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For most people I know, being on a break from the relationship isn't the same as a "break up" so there can be arguments over whether or not she was truly a single lady. My definition of a break is that it is time apart alone to assess the relationship and to work on your own issues that you are bringint to the relationship, not a time to go out sleeping with others to see if you might like that better. If that's your inkling, just break up.
I guess I just hope this poor guy gets out and finds a like-minded lady if he is ready for something serious. Clearly, this chick isn't ready if she thinks it is better to be dishonest about what happened during a "break" because she would rather not lose him than give him the choice of knowing all the facts and choosing to be with her regardless.
Your first paragraph is exactly what most people think. Myself included. Now a break up, entirely different. Otherwise there would be no "break" just a break up. See how simple this can be when broken down.
If it's not morally wrong, or wrong on any level, then why is she hesitating to tell him? Because he will dump that asz as quickly as the words coming out of her mouth, and she knows this.
She's the one who slept with a random stranger. How is that projecting my own meaning? This is what she did, not me. What are you talking about. If that wasn't what she was wanting to do, then why did she do it so fast? Answer me that smart guy?
Let me guess, she accidently lowered her inhibitions til she got drunk, slipped (while during the slip pulled her panties down) and fell on top of random drunk guy at bar. Hmm, yeah you're right, it's my projecting that caused that.
God, I wondering why I am even bothering posting. Some people clearly just don't get it. It's a moral inquisition. That's it. That's what it boils down to. Clearly anybody can define the word "break" to mean just about anything to serve their need. However, if there are no rules established, most people assume that there will be no other people involved. Whether or not that is true is a case by case setting.
Sleeping with a random stranger doesn't equate to she intended to take the break to sleep with others. You projected your own meaning onto why she took the break.
Just because she slept with others doesn't mean that was her intention for the break she could have done it because she now has the opportunity to do so. It's a tossup it could have been her intention or she could have just taken the opportunity of using her single status.
Going by her posts that she was single and seemingly being dismissive of him sleeping with another the rules were defined or assumed on her part.
This may have been mentioned, but as a practical matter if the relationship she took a break from was sexual and sexually exclusive, isn't there a practical problem? She had sex with someone else, and the break guy doesn't know this and might reasonably assume that given the brevity of the break, she didn't have sex with anyone. Him assuming that isn't wise, I'd agree, but she knows she had body fluid sharing contact someone so there's no doubt for her.
If their prior understanding was that neither would be exposed to additional partners without informing each other, then she needs to tell him before they have sex, or wait until she knows her STD status.
Your first paragraph is exactly what most people think. Myself included. Now a break up, entirely different. Otherwise there would be no "break" just a break up. See how simple this can be when broken down.
If it's not morally wrong, or wrong on any level, then why is she hesitating to tell him? Because he will dump that asz as quickly as the words coming out of her mouth, and she knows this.
Again the only definition that matters is hers and by her definition she was single.
Just because it's not wrong doesn't mean it will be readily accepted as logical often doesn't mesh with emotions. Likely she doesn't tell him because his emotions will negatively affect the outcome she wants. No different than certain sexual acts aren't 'wrong' yet many do not divulge them because they know it will most likely negative affect the outcome they want such as guys not divulging they slept with prostitutes.
It can be both. Being "dumb" does not mean it was not within her rights. It just means it likely was not the best choice for her to have made. However I think the "dumb" things she did are clear - and none of them are sleeping with a guy while single. The "dumbest" thing she did was doubt her boyfriends honesty based on nothing but second or even third hand information. That was her error here - not having sex while single.
I agree with this, well that and going back to him, pretending like she's meant to be with him.
Andd I stalled at post 100 and then skipped to the end. Did the OP ever clarify if she and the BF were on the same page about the break? I don't believe there is one universal definition of a break, and just because she felt single doesn't mean he saw it the same way.
Third, I think that by telling my boyfriend, it would do more harm than good. He really is the one for me and I don't want to hurt him. So I think letting sleeping dogs lie is the best way to go.
First, I know the OP probably isn't coming back and he/she probably wasn't really looking for advice to begin with. But I need to state the obvious on the off chance that someone in a similiar circumstance ever reads this thread. Her third point here completely is nuts. She's basically basing the rest of the relationship on a lie. "He really is the one for me" translates into it's more about what she (thinks she) wants than what is best for him or, for that matter her. "I don't want to hurt him" means I don't want to feel guilty or look like the bad guy in this.
Since secrets don't keep and he will find out about this "dumb" thing (again, provided any of this post was real) he's going to be hurt much worse later. Hell, if she would tell him now, there's a good chance he would be understanding. Don't tell him now and let him find out later and he will be hurt.
The "sleeping dogs" statement is actually real appropiate, though not in the way the OP meant.
Sleeping with a random stranger doesn't equate to she intended to take the break to sleep with others. You projected your own meaning onto why she took the break.
Just because she slept with others doesn't mean that was her intention for the break she could have done it because she now has the opportunity to do so. It's a tossup it could have been her intention or she could have just taken the opportunity of using her single status.
Going by her posts that she was single and seemingly being dismissive of him sleeping with another the rules were defined or assumed on her part.
Do you seriously believe this? SMH!! The lengths of rationale that people are willing to go. Yeah, you are right, she didn't intend to do this, even though she all but admitted it. Her intentions were not really to sleep with some random guy. Yet, she went to a bar with her friends. Got sh t faced, and they left. Meanwhile, she grabbed the first worthy one night stand to sleep with and did so twice. The first one I guess you can try to rationalize it away (although nobody with a head on their shoulders is buying that), but how about the second time. Do you think there was any intention in sleeping with the guy more than once?
I agree with this, well that and going back to him, pretending like she's meant to be with him.
Andd I stalled at post 100 and then skipped to the end. Did the OP ever clarify if she and the BF were on the same page about the break? I don't believe there is one universal definition of a break, and just because she felt single doesn't mean he saw it the same way.
No clarification so it seems it was either defined by both/her or assumed by her part.
No clarification so it seems it was either defined by both/her or assumed by her part.
If you wanted to be clear about your relationship status, would you say "take a break", or something more definitive?
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