Dating someone who's not yet divorced (girls, single, cheating, husband)

[nativeDallasite]

I'm dating someone whose divorce is pending and there is virtually no chance of reconciliation.

It all depends on the individuals' circumstances; I wouldn't say there's a hard and fast rule against dating someone who isn't divorced yet, though there's always a risk that the divorcing couple could reconcile. It can be pretty complicated; it's not for the faint of heart.

[Marylandkitten]

Originally Posted by SaveMtns

But, like Lindsey says: I, personally, would never trust him..........he's looking around TOO SOON.

Some states require a year to 2 years before any divorce is officially "finalized" what if you've been seperated over a year, and the paperwork is just a technicality, no kids/property to dispute. Are you saying for the sake of others, you should hole yourself up until the paperwork works its way through the courts before you try to find someone to be happy with again?

[Woodzman]

With Kids involved, it's a catch 22! You don't want the kids to grow up in a unloving relationship. So, staying together for the kids is not a good Ideal. Besides, It teaches the the wrong way a realtionship should be. I would rather be singlie and loving , than married and unloving. As far as what your friend should do. I'd say play it by ear and be very carefull. But, I would not set myself up for a heart break. Stay in controll......:-)

[Jasmin71]

What state makes you wait for 2 years? I never heard of that... Michigan has a 6 month wait when Kids are involved.

[nativeDallasite]

Originally Posted by Jasmin71

What state makes you wait for 2 years? I never heard of that... Michigan has a 6 month wait when Kids are involved.

Texas's waiting period is 60 days whether there are kids involved or not.

[Marylandkitten]

Originally Posted by Jasmin71

What state makes you wait for 2 years? I never heard of that... Michigan has a 6 month wait when Kids are involved.

I've included the list below, but wanted to add my comment, on how extremely shocked I was to see this thread this morning, when I was having a very similar conversation just last night about this.

I am not legally divorced yet. There is a 1 year waiting period in the state of Maryland. We didn't have any children, or joint property. He's as far out of my life as he can be, his previous marriage he ran from, the ex-wife ended up spending more money having the divorce finalized without his signature or cooperation, than she needed to, because he simply ran out and disappeared. He is making no effort to tie this one up either. Without wanting to hijack this thread, I'm trying to see every person as a case by case basis. I just had my heart crushed because a date I had on Sunday (who was divorced himself) did not want anything to do with me because I was still technically "some other guy's wife". I don't know how many times it felt like he was stabbing me in the stomach when he said that.. because it did a number on me. My ex was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive and manipulative to me, and every day that I'm gone I get down on my knees and thank God for having the family to support me through when I left him. I can survive on my own, but I am lonely.

This thread supports the notion that you should not involve yourself with anyone that the divorce is not finalized with, because "at any point" the couple could reunite and reconcile their relationship. Can this not be said of couples that weren't married? With that same notion, you shouldn't date anyone that had a previous serious relationship... because "at any point" the couple could reunite and reconcile their relationship as well.

I don't think you can set the same precedents for everyone. I for one, will play the devil's advocate here, in saying there is no right or wrong answer. Because I for one, cry myself to sleep at night lately, wondering if being previously (and regrettably continually) married to the worst mistake of my life, will indeed be one I continue to pay for the rest of my life.


To coin a phrase,
Take gentle care.


Alabama- No statutory requirement
Alaska- No statutory requirement
Arizona- No statutory requirement
Arkansas- 18 months prior to decree
California -No statutory requirement
Colorado- No statutory requirement
Connecticut- 18 months before filing
Delaware- 6 months prior to decree
District of Columbia- 6 months before filing
Florida- No statutory requirement
Georgia- No statutory requirement
Hawaii- No statutory requirement
Idaho- No statutory requirement
Illinois- 6 months prior to decree
Indiana- No statutory requirement
Iowa- No statutory requirement
Kansas- No statutory requirement
Kentucky- 60 days prior to decree
Louisiana- 180 days before filing
Maine- No statutory requirement
Maryland- 12 months before filing
Massachusetts- No statutory requirement
Michigan- No statutory requirement
Minnesota- No statutory requirement
Mississippi- No statutory requirement
Missouri- No statutory requirement
Montana- 180 days before filing
Nebraska- No statutory requirement
Nevada- 1 year before filing
New Hampshire- No statutory requirement
New Jersey- 18 months prior to decree
New Mexico- No statutory requirement
New York- 1 year prior to decree
North Carolina- 1 year prior to decree
North Dakota- No statutory requirement
Ohio- 1 year prior to decree
Oklahoma- No statutory requirement
Oregon- No statutory requirement
Pennsylvania- No statutory requirement
Rhode Island- No statutory requirement
South Carolina- 1 year prior to decree
South Dakota- No statutory requirement
Tennessee- No statutory requirement
Texas- No statutory requirement
Utah- No statutory requirement
Vermont- 6 months prior to decree
Virginia- 6 months prior to decree
Washington- No statutory requirement
West Virginia- 1 year prior to decree
Wisconsin- No statutory requirement
Wyoming- No statutory requirement

[Jasmin71]

Fiddlekitten said there was a state who has a waitin time of 2 years?
I actuelly know for a FACT that in Michigan yo HAVE to wait 6 month when Kids are involved.
not sure where this List is from but ......Info on Michigan is wrong.

i dont see no 2 years either, I see 18 Months... 1 1/2 years

[SaveMtns]

Originally Posted by Fiddlekitten

Some states require a year to 2 years before any divorce is officially "finalized" what if you've been seperated over a year, and the paperwork is just a technicality, no kids/property to dispute. Are you saying for the sake of others, you should hole yourself up until the paperwork works its way through the courts before you try to find someone to be happy with again?

NO, not at all. I was responding to the OP's statements that there are kids, and a spouse trying to save the marriage.

IMO, completely different situation from when there are NOT those two factors!

[STT Resident]

This continuing thread only affirms my previous post. The bottom line is that when a divorce becomes final in any jurisdiction is of no relevance where emotions are concerned. People going through a divorce suffer emotionally whether they acknowledge it or not and whether children are involved or not. Regardless of religious affiliation, one is basically raised with the, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and 'til death us do part" mentality which STICKS and, upon the breakdown of a marriage for whatever reason, results in feelings of guilt which segue too easily into bitterness and anger which serve only to obscure. As I mentioned, post-haste marriages and relationships immediately following separation/divorce, statistically end badly.

I sometimes wonder how my life might have turned out vastly different had I had access to the information so readily available now on the internet (for better or worse!) In my 40s I regretted the fact that I had been unable to even ask for advice from others throughout my life. "Growing up" took me a very long time but I'll never stop learning until I croak. But would I trade the basically solo learning experience, despite all the heartache, angst and all else? A very difficult question but probably not.

So many today seek instant gratification. Mainstream TV programs show resolution of problems within a scheduled timespot so it's no wonder that people are confused.

NativeDallasite has made a point about her particular situation and of course there is no doubt that each is different. There is no black or white on this subject but the statistics are nonetheless pretty obvious.

Learning to live alone without being lonely sometimes takes a long time. Cheers!

[Marylandkitten]

well said, STT.