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Breaks are what people in the position of power in the relationship (the person less invested) use to do what they want without guilt and keep their SO on the back burner
Unfortunately, I have too in my younger days, which is why I see this for what it is.
Even then though, I felt like a sleaze ball for it and couldn't keep up the charade.
This is also kind of similar to when you are dating someone. No committment yet, but it seems to be going somewhere. Sure, it's none of your business what the other person is doing, but if you found out he or she was sleeping around with more than just you, it can easily turn you off from wanting to go down the path of exclusivity with that person.
The manipulation is the fact that she asked for a "break" but not for what she was intending it to be. She used it as a way to go have sex twice with some random guy. That is "manipulation" for lack of a better word.
I'll bet she takes many such "breaks" in the future. Some of these breaks may be 8 hour breaks or ones she doesn't actually tell him in advance but she'll find a way to justify it...
I do not think this thread shows any such thing. That is quite a conclusion to extrapolate from - what is it - about 10 active posters on the topic? I think you need a much larger sample set to conclude any such thing.
But even if it was a 90% majority view - anyone who does not clarify the terms of a "break" and simply assumes to know what it entails - is simply being foolish and has only themselves to blame for it coming back to bite them on the ass.
All assumptions are bad, no matter how reasonable.
I get it. Focus on the exception. Focus on man bites dog.
I'll bet she takes many such "breaks" in the future. Some of these breaks may be 8 hour breaks or ones she doesn't actually tell him in advance but she'll find a way to justify it...
Yawn, I stopped reading about 10 pages back. I will say this to Ray Finkle though--name me "all of the women" who are defending her actions. Seems it's pretty evenly divided between the genders with only a couple of very outspoken people defending her and they're also 50% female, 50% male.
If you look at this in a purely logical way, then the conclusion you will come to is that she didn't technically cheat b/c she was "on break" but very few of us think purely logically, esp in matters of the heart, and I doubt her bf will be that logical. If she withholds the info and he finds out later, even 20 years later, it will not go well. And in the interest of fairness, he should have the info before he can make a rational decision about the future of their relationship.
Yawn, I stopped reading about 10 pages back. I will say this to Ray Finkle though--name me "all of the women" who are defending her actions. Seems it's pretty evenly divided between the genders with only a couple of very outspoken people defending her and they're also 50% female, 50% male.
If you look at this in a purely logical way, then the conclusion you will come to is that she didn't technically cheat b/c she was "on break" but very few of us think purely logically, esp in matters of the heart, and I doubt her bf will be that logical. If she withholds the info and he finds out later, even 20 years later, it will not go well. And in the interest of fairness, he should have the info before he can make a rational decision about the future of their relationship.
Can we close this now? This pretty much sums it up without rationalization or emotion. Good wrap up stepka
Yeah, I would be highly upset if my SO "went on a break" based on some faulty information from a "friend" and then proceeded to hop on pop with some random at a bar... twice.
I would have different feelings on this if you were "on a break" because he wanted that, or if it was a mutual thing, but this was made up nonsense that was very avoidable.
Yeah, I would be highly upset if my SO "went on a break" based on some faulty information from a "friend" and then proceeded to hop on pop with some random at a bar... twice.
I would have different feelings on this if you were "on a break" because he wanted that, or if it was a mutual thing, but this was made up nonsense that was very avoidable.
It is in OP's best interest to not tell her BF.
However, in the eyes of the third party (such as CD members), this is obviously morally wrong.
It is like if a bank teller accidentally gives you $300 additional money when you withdraw and you ask online, should I return the money? I could beat around the bush and make the argument that technically, you did no wrong. It was the TELLER who messed up. Therefore it is the TELLER's FAULT.
Thus, it is in your best interest to keep it. However, it is morally wrong in the eyes of most of everyone else.
I would say to conclude the thread: OP should NOT tell her BF.
So what happens when he presses and she's the type that doesn't answer questions about any of her sexual history.
She lies. That's a healthy relationsihp
She refuses to answer and says none of your business. It's then quite obvious something happened and the relationship will be strained.
She tells the truth. Who knows, but good chance it will create issues.
I feel bad for the people that associate with people like you IRL.
I agree with rationalmale18 this is flat out manipulation. Any situation can be manipulated to appear to be manipulation though, as other posters are saying about manipulating something so you get to find out what someone did sexually while single.
She was not single, on a break where it was not discussed if sleeping with other people was ok or not. So now might be the time to say that it did occur. She doesn't want to because he may not want to be with her. That is her decision. Not that it's right or wrong. I think it's manipulative.
If a person asks a question, lying is a manipulation but they weren't apart long enough for it to likely occur to him she did have sex with someone else. So its don't ask don't tell. Maybe she will let us know if it does come out etc. since this thread got so long.
Manipulation: to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.
By either lying, hiding, or whatever you want to call what she did on this break, (Not her entire sexual history, that is irrelevant and a distration to the point) she is influencing his decision in an unfair manner. This is textbook manipulation
She's withholding information to make the outcome what SHE wants. Manipulative all the way.
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