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I agree with rationalmale18 this is flat out manipulation. Any situation can be manipulated to appear to be manipulation though, as other posters are saying about manipulating something so you get to find out what someone did sexually while single.
She was not single, on a break where it was not discussed if sleeping with other people was ok or not. So now might be the time to say that it did occur. She doesn't want to because he may not want to be with her. That is her decision. Not that it's right or wrong. I think it's manipulative.
If a person asks a question, lying is a manipulation but they weren't apart long enough for it to likely occur to him she did have sex with someone else. So its don't ask don't tell. Maybe she will let us know if it does come out etc. since this thread got so long.
There is no other way to look at witholding this information.
The other posters tried to argue that it is not manipulation because many people (read: women who sleep around a lot) do not reveal their sexual histories to current partners. Well, really, that is somewhat manipulative as well, but this situation is direct, clear cut, manipulation of his decision making ability.
Her past sexual history, before they engaged in a relationship, is irrelevant (for most people). What she did on a break, whether "ok" or "not" will certainly be of concern to the boyfriend at home crossing his fingers it was just a "break." To withold that info from him: Textbook manipulation.
If you want to use the fact that people withold sexual information all the time, then fine, that's manipulation too.
Last edited by rationalmale18; 02-03-2014 at 02:45 PM..
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. He really is a great guy all around. Pretty early on he told me he was looking for a relationship that could develop into something even longer. He didn't actually use the word "marriage" but I knew that's what he meant. I was completely on the same page with him.
So about two weeks ago I got some information from what I thought was a good friend and confronted my boyfriend with it. He flat out denied it. I didn't believe him and completely over reacted. Basically I told him we should take a break and think things through. He didn't want to but I was so angry and insisted so we did.
A few days later I went out with my best friend and we met up with some other girlfriends at a bar restaurant that we sometimes go to. At some point some guys joined our group and I started chatting with one of them. At around midnight everybody sort of left and it was only me and this guy. We talked alot. We drank some more and I went home with him and stayed the night.
He texted me on Monday and we got together one more time. When I called him on Tuesday, the guy was weird and stuff on the phone. And that was it. Also, and this is the huge one, on Tuesday night, I found out that what I accused my boyfriend of was completely false and that the person who told me had an agenda. Just a miserable *itch.
So I called up my boyfriend and told him I wanted to talk. We got together yesterday and I apologized for losing it and told him that I completely over reacted and felt like an idiot. He was not particularly chatty but said that I should trust and believe him when he says things. I did not say anything about the guy I got together with. I feel really ****ty about that. I want my boyfriend to be my everything so I don't want to lie or decieve or anything like that but I don't know if I should say anything.
Should I keep quiet about it or if not, what would be the best way to be honest?
Tell him so he can dump you. Women like you are the reason I don't trust women.
I haven't been here in a while becasue alot has happened. I haven't read all the responses but I've read some. So here is the situation. I did NOT take our "break" to go and sleep with someone. I was angry, I felt hurt, I was with friends, things happened. I know none of this is an excuse. I'm just telling how it was in my head.
As far as my not trusting my boyfriend, I do. I was stupid to believe somebody else. She told me he cheated and I went kind of crazy. Even though I know he is absolutley not that kind of guy, for some reason I reacted very very poorly. I also know this.
Anyway, I think my boyfriend and i are going to be OK. I had a change of heart to the way I was thinking cause I didn't think it would really be fair to him. When we got together yesterday he was really off and wanted to talk and discuss things. Anyway, I asked him if I could go first and he said OK. So I apologized again for not believing him and told him I love him and as gently as I could I told him about what happened. I was expecting all sorts of drama but he surprised me. He was really quiet. He asked me why I would do that and I told him what really is the truth. It just happened and it didn't mean anything. He asked me if i"ve been with anybody else during our time together and I said no (the truth). He asked me if I've ever cheated in the past and I said no. I wanted to take a bit of the sting away so I said that we were on break and that he could have done what he wanted. He didn't like that though and said he did not sleep with anyone and didn't expect that I would.
I asked him if we could put this behind us and go back to being the great couple that we were. It took a long time but he eventually hugged me and I kissed him. So we dropped the subject. But this morning he started with questions and said we should discuss tonight. He asked me who the guy was and who knows about this because he would be like really embarrassed if our friends knew. So we're going to get together later tonight.
But hey, OP keeps us updated. That doesn't happen on every 42 page thread.
I think, the longer the bf thinks about it, the less forgiving he will be. He agreed first - in shock and not realizing - and now he starts thinking. The more he thinks, the worse the outcome for OP.
But maybe I am wrong and they will live happily ever after.
I don't know. I've had these "now that I've thought about it..." talks before. They don't usually end well.
He's been thinking about it all night, and he's realizing what has happened.
I've not had these before, thankfully, but I've also never had that "We should take a break" convo, but if I ever do, from this thread and others similar to it, it's just going to be a break up. Because I know that if there ever were to be a situation like this to happen, it would be from the woman.
But yes, things could still go awry for her. She should still be clinching her butt cheeks, as my old football coach used to say about tough situations.
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