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I've had 2 long term relationships that afterwards we became friends. In one we dated young and we're together got almost 6 yrs, now fast forward his wife was not comfortable with him texting me ( known for 10 yrs) fine I'm ok with that. The last one was hard and we were together for 2.5 yrs and I cut ties with him after his gf moved in. We knew each other for 4 years, just too much drama that is not necessary
Mainly I just can't see giving your power away to please an ex bf and his new gf. Take control of your life and don't let him OR his gf make ultimatums. Call his bluff and let them deal w/ their own BS..
I would meet her, out of politeness. I would also write his number on paper in case of emergency, delete it from my phone to avoid accidental texts, and tell him that I think we should not check in until she is feeling more comfortable.
I would also anticipate that she will never feel comfortable, has major issues, and eventually he will break up with her over her jealousy. But I would not want to be in the picture when that happens. We can resume our friendship some time later if we want to.
(BTW, I do not date people who are not friends with their ex's, because IME that is a red flag for even worse drama than described here.)
I disagree that she's psycho. IMO the simple fact that OP does not want to meet her is a red flag. If they are truly friends, why wouldn't she want to meet her friend's SO? I also find the "unfinished business" a red flag, and we have no details as to what gf discovered in Op and bf's e-mails to each other that led her to become concerned. I personally can't imagine a "friend" saying his gf wanted to meet me and not wanting to, unless I felt jealous of her. IMO all friends should be able to become mutual friends with their SO's friends, if they must be kept separate there is something wrong.
I disagree that she's psycho. IMO the simple fact that OP does not want to meet her is a red flag. If they are truly friends, why wouldn't she want to meet her friend's SO? I also find the "unfinished business" a red flag, and we have no details as to what gf discovered in Op and bf's e-mails to each other that led her to become concerned. I personally can't imagine a "friend" saying his gf wanted to meet me and not wanting to, unless I felt jealous of her. IMO all friends should be able to become mutual friends with their SO's friends, if they must be kept separate there is something wrong.
The whole situation reads like unfinished drama from both ends.
There is probably more going on here than anyone is going to readily admit.
None of it requires a face to face meeting If it's THAT important.
I think she just wants to be included in the friendship, which IMO is a totally appropriate request in an exclusive relationship.
I would agree if ultimatums where not being thrown around. That is beyond I just want to be friends, that is "I'm fed up about something" and want it my way or no way at all.
If they need to work through their break up to finally move on from one another so they can Stop being in limbo about the friendship, her and the ex need to schedule a sit down and work it out.
The rest will work itself out from that point on. Everyone will know where they others chips lay and a clear direction will have presented itself.
At that point introduce the new girl and get to know her if it's decided the friendship is going to continue.
I disagree that she's psycho. IMO the simple fact that OP does not want to meet her is a red flag. If they are truly friends, why wouldn't she want to meet her friend's SO? I also find the "unfinished business" a red flag, and we have no details as to what gf discovered in Op and bf's e-mails to each other that led her to become concerned. I personally can't imagine a "friend" saying his gf wanted to meet me and not wanting to, unless I felt jealous of her. IMO all friends should be able to become mutual friends with their SO's friends, if they must be kept separate there is something wrong.
Sorry, but she's demanding to meet the OP and the ex is coming to the OP issuing ultimatums.
I can see wanting to meet a boyfriend's friends--all of them, male or female. I can also see that if a man avoids introducing female friends to a girlfriend, something is hinky.
But this little ultimatum the ex is issuing the OP, about meet her or we're not friends anymore? That is very transparently from the new girlfriend. She has probably told the guy "I meet her or you can't be her friend anymore." And that is psycho behavior.
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