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Why are you doing this all day on a Saturday? Since you started this thread, I've been to work, the grocery, watched a movie with my family, shopped with my kid and ate lunch.
Remember the thread was started yesterday evening; not this morning.
Once I began my paperwork this morning I checked on the progress here. I believe that is when you joined in.
Sometimes we are so deeply affected by an early emotional experience that it is hard to move forward in life. She may be the first person he loved, but more important, she is also the first person he lost.
It may be that some sacred dream of authentic actualization was attached to her; he crossed some river with her; he shared some formative experience with her that can never be repeated. He must accept that it cannot be repeated and move on to new experiences that are as deep and all-consuming as that one was.
But he can only do this when he is ready. He may have to actually grieve the loss. To grieve it he must admit that it is over. Remaining fixated on her is a way of staying safe and stuck. But it is also a way of slowly decaying. It is a way of not living.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
You know what I consider rude? People who post online and then attempt to control the way others respond. It's not how the world works.
It's the way his world works. We all know by now OP is detached from reality...there are 4-6 threads of the same discussion proving this. I see no point in reiterating the advice we have to give him because he's on here looking for one answer which doesn't exist. He wants to know how the girl will appreciate him for his fixation on her and not on his unsatisfactory appearance, not to mention the fact that he believes in his head he "knows her" from 4 years of staring at her and having one moment where she snapped at him.
Why not just point him to some off-line help? He won't find his answers here.
This leaves me at a loss. Her inability to articulate her exact reasons for her adamant dislike of me, leaves me with few ideas as to how I should work on improvement of myself as a person. I know that she does not like my appearance; so that should be my first area of improvement
If she would simply share additional details of what she wants in a man, perhaps I could work towards acquiring some of those qualities as well. However it is doubtful, she would be willing to share that with me or anyone besides close friends.
You're not understanding my point.
I'm saying that relationships/attraction is complicated and very subjective. Just b/c she doesn't want to date you doesn't mean she adamantly dislikes you (although, truth be told, if she found out you were obsessed with here she'd be very creeped out and with good reason). The fact that she doesn't want to date you means she doesn't want to date you and nothing else.
There's no formula to dating. The best thing you can do is work on yourself; do well in College, try to get a good job, exercise, dress well, etc. All you can do is present the best possible package. Some people will buy what you're selling and others won't. When someone is not interested, it's not an insult to you. You'll have times when you're shooting girls down and that doesn't mean you're insulting them or dislike them. It just means the connection isn't there/
What frustrates us is you don't listen to good advice. Relationships aren't just about having certain qualities or items on a checklist; they're about connections that are either present or missing. In this case, the connection was missing (on her end). What you need to realize is that's OK; it doesn't mean you're a bad guy (though your reluctance to listen to our advice is annoying).
Just remember one of the first responses I sent to you. This is a paraphrase but it was something like...
Most girls you want to date, won't even give you the time of day.
Most jobs you apply for, will reject you before a human being even sees your resume.
Most homes you want, you won't even be able to afford the down payment or pre-qualify for the mortgage.
Most cars you want, you'll never be able to afford.
Life is difficult. What you're going through now is a minor setback, at most. You're making it into something bigger than what it is, but it's nothing.
I stated before that I would never stoop to the level of stalking her. I believe it is okay to admire from afar, but I believe that stalking is never acceptable in any circumstance.
That's good.
Okay, I myself have had a few crushes. I'm not going to lie, some of the crushes were mutual. There is always that one woman that stands out to me. One woman that is going to be on my mind more than others. Eventually, one of many other things happen.
She has a man, she disappears, or I find out that she is not attracted to me.
I'm saying that relationships/attraction is complicated and very subjective. Just b/c she doesn't want to date you doesn't mean she adamantly dislikes you (although, truth be told, if she found out you were obsessed with here she'd be very creeped out and with good reason). The fact that she doesn't want to date you means she doesn't want to date you and nothing else.
There's no formula to dating. The best thing you can do is work on yourself; do well in College, try to get a good job, exercise, dress well, etc. All you can do is present the best possible package. Some people will buy what you're selling and others won't. When someone is not interested, it's not an insult to you. You'll have times when you're shooting girls down and that doesn't mean you're insulting them or dislike them. It just means the connection isn't there/
What frustrates us is you don't listen to good advice. Relationships aren't just about having certain qualities or items on a checklist; they're about connections that are either present or missing. In this case, the connection was missing (on her end). What you need to realize is that's OK; it doesn't mean you're a bad guy (though your reluctance to listen to our advice is annoying).
Just remember one of the first responses I sent to you. This is a paraphrase but it was something like...
Most girls you want to date, won't even give you the time of day.
Most jobs you apply for, will reject you before a human being even sees your resume.
Most homes you want, you won't even be able to afford the down payment or pre-qualify for the mortgage.
Most cars you want, you'll never be able to afford.
Life is difficult. What you're going through now is a minor setback, at most. You're making it into something bigger than what it is, but it's nothing.
LIS123; Thank you for your post. I actually agree with about 99% of what you've said here. I do not agree with the part I bolded; however I'm pleased that we are able see more of each other's perspective.
Why are you doing this all day on a Saturday? Since you started this thread, I've been to work, the grocery, watched a movie with my family, shopped with my kid and ate lunch.
Why aren't you at work or hanging out with other high-school seniors?
He isn't doing anything out of the ordinary. When I was a high school senior, I didn't have a job and I never hung out with my friends outside of school. My parents considered school a job so I wasn't required to work and I am very introverted. I highly doubt he is just on CD all day just doing this, he is multitasking. I have been doing the same as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Watson
This leaves me at a loss. Her inability to articulate her exact reasons for her adamant dislike of me, leaves me with few ideas as to how I should work on improvement of myself as a person. I know that she does not like my appearance; so that should be my first area of improvement
You should improve yourself for you first, don't ever try to change yourself for another person. There are lots of people who don't like me, but I wouldn't try to change for them. Like I said, you are not bad looking. Change your appearance because you want to. Doing things for yourself shows self esteem, and people are attracted to others with high self esteem.
Okay, I myself have had a few crushes. I'm not going to lie, some of the crushes were mutual. There is always that one woman that stands out to me. One woman that is going to be on my mind more than others. Eventually, one of many other things happen.
She has a man, she disappears, or I find out that she is not attracted to me.
Collect every piece of gum she ever sticks to the bottom of a table and make a shrine. What's this girl's name, anyway? I'll probably try to have sex with her, just to rub it in the op's face.
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You should improve yourself for you first, don't ever try to change yourself for another person. There are lots of people who don't like me, but I wouldn't try to change for them. Like I said, you are not bad looking. Change your appearance because you want to. Doing things for yourself shows self esteem, and people are attracted to others with high self esteem.
