by buying a man gifts if she gets spoilt from time to time. I think that thought should be welcomed. If a man can't fullfill the instictual qualities of professing, providing and protectingn then he is not your man or your not a keeper which in fact means he is in fact showing those attributes to someone else and you are just a play thing so best to move on.
The social contract has changed.
My advice to men is if you're interested in a woman and ask her out. Pay for the first date. As the woman, should also pay for the first date if she is the one who asked you out.
From then on go dutch. The agreement being if a mutually agreeable activity for a date that requires spending money isn't found. Then you can just visit or do something free. Or each individual takes turns planning a date, and picking up the check.
If both parties cannot show that they're equally committed to the potential of a future financial partnership/contract. Then they're A BAD RISK in today's NO-FAULT Divorce arena.
Indeed, it's best to put them back on the shelf where you found them.
Also, unlike the guy in the example above. Make sure both parties are clear beforehand.
hmmm...guys want good looks and expect women to not have standards as well? As soon as women have criteria that seems unreasonable to the opposite sex, it is a disgrace? very interesting. last time i checked, real men pay for dates. If you cant afford a steak house, go to mD's, but atleast pay for her dollar meal. cheapo's. Im sure you men have "criteria" that women dont like. I shouldnt even have to make this point to grown men of any standard on an internet board , jesus.
we want good looks but that does not excuse being a ***** then. just saying. women can have criteria, but being a ***** is a huge character flaw. especially when they know that you only make so much. if $$$$ are the primary concern then don't say yes to me in the first place.
Personally, I would be very leery of a man who kept tabs on everything he bought and whatnot, during the early days of a courtship.
I don't expect to be "wined and dined", but I also don't expect to get the "bill" for all of this thrown in my face.
Early on, my bf tried to pull this on me. I asked him, point blank, "do you REALLY want to go there?". If we're going to start nickel and diming things, I can bring up a whole heck of a lot. I don't, because, fundamentally, I do not believe that it's necessary or beneficial to a relationship. He caught my drift, and left it be. Smart man.
There's so much that goes into this. For me, if I were to ask the guy, it would generally be understood that I would be paying. However, if he was in a better financial position, I would expect that as a *gentleman* he would offer to pay. (And, the same would go in reverse. Right now, I'm a better position than my bf, so I would, of course, offer to pay.)
Honestly, I would be leery of a guy who was into this "quid pro quo" thing, because that's not where I come from.
when you're a public servant with bills to pay it's only fiancially responsible on my part is it not to not go nuts spending on her when well i don't have that kind of spending ability.
i think shows like real housewives and millionaire matchmaker have ruined it for those of us who make less than 40 grand a year.
if he was the one who asked me i would expect him to pay for the first date or two (and i probably wouldnt offer). after that i would offer, but if he insisted i wouldnt try to stop him. once things were more serious it would depend on each of our financial situations. i paid probably 80% of the time in the first year i dated my bf because i was financially stable and he was struggling to find a job. now that he's back on track he pays most of the time, but most of it is to make up for all the time i was paying... it would probably be about 50/50 otherwise since we both make about the same amount of money.
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The social contract has changed.
