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So the reasons seem to be mostly emotional not logical it's either he cares about what she did (bit off why this caring is more than others who are with their SO or about to be), change view of how much she cares, he looks like a chump, it's amoral, and the only logical one to me was it's manipulation (yet that was invalidated when other cases of withholding information to influence decisions are not manipulation).
Bit curious as to why it'd certainly change your view considering I would have imagine quite a lot of guys acknowledge sex and emotions can be compartmentalize or do you somehow feel a right/ownership to her body that you feel she is breaching?
That's your opinion/definition of a break. The only one that matters is the OPs and the break going by her posts suggests that it was defined by both or assumed by her that sleeping with others is acceptable considering how she states she was single and is seemingly dismissive of the notion of him sleeping with others during the break.
That's almost "everybody's" definition of a break. I know many can use the word break to mean free, but it doesn't. Again, breaking up and taking a break are two different things. Not many go on breaks to figure out their relationship just to mess with other people. In that case, the rules for the break should have been established and clear to both sides. However, she knew that she was going to cheat (even said she did it out of spite), so she didn't make any rules and thus allowed him to think that it was something she needed to think about for their relationship. That is manipulative. Everything she went about doing has been pretty manipulative if you ask me. I also think that she only went back to him because the "two night stand" sniffed out someone who wasn't worth it and bailed. Smart guy.
You are a polygamous, if you aren't lying in some of your earlier posts. Your worldview is different than many and honestly doesn't have much bearing in normal reality.
That is a crass ad hominem attempt by you. My opinion on the matter is not affected by the state of my current relationship. At all. Argue against the points being made please - not the person making them. And - as far as I have been led to believe - the term polygamy does not even apply to me. The correct term is Polyamory.
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Originally Posted by supermanpansy
I do know that's what she intended because that is what happened.
You know no such thing at all. Something happening does not mean that something was intented from the outset. You are merely making things up now.
When I went to the shops today - I ended up going to friends house for a drink. That does not mean when I left the house to go to the shops that it was my intention to visit my friend. It was an event that was not intended from the outset and just occoured along the way.
Your attempt to link events with her original attentions here is just a fantasy. The OP made clear in her OP what her motivation and intentions for the break were. Let us stick to those facts rather than simply make stuff up shall we?
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None of what I posted is bait or has anything to do with feminism/feminists. That you conclude such suggests I was correct that your reasoning is mostly emotional not logical.
You're so busy arguing your position, did you even bother reading the title of this thread? If the OP thinks like you do, this thread would be titled, "My boyfriend and I took a break and I did something totally within my rights!"
It can be both. Being "dumb" does not mean it was not within her rights. It just means it likely was not the best choice for her to have made. However I think the "dumb" things she did are clear - and none of them are sleeping with a guy while single. The "dumbest" thing she did was doubt her boyfriends honesty based on nothing but second or even third hand information. That was her error here - not having sex while single.
Though I could have guessed I was correct from your contradictions such as:
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Originally Posted by rationalmale18
your sexual history BEFORE you know someone shouldn't matter.
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Originally Posted by rationalmale18
You can whine all over internet forums that you shouldn't have to be accountable for the people you sleep with and who that affects, but it doesn't change reality.
Seems like being accountable for those one sleeps one and who it affects varies.
It seems more like you just projected your own meaning onto her actions though do tell how her actions simply showed she intended to use this to sleep around especially when she seemingly only slept with one person?
She's the one who slept with a random stranger. How is that projecting my own meaning? This is what she did, not me. What are you talking about. If that wasn't what she was wanting to do, then why did she do it so fast? Answer me that smart guy?
Let me guess, she accidently lowered her inhibitions til she got drunk, slipped (while during the slip pulled her panties down) and fell on top of random drunk guy at bar. Hmm, yeah you're right, it's my projecting that caused that.
God, I wondering why I am even bothering posting. Some people clearly just don't get it. It's a moral inquisition. That's it. That's what it boils down to. Clearly anybody can define the word "break" to mean just about anything to serve their need. However, if there are no rules established, most people assume that there will be no other people involved. Whether or not that is true is a case by case setting.
That's almost "everybody's" definition of a break.
But it is not. That is the issue. It might be YOURS - and you might have somehow formed the opinion that it was a majority view or near majority view - but I see no reason to think it so. You are just assuming.
The terms or meaning of a "break" in fact are likely to be as individual as the people and relationships that are having one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy
I know many can use the word break to mean free, but it doesn't.
No it does not. But it also does not mean "not free" either. Because it does not really "mean" anything. It is a catch all term that people use but the actual meaning of it is defined by the people engaging in it. "BReak" does not mean "free" or "not Free" any more than "sport" means "With a ball" or "without a ball". The meaning of the word is floating and is entirely contextual and situational and subjective.
Which is why any assumption about its meaning is likely to lead to regret.
That's almost "everybody's" definition of a break. I know many can use the word break to mean free, but it doesn't. Again, breaking up and taking a break are two different things. Not many go on breaks to figure out their relationship just to mess with other people. In that case, the rules for the break should have been established and clear to both sides. However, she knew that she was going to cheat (even said she did it out of spite), so she didn't make any rules and thus allowed him to think that it was something she needed to think about for their relationship. That is manipulative. Everything she went about doing has been pretty manipulative if you ask me. I also think that she only went back to him because the "two night stand" sniffed out someone who wasn't worth it and bailed. Smart guy.
Again the only definition of a break that matters is hers. Also again other than you projecting meaning onto her actions which you still haven't provided evidence of nowhere did she state/suggest took the break to sleep with others (sleeping with others is what she did not cheat as she wasn't in a relationship for her to cheat on). Just because she did so out of spite when the opportunity arose doesn't necessarily mean she took the break knowing she was going to sleep with another.
Egh you don't know if she didn't make any rules considering by how she states she was single and is dismissive of the guy doing the same it seems the rules were either defined or assumed. It's a toss up.
For most people I know, being on a break from the relationship isn't the same as a "break up" so there can be arguments over whether or not she was truly a single lady. My definition of a break is that it is time apart alone to assess the relationship and to work on your own issues that you are bringint to the relationship, not a time to go out sleeping with others to see if you might like that better. If that's your inkling, just break up.
I guess I just hope this poor guy gets out and finds a like-minded lady if he is ready for something serious. Clearly, this chick isn't ready if she thinks it is better to be dishonest about what happened during a "break" because she would rather not lose him than give him the choice of knowing all the facts and choosing to be with her regardless.
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