Why am I perceived so negatively? (Is it due to not fitting the stereotype?) (single, kid)

[penguin_kernel]

Maybe you eat too much garlic ?

[lakeman0]

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

I'm a young college educated (black American) professional woman.

I'm very observant, and I've noticed (for some odd reason), people tend to usually react in a negative fashion towards me. Perhaps it's because I make them uncomfortable. For the record, there is nothing inherently intimidating about my presence. I'm actually quite petite. I take a great deal of pride in my appearance, as well as my professional work.

so you automatically assume it is because your black?

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

I've been told that I look 10 to 13 years younger than my actual age. Most people would probably mistake me for an 18 year old (in appearance alone). Much of this is due to the fact that I have never drank any form of alcohol or used any illicit drugs. I absolutely abhor bars, clubs, and lounges. Also, I must admit that genetics plays a role as well. I have dark skin; therefore, I'm less prone to age. I've noticed that other women in their late 20's/ early 30's (particularly white women) often look closer to 40 something. I'm wondering if this plays any role in why I'm perceived so negatively?

Again what does any of this have to do with anything?

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

When I show up at meetings in my professional suits and heels, people seem to always take a double look. It's almost as if they are uncomfortable with confronting the realization that black American women are not a monolithic group. I strongly dislike rap/hip hop because it promotes the most destructive images of black women around the world. Unfortunately, people who have never even encountered a black woman, will often believe that we are all about partying and sex. I take a great deal of pride in my overall appearance and I go out of my way to dispel the negative stereotypes that are often associated with black women. I tend to be very conservative (in the truest sense). I would never engage in any form of pre-marital sex!

what are you talking about? Not everything is about race. Ever think it is you, not the color of your skin?

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

I do however realize that we are all individuals; therefore, I never judge others. I'm simply wondering why people tend to judge me so harshly. It's very odd, but sometimes I get the feeling that people are uncomfortable because I do not fit the 'sassy/finger snapping/ghetto' stereotype.

It's very sad that conservative black women, such as myself are ostracized for having values and morals.

Yes we are aware of stereotypes and you have demonstrated nothing in this post that would indicate people perceive you negatively . You seem to have an inferiority complex and issues with your skin

[KUchief25]

Ever think your getting the old double look cause you look very attractive in a bidness suit? Men always act weird around women. It's hilarious at times. They will trip over themselves because in the back of their minds they think maybe they will get lucky. Human nature. I would take it as a compliment.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

I'm a young college educated (black American) professional woman.

I'm very observant, and I've noticed (for some odd reason), people tend to usually react in a negative fashion towards me. Perhaps it's because I make them uncomfortable. For the record, there is nothing inherently intimidating about my presence. I'm actually quite petite. I take a great deal of pride in my appearance, as well as my professional work.

I've been told that I look 10 to 13 years younger than my actual age. Most people would probably mistake me for an 18 year old (in appearance alone). Much of this is due to the fact that I have never drank any form of alcohol or used any illicit drugs. I absolutely abhor bars, clubs, and lounges. Also, I must admit that genetics plays a role as well. I have dark skin; therefore, I'm less prone to age. I've noticed that other women in their late 20's/ early 30's (particularly white women) often look closer to 40 something. I'm wondering if this plays any role in why I'm perceived so negatively?

When I show up at meetings in my professional suits and heels, people seem to always take a double look. It's almost as if they are uncomfortable with confronting the realization that black American women are not a monolithic group. I strongly dislike rap/hip hop because it promotes the most destructive images of black women around the world. Unfortunately, people who have never even encountered a black woman, will often believe that we are all about partying and sex. I take a great deal of pride in my overall appearance and I go out of my way to dispel the negative stereotypes that are often associated with black women. I tend to be very conservative (in the truest sense). I would never engage in any form of pre-marital sex!

I do however realize that we are all individuals; therefore, I never judge others. I'm simply wondering why people tend to judge me so harshly. It's very odd, but sometimes I get the feeling that people are uncomfortable because I do not fit the 'sassy/finger snapping/ghetto' stereotype.

It's very sad that conservative black women, such as myself are ostracized for having values and morals.

Where do you live/work? I work in NYC, and there are many professional black women who don't fit the stereotypes you describe. You don't sound all that unusual to me. Thinking about the ones I know, most of them are quite religious and conservative.

I suspect you may be looking for, and reading into, something that really isn't there. Or, as someone pointed out, you look very young and/or are attractive, and that might be getting you the looks. Black, professional, conservative women are hardly something new in the business world these days.

[gentlearts]

I'm picturing Condoleza Rice, and I think she is well liked, so maybe it's just your imagination?

[crisan]

Instead of going out of your way not to play into negative stereotypes, do things your way because you enjoy it.

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

No, I definitely do not preach, but I do go out of my way, not to play into the negative stereotypes.

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

I just get the impression that people expect me to 'behave' in a certain fashion, and when I don't, they become un-nerved.

You asked why you are perceived so negatively? It is a good question to ask. Here is my answer.

Those negative reactions say more about those people negatively than it does about you and it should stay that way. Why? This post below explains it well.

Originally Posted by calipoppy

I am so surprised that no one in your life has sat you down over a cup of Earl Grey and had "the talk" with you about these issues. This is simply one of our burdens to bear.

Many people are ruled by ignorance when it comes to understanding the diversity which exists amongst Black Americans. This will always be a truth that we must acknowledge and accept. Yes, non-Black people will look at you as if you have two heads when you mention that you attended the opening of the opera season at the Met or hold an annual subscription for the Philharmonic but the only thing that you can do is rise above the pettiness that you will encounter and continue to be true to yourself.

[cwamjn]

Post a picture of you in your suit so people have some reference to go on.

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by Lisa2013

I just get the impression that people expect me to 'behave' in a certain fashion, and when I don't, they become un-nerved.

It's very apparent that I'm conservative. I do not hide it at all.

I'm always pleasantly surprised when people 'break the stereotype' of their group, it reminds me that people are individuals, not just members of a group who think and act like bees with a swarm mentality.

Nothing in how you describe yourself leads me to believe people would think negatively of you. The only thing I can imagine is some other black women who aren't as well off as you who might be jealous, but they are just bitter people.

Maybe you need to be more secure in who you are. People will always judge, but they have no power over you if you don't let it affect you. Maybe you are just being a bit paranoid, I don't know. Either way, just practice overall self-confidence. Think of yourself as a person, not a black or a woman or a professional.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Lisa, you still didn't answer my cleavage question

[blondiel]

I have read your post and all of the responses. I just don't get it. What is the problem?