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It's not crazy. Male brains are wired to be goal-oriented. See the hill, take the hill. I'll add that they have greater appreciation for the hill that is hard-won.
Hmm.
In my opinion it's the other way around.
Women want men who present a challenge and men would rather pick the path of least resistance.
BTW, that doesn't translate to anything outside of dating.
It's not crazy. Male brains are wired to be goal-oriented. See the hill, take the hill. I'll add that they have greater appreciation for the hill that is hard-won.
Sounds sexist on my part to say that, but there it is.
To get an idea of this on a very basic level, look at the psychology of gaming. When The Sims first came out, it was definitely a "female" game even though the developers did not intend for it to be. They realized there would be a certain segment of females (and I use that term because it incorporates teens and adult women) who would get a bang out of playing "pixel Barbies," and they were right. But they also expected more males to be into it.
Turns out that for males, not having a way to "win" equates to "what's the point?" You can't "beat" the Sims, and because the Sims in Sims 1 didn't die (naturally--you could kill them, or set them up to be killed), there was no way to determine success or failure. Sure they had moods that went up or down depending on the state of their lives, but it didn't matter to them if they were in a job they "wanted," whether they climbed the ladder on their career path, whether they got married and had families, and so on.
So with Sims 2 and Sims 3 they changed the game play to involve more goals. The Sims now have lifetime goals, things they need to do or else they'll die (naturally) with "regrets." Dying happy is a form of winning. That drew a lot more males to the series.
LOL! Love the Sims and I don't care about the "goals." I don't get to play anymore because I'm too busy taking care of my real children
Anyway, I agree with everything you say. It may sound silly but I believe it to be true. I have limited experience in this arena, but I know my husband had to chase me hardcore when we were young. I had just broken up with a boy and didn't feel like risking heartbreak again and there was this other guy that was chasing me at the time too. Since I was just out of a relationship, I decided I should just have fun and spent my time with both boys. Finally, it got to the point that I felt obligated to choose because I knew real feelings were beginning to develop. I made the right choice with my now husband. I dunno, but we went through a LOT together before we got married and my man never wavered. He never left my side. That's a testament to the strength of his character but I also think some male/chase psychology might have been at work. I'm not that much of a prize!!! I would have dumped me at various points in our relationship. Maybe he thought I was "worth more" at the time because he had to work so hard to get me in the first place. I dunno. We're too old for that crap now so it's all water under the bridge but the thought is interesting.
It's not crazy. Male brains are wired to be goal-oriented. See the hill, take the hill. I'll add that they have greater appreciation for the hill that is hard-won.
Sounds sexist on my part to say that, but there it is.
To get an idea of this on a very basic level, look at the psychology of gaming. When The Sims first came out, it was definitely a "female" game even though the developers did not intend for it to be. They realized there would be a certain segment of females (and I use that term because it incorporates teens and adult women) who would get a bang out of playing "pixel Barbies," and they were right. But they also expected more males to be into it.
Turns out that for males, not having a way to "win" equates to "what's the point?" You can't "beat" the Sims, and because the Sims in Sims 1 didn't die (naturally--you could kill them, or set them up to be killed), there was no way to determine success or failure. Sure they had moods that went up or down depending on their immediate circumstances (hunger, hygiene, etc.), but it didn't matter to them if they were in a job they "wanted," whether they climbed the ladder on their career path, whether they got married and had families, and so on.
So with Sims 2 and Sims 3 they changed the game play to involve more goals. The Sims also now have lifetime goals, things they need to do or else they'll die (naturally) with "regrets." Dying happy is a form of winning. That drew a lot more males to the series.
I guess I'm not wired like most males. I played and enjoyed the Sims 1, 2 & 3, but I always used cheat codes so I wouldn't have to worry about my sim dying. I mainly just enjoyed building the houses. I've never been competitive at all. I do enjoy winning things (like chess), but I don't enjoy having to work really hard in order to win. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't enjoy something just for the challenge. During recess in school when all the other boys were playing football and basketball and getting angry when they lost, I was drawing in my sketch pad or jumping out of swings. In middle school I was on the basketball team, mostly because I was talked into trying out. Our team won a lot, and when we were doing well in the regional tournaments all my teammates were completely ecstatic when we won, and utterly heartbroken when we finally lost. But I didn't care either way, and I couldn't understand why they reacted so strongly to it.
I'd welcome a woman initiating contact. I'm really not shy in the least when people talk to me, but I'm incredibly shy about initiating a conversation with someone I've never met. In fact I never do it at all; I just can't think of anything to say, ever. I also never ask for numbers during a conversation or ask anyone out on dates. Again, largely due to shyness and fear of rejection, but a lot of it also has to do with the fact that I can't ever remember seeing any signs that a woman was interested in me. If I'm not getting that impression when we're talking, then naturally I'm not even going to consider asking her out.
Along with older guys who are not actively in the dating scene for whatever reason, you are the typical guy who post on this relationship forum. At least that is what I have observed as a lurker. You have no or limited experience with women and dating skills because you spend too much time online or on your PC living a life of virtual reality, which includes getting your sexual satisfaction from online porn. And as the older you get, the problem gets more ingrained in your psyche. You gotta work on getting girlfriends, or eventually a wife and family if that is what you want, or you will end up being the end of your genetic line, a casualty of the natural law of survival of the fittest. And some will say that is a good outcome for guys who don't have the ability to hunt a mate. The time you spend reading and replying to blogs, etc., is time you could be at a mall talking to cute sales women asking them if those jeans makes your butt look big...LOL, but you know what I mean, get started by look for opportunities to talk to women whose job it is to talk to customers. Learn to talk about pointless topics and how to make them laugh. Memorize 4-5 jokes you read online and ask them "heard any good jokes lately". Do a couple, she if she has any, talk about kim kardisian (every woman has an opinion on her), blah blah blah. You can close by saying something like, "do you want me to text you any funny ones?... give me your number, and then text knock-knock jokes"
also read the other thread here on rejections that has some golden nuggets, like this one....
Quote:
Originally Posted by bignutz
Dude, here's the truth. Imagine how often models and actors get rejected when they go out to calls and how they deal with rejection. After enduring much rejection pain, there is a point where you reach where it doesn't bug you, or at least you don't take it as personal as much. Ironically, when women see you can handle rejection, they see you quite differently. You are no longer the guy who walks away meekly and crushed, and they will want to know why you are different. If your lucky, during this process you will break through, by accident or experience, and find someone you connect with.
Last edited by dkjones48; 05-05-2012 at 01:29 PM..
This is a great thread. It's been on my mind the last couple of days because of a recent problem with a woman who was aggressively pursuing me. And I was amazed at how much it turned me off and it's made me think a lot about the pursuer/persuee (sp?) issue. As the man, I like to do the pursuing, and yes, I think we're wired that way. If she pursues me constantly, it reeks of desperation, and I don't dig desperation. And I think it's true for a lot of guys when I say that if a guy likes a girl enough, 9 times out of 10, he will overcome his shyness and show some way he's interested. He might trip over his words, or seem a bit awkward, but trust me, ladies, he'll find a way to get it out. Trust me, it's true, because a beautiful woman with a fantastic personality is worth it.
Personally, all I need from a woman is a sign that she's interested. Not a full on pursuit, just a subtle signal. A friendly text here and there, leaving the door open to meeting again, exchanging contact information--something like that. It's a delicate dance, to be sure for both sides, but it can be done.
Personally, all I need from a woman is a sign that she's interested. Not a full on pursuit, just a subtle signal. A friendly text here and there, leaving the door open to meeting again, exchanging contact information--something like that. It's a delicate dance, to be sure for both sides, but it can be done.
Welcome aboard, mackinac81. See, you said the woman might send a sign she's interested by exchanging contact info. That's all we're talking about. Maybe giving you her number, after she notices you looking her way or after you exchange some chat, is the signal she gives. It doesn't mean she pursues you or comes on heavy. And you're right, it is a delicate dance. Some people overdo it, but some people under-do it to the point that opportunities are missed, and that's a loss for both parties involved. So it seems, imo.
Along with older guys who are not actively in the dating scene for whatever reason, you are the typical guy who post on this relationship forum. At least that is what I have observed as a lurker. You have no experience with women and dating skills because you spend too much time online or on your PC living a life of virtual reality, which includes getting your sexual satisfaction from online porn. And as the older you get, the problem gets more ingrained in your psyche. You gotta work on getting girlfriends, or eventually a wife and family if that is what you want, or you will end up being the end of your genetic line, a casualty of the natural law of survival of the fittest. And some will say that is a good outcome for guys who don't have the ability to hunt a mate. The time you spend reading and replying to blogs, etc., is time you could be at a mall talking to cute sales women asking them if those jeans makes your butt look big...LOL, but you know what I mean, get started by look for opportunities to talk to women whose job it is to talk to customers. Learn to talk about pointless topics and how to make them laugh. Memorize 4-5 jokes you read online and ask them "heard any good jokes lately". Do a couple, she if she has any, talk about kim kardisian (every woman has an opinion on her), blah blah blah.
also read the other thread here on rejections that has some golden nuggets, like this one....
Read my next post at the top of this page. I'm very unlikely to work really hard for something if I don't feel it's really worth it. Very rarely do I see a woman I even want to ask out, and when I do, she's usually with her husband or boyfriend, so it's pointless anyway. But on those incredibly rare occasions when I see a woman I find attractive enough that I might actually want to talk to her, and she's not with a man, I can't think of any conversation starter that wouldn't come off as creepy or like just another loser hitting on her. People will say, "Just go up to her and say 'Hi my name is XXXX'" Usually when I see these women they're going about their day-to-day tasks, minding their own business, and I can't imagine they care to have some guy trying to ask them out. Also, like I said, I never get any cues that a woman wants me to ask her out. If they're sending out those signals I'm not seeing any of them.
Incidentally, I have dated a little before. But that was in a very small high school where students were constantly around each other and you almost couldn't help but get to know people. And I didn't ask anyone out; those relationships just sort of happened. A few years after high school, I worked with a girl who seemed to like me a lot, and I liked her. We'd talk on the phone, she'd stop by work on her days off to see me, we were mutually flirtatious, and in general it just couldn't have been a better opportunity to ask someone out. Coworkers were constantly talking about how we should date, and she even told one of them she wanted to date me. So I asked her out, and she said . . . . . no. After that and some other baffling experiences, I finally just said "F*** it." If a woman is interested in me she can approach me, because I'm not interested in putting in a lot of effort to figure out people who don't make any sense to me, only to be rejected. And I'm not going to treat it like some silly game with all sorts of rules. Either a woman likes me enough to talk to me, or she doesn't.
Read my next post at the top of this page. I'm very unlikely to work really hard for something if I don't feel it's really worth it. . . . After that and some other baffling experiences, I finally just said "F*** it." If a woman is interested in me she can approach me, because I'm not interested in putting in a lot of effort to figure out people who don't make any sense to me, only to be rejected. And I'm not going to treat it like some silly game with all sorts of rules. Either a woman likes me enough to talk to me, or she doesn't.
You've become jaded, and too soon IMHO. I know to many the dating and mating rituals are "just a game they don't want to play". Sadly, it is designed to separate alpha from beta males, and the varying degrees in between. But don't turn it into a situation where the woman has to have more balls than you to show any potential for romantic interest by approaching you first. Bad call, unless you are a rock star, actor, or other chick magnet. Getting rejected by women is part of becoming, and being, a man, it's our modern male right of passage, at least when it comes to finding a mate. Keep practicing, even with women you aren't interested in. It's about developing and polishing your ability to express and maintain an interest in a woman, doesn't matter if you plan on taking it to the next stage. What you are doing now is expecting attraction to happen naturally with you have cold and untested skills, which is unattractive to most women, I think, because women generally are attracted to a dominant (strong) male and a little rejection is something he should be able to handle.
By the way, when I was hitting the clubs big time a few years ago, me and my buds had a rule of approaching at least 3 totally unattractive women (big girls too) before we approached a hottie so that your chops and bullsh_t factors were well lubricated for the good ones. Funny thing is, sometimes the hot chick down the way tends to notice and finds that "I'm just here to meet people" attitude attractive. Yups, that's how its done.
Last edited by dkjones48; 05-05-2012 at 02:25 PM..
if you wait for a girl to show interest, ur not gonna always get the type of girl u want.... think about it... hot girls or girls that are in high demand have men that hit on them or talk to them constantly. A girl isnt gonna to chase after a guy when she has multiple ones coming after her. You just need to play it cool and show ur different than the other men. I'm naturally a funny guy and am very down to earth. For me it works. For u it might be something different
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