Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In modern society this can be a risky proposition. But the PETCO example makes sense to me...the presence of small, cutesy and furry animals are a natural deactivator of a woman's defense mechanisms against strangers hitting on her.
Makes sense! I guess I'll see you at PETCO tomorrow.
I have accepted dates from men who approached me in stores, though. A guy I dated just recently asked me out when I was perusing the yogurt flavors in the store.
Interesting. I wonder how many opportunities I lost by not pursuing women in the yogurt section.
Do you have trouble asking women out? Or do they just not accept?
I have trouble asking women out. I'm rarely in a situation where I am conversing with women that are single. I organize two coed volleyball teams year round and I have an easy time joking around with ladies in the league, but every lady that I have gotten to know who is in her 30s or 40s is either married or has a boyfriend. Most of the staff in my department at work are women and they think I am funny and easy to talk to and they tell me that they don't understand why I'm still single.
I think cpg's tone is condescending, but his words are on point. OP, pretty much follow this and you'll be golden. Opportunities abound... you are surrounded by wonderful women who would appreciate some fun and appropriately proportinial attention. (Don't smother women you just met, just flirt a bit.) There's no need to pine for the college girl. Instead, come up with some fun things to do with friends or by yourself, do them, and keep an eye out for women who might enjoy an invite to come with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Okay. Your post isn't all that hard to dissect. If I've heard one guy say essentially what you have, I've heard a hundred. You're not unique. Your complaints are practically out of a script. So here's the skinny.
1) People who find relationships easily do so because they have cultivated good people skills. One of the great fallacies out there is the belief that either one is a born conversationalist or one is not. Conversation is an art, one that has to be developed in you. Yes, some people begin life better at it than others, but it's a skill that has to be developed in all of us.
2) Work on making yourself a more attractive person, physically and from a personality standpoint. The poet Ovid once wrote, "To be loved, you must first be lovable."
3) You basically pined away for this girl who lived away, anticipating how this one dinner date was going to clinch the deal. But now you've found out that she's committed. What? Are there no other women in Southern California? Look, man, it's a numbers game. You live in a part of the country that's practically awash in attractive, intelligent, funny, and lively women and you are standing around waiting for some girl to come home from college? In that sense, romantic interests have to be tried on for size. I mean, how do you know that there isn't some boffo woman out there they you keep overlooking, all because you have your sights set on some girl who is already involved hundreds of miles away.
And even if you scored the dinner date, what then? Were you going to embark on a whirlwind courtship? Were you going to demand that she squeeze you in between opening presents, family get togethers, and reunions with other friends? You really ask a lot of someone during a two-week visit home. Trust me. A full-court press is a really bad way to spark a romance.
4) Nobody likes a whiner. Just reading phrases in your post such as "I'm starting to think that I will be alone forever" make me think that you wallow in self-pity. The fact that your friends are telling you that there are plenty of fish in the sea tells me that you've complained about this a lot.
5) Want to know what women like? Women like a man who embraces life. Women like a man who doesn't look upon women as the end-all, be-all key to his personal happiness. Women like a man who looks them in the eye and converses with her as if she's a real flesh-and-blood person, not some neo-platonic ideal of a fertility goddess up on a pedestal. Women like a man who likes them but isn't so impressed that he'll put up with their bullish*t. Women like a man who isn't just seeing them as a potential bedmate, a life support system for boobs and a vagina, but still sees them as a person with thoughts, beliefs, and a personality all her own.
6) I mean, dude, the biggest clue can be found in the title of this thread. The very word 'mate' implies that you're not even remotely interested in getting to know a woman or just having a fun relationship. Instead, you're wanting to close the deal in the speediest fashion possible. It reeks of desperation, the kind that women can smell a mile away. A woman is not a beautiful bird that you're trying to capture and put in a cage. She's a living, breathing person who, at your age, is wanting to enjoy her youth and life's possibilities. The last thing she wants is to be shackled to a self-pitying schlub.
I think cpg's tone is condescending, but his words are on point. OP, pretty much follow this and you'll be golden. Opportunities abound... you are surrounded by wonderful women who would appreciate some fun and appropriately proportinial attention. (Don't smother women you just met, just flirt a bit.) There's no need to pine for the college girl. Instead, come up with some fun things to do with friends or by yourself, do them, and keep an eye out for women who might enjoy an invite to come with.
I'm not being condescending. I'm being annoyed. Big difference.
I have trouble asking women out. I'm rarely in a situation where I am conversing with women that are single. I organize two coed volleyball teams year round and I have an easy time joking around with ladies in the league, but every lady that I have gotten to know who is in her 30s or 40s is either married or has a boyfriend. Most of the staff in my department at work are women and they think I am funny and easy to talk to and they tell me that they don't understand why I'm still single.
So you're older? I think that makes it harder.
I'm in my early 30s and just dating, so we are out there.
In modern society this can be a risky proposition. But the PETCO example makes sense to me...the presence of small, cutesy and furry animals are a natural deactivator of a woman's defense mechanisms against strangers hitting on her.
Especially if the girl has her head cocked and an amused expression on her face because she's watching a contortionist ferret thinking there's no way the position he's sleeping in can possibly be comfortable.
I had a guy walk by, laugh and make a comment the other day while I was doing just that but because he had kids in tow, I assumed he was married so I responded but didn't attempt to flirt. Around here, if someone is in his 30's/40's with kids chances are he's married. Heck, even without the kids in that age bracket chances are he's unavailable.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
