Why don't women ask men out? (giving, behavior, date, boyfriend)
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Exactly! They want the man to do everything. However, I asked a beautiful woman out and she said yes on my 4th try.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I thought you were trying to change your woman hating attitude?
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Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
I'm just being honest. Most women want a man to approach them first. Am I wrong?
Perhaps - but that's not what you said. Wanting a man to approach them first is not even close to the same thing as wanting the man to do everything.
I don't know if it's biology or society - but men are usually more visual than women which means that they are going to base who they want to date more on what they find appealing at first glance. I'm not saying that men are shallow and women are deep - but initial attraction is more important to men than it is to women on the whole. Now - some women need to have that instant initial attraction as well - so I'm not saying that all men and all women are the same. But the majority of men know if they want to date someone or not based on their looks. So, given that - it makes sense that men would hit on women they don't know based on their looks whereas women would not. Also, so much importance is placed on a woman's appearance that we often have to fight to feel that we have value as a person apart from our looks. Some women are more successful at this than others - but I would bet that it's something that every woman has had to deal with at some point in her life. Given that so much value is placed on a woman's looks - and given that men are more visual than women - if you were a woman, wouldn't you feel that if a man was interested in you - he would make the first move? I'm not saying that this isn't changing and that many people go against this - but I'm saying that this is an issue at the root of the matter.
In addition to this - women generally give out signals when they are interested and men that are socially adept generally pick up on this. And this is often at a subconscious level.
There are also people that go after what they want - no matter their gender, and people that don't have to work to get what they want - no matter what their gender.
But saying that women want the men to do everything when you have pretty much zero experience with women isn't going to help you to become more open minded.
This comes up a lot and since board leans very towards the traditional side of things its going to get pretty similar answers and justifications every time.
Honestly your mileage my vary depending on who talk to and how you approach it everything else bio or socials whatever is just there to reaffirm positions than exactly explain anything.
Despite what everyone wants to believe finding a solid consensus on the base of gender a lone really doesn't help much nor brings any sort of solid conclusion.
Its better to just focus on whatever women or guy your dealing with than making a big social thing out of it.
Perhaps - but that's not what you said. Wanting a man to approach them first is not even close to the same thing as wanting the man to do everything.
I don't know if it's biology or society - but men are usually more visual than women which means that they are going to base who they want to date more on what they find appealing at first glance. I'm not saying that men are shallow and women are deep - but initial attraction is more important to men than it is to women on the whole. Now - some women need to have that instant initial attraction as well - so I'm not saying that all men and all women are the same. But the majority of men know if they want to date someone or not based on their looks. So, given that - it makes sense that men would hit on women they don't know based on their looks whereas women would not. Also, so much importance is placed on a woman's appearance that we often have to fight to feel that we have value as a person apart from our looks. Some women are more successful at this than others - but I would bet that it's something that every woman has had to deal with at some point in her life. Given that so much value is placed on a woman's looks - and given that men are more visual than women - if you were a woman, wouldn't you feel that if a man was interested in you - he would make the first move? I'm not saying that this isn't changing and that many people go against this - but I'm saying that this is an issue at the root of the matter.
In addition to this - women generally give out signals when they are interested and men that are socially adept generally pick up on this. And this is often at a subconscious level.
There are also people that go after what they want - no matter their gender, and people that don't have to work to get what they want - no matter what their gender.
But saying that women want the men to do everything when you have pretty much zero experience with women isn't going to help you to become more open minded.
Ok. This might be my inexperience coming into play, but a woman can send me all the signals in the world. I will be clueless. Just saying.
Perhaps - but that's not what you said. Wanting a man to approach them first is not even close to the same thing as wanting the man to do everything.
Yes
Quote:
I don't know if it's biology or society - but men are usually more visual than women which means that they are going to base who they want to date more on what they find appealing at first glance. I'm not saying that men are shallow and women are deep - but initial attraction is more important to men than it is to women on the whole. Now - some women need to have that instant initial attraction as well - so I'm not saying that all men and all women are the same. But the majority of men know if they want to date someone or not based on their looks. So, given that - it makes sense that men would hit on women they don't know based on their looks whereas women would not.
Yes
Quote:
Also, so much importance is placed on a woman's appearance that we often have to fight to feel that we have value as a person apart from our looks. Some women are more successful at this than others - but I would bet that it's something that every woman has had to deal with at some point in her life. Given that so much value is placed on a woman's looks - and given that men are more visual than women - if you were a woman, wouldn't you feel that if a man was interested in you - he would make the first move? I'm not saying that this isn't changing and that many people go against this - but I'm saying that this is an issue at the root of the matter.
Yes
Quote:
In addition to this - women generally give out signals when they are interested and men that are socially adept generally pick up on this. And this is often at a subconscious level.
Yes
Post is full of yes!
Just to add, while I can like a man quickly based on vibe & looks without interaction, I'm just as likely to be charmed via "dynamic" or how he interacts with me.
Also, men seem to "scan" their environment more for attractive women, whether consciously or not. As a woman, I generally don't do this. A man has to make me aware of him.
If I have a bucket list (which I don't) I'd like to be asked out just once IRL. I've been single and unattached for 30 years of my adult and it has never happened. I have never had a woman start a conversation and ask me for my phone number or ask to go out.
I've been told I'm good looking, I'm outgoing, and like to do fun things. I'm gainfully employed, mostly working in high-rise office buildings where a lot of women work.
Much of the above information I have posted before. I am not holding my breath that it will ever happen because I am not expecting it.
I think it's extremely rare that women ask men out and it's something that has baffled me most of my adult life.
Why is it a mans job to always to the asking? Silly tradition that is way outdated.
Men get rejected too, and often.
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this, but I've approached and asked out more men then I can remember. I'm talking, asked for their numbers, asked them to grab drinks/coffee, used the word date etc etc and received 3 yeses over the years. None of them ended up turning into dates.
From my experience, if a woman approaches a man he will think she's easy and take advantage of that. He knows she's into him, so he'll get what he wants and then disappear. I have many lady friends who are very bold and this has been their experience 9 times out of 10.
If I have a bucket list (which I don't) I'd like to be asked out just once IRL. I've been single and unattached for 30 years of my adult and it has never happened. I have never had a woman start a conversation and ask me for my phone number or ask to go out.
I've been told I'm good looking, I'm outgoing, and like to do fun things. I'm gainfully employed, mostly working in high-rise office buildings where a lot of women work.
Much of the above information I have posted before. I am not holding my breath that it will ever happen because I am not expecting it.
I think it's extremely rare that women ask men out and it's something that has baffled me most of my adult life.
Why is it a mans job to always to the asking? Silly tradition that is way outdated.
Men get rejected too, and often.
I kind of answered this in the new thread I started. But my point was I took the risk to approach, flirt, show my interest, I don't think it's too much to ask that a man show his interest as well. Besides, in my opinion, men are less discriminating. A man who isn't into and is just trying to scratch and itch will go out with me if he's had a dryspell.
For example, in the last "relationship" I had, the man had not had a date in eight years. I came on to him, I initiated everything, I took all the risks and took the unconventional role of pursing. The outcome? I was emotionally invested in him, really thought we had something, but he was just along for the ride because it had been a long time for him/he had no other prospects. I ended up spending (wasting) several months with him... time where he didn't give a rat's fart about me and time I could have spent finding someone who really was interested in me and a real relationship. And I am still hurting from it.
It's emotional insurance (in a way). If make a move toward him, smile and flirt with him, make it clear that I am interested in him and basically make all the moves the man can't make that last move and say, "hey, let's exchange info" or "I've enjoyed meeting you and I'd like to talk to you again" then he has nothing invested. I know that doesn't mean he's not interested (if he happens to be a shy man for example) but the problem is for every interested (but painfully shy) man there are a dozen other men who think, "hey, she must be desperate... meh, I will do her until someone better comes along." It stinks for both me and the shy guy if we miss out, but with the alternative is wasting time on another "not really into me" man. I rather be alone than go though that again.
Generally speaking women only get "bold" and ask out guys they deem highly desirable, like a guy has to really be worth it to put herself out there risk rejection, ego being crushed, and breaking the social norm of the guys doing to initiating. Men don't do this, we ask out all types of women. I know many guys who say "well I've never been approached or asked out by a girl", well Its likely because no woman has ever thought of you on that level.
The thing is a most of those guys aren't losers, they're average to above average dudes who a good portion have been or are currently in relationships
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this, but I've approached and asked out more men then I can remember. I'm talking, asked for their numbers, asked them to grab drinks/coffee, used the word date etc etc and received 3 yeses over the years. None of them ended up turning into dates.
From my experience, if a woman approaches a man he will think she's easy and take advantage of that. He knows she's into him, so he'll get what he wants and then disappear. I have many lady friends who are very bold and this has been their experience 9 times out of 10.
This goes both ways, and is also why some men don't like to do the pursuing.
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