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He's clearly obsessed with you and hasn't been honest to you or to her.
"Visitors" isn't synonymous to "GF." He obviously views her as an worthless object.
You have unfinished business with him. Say the roles switched, and you are dating a new guy who's hunting his ex down like crazy.. you being the new GF, how you would feel if you were kept in the dark?
And, he texted he you misses you during Valentines? Yet, they've been together since October 2013. This isn't about you being played. Seems quite the opposite.
In fact, sounds like he's manipulating both of you. First, telling you to meet or "or if" (threatening you- I'm assuming he knows you're still emotionally dependent on him) "or if you don't meet her, we can't stay in touch" yet he's the one intercepting your dog walk to talk to you? If he really did have a mental illness that required your special attention, wouldn't he not want to threaten you?
It's like he's trying to game her into meeting you and making it seem like things are easy peasey between you two in case you don't want him back, she's his fallback girl but he wants to create this "illusion" that nothing's going on, yet clearly, he REALLY can't let go of you like a boob to a nipple. He really should direct a movie about this- undying unrequited love!
He did, last week, tell me he had a GF. But yeah, if as you say, i were her, i'd probably be saying "see ya". End Sept is when we split (and 3 weeks before that as i found out after the fact, he'd contacted her on an online dating site). They didn't get together until end Nov, from what i NOW understand and he just last week confessed that he had a "gf'. Yes, if i were her, i would be pissed too, HOWEVER, i am not the freaky ex gf trying to get him, i have not done anything wrong or out of line. I have done nothing untoward, yet I am being issued the ultimatum, a few days after not replying to her text message, THIS is what i have an issue with. He does have mental illness, that when in full flight, is heartbreaking to witness.
As far as movies about unrequited love, i think those are a dime a dozen... , wouldn't get much mileage from that on the Hollywood blockbuster front...
Damn this dude is sounding pretty crazy.. As much as the tiny little part of me thinks the new girl could do with the "info".. I think it's kind of backhanded to give up dirt on an ex to their new (or any potential) partner.... It's his issue, not yours. Keep that stress at bay. Good luck!
Perhaps, however i don't appreciate being given an ultimatum a few days after, and perhaps because i hadn't yet responded to, a text message from her, that in no way shape or form implied that if i didn't respond there would be consequences. In fact, she was quiet happy to tell me about how he had complained about me and give an example of that.
If she was snooping around in his phone or computer it would make a huge difference. It would be more evidence of her being a psycho.
That's nuts, maybe he isn't trustworthy. OP still hasn't said what was found, but has admitted she was fine with their friendship before that. If you read the texts, does she sound angry or psycho to you? She asked to be"aquainted" with OP, that doesn't sound psycho to me. I still don't get OP's reluctance to just meet.
You are way too worried/defensive about whether YOU did anything wrong.
She may not be asking to meet she thinks you did anything wrong. Say she found out he cheated on other girlfriends in the past or something, so now she wants everything he does to be above board to feel comfortable. So she wants to met you. It's not that you did anyhting wrong. It may be something similar driving her request.
In any case, this is a lot of drama. Really the question is... is it worth it?
1. If you want to stay friendly with him, (keep exchanging the ocassional text messages and maybe grab a coffeee every once and a while) then meet her. That is your only choice according to the two of them.
2. If you don't really care about all that, then don't meet her. Arrange for him to pay you back via checks sent in the mail and if you need to reach him, do it via email where you can copy her, or send a letter to his house.
That's the bottom line. Stop stressing over what she thinks about you and why. It doesn't matter. That's her problem, and his. Not yours, so don't make it yours by wasting energy on it.
He did, last week, tell me he had a GF. But yeah, if as you say, i were her, i'd probably be saying "see ya". End Sept is when we split (and 3 weeks before that as i found out after the fact, he'd contacted her on an online dating site). They didn't get together until end Nov, from what i NOW understand and he just last week confessed that he had a "gf'. Yes, if i were her, i would be pissed too, HOWEVER, i am not the freaky ex gf trying to get him, i have not done anything wrong or out of line. I have done nothing untoward, yet I am being issued the ultimatum, a few days after not replying to her text message, THIS is what i have an issue with. He does have mental illness, that when in full flight, is heartbreaking to witness.
As far as movies about unrequited love, i think those are a dime a dozen... , wouldn't get much mileage from that on the Hollywood blockbuster front...
You most certainly are holding onto someone who's not honest with himself or with you, so the never ending saga will continue. Saying that you feel like the "victim" like you're being "bullied" doesn't make sense when you're the one reaching out to him for his sister's gifts his mom didn't want to pass down onto her and so now you want it. It's like you want it however way, whichever way you want with this guy, because you know you can like "Yo, WTF, when you gonna get me that stuff?" You in all consciousness also have the will to say "I have the power to walk away," and take his butt to small claims court if you really need to collect cash.
Why are you issued an ultimatum if you're not in a relationship with him, even if not emotionally?
He's playing the "Or IF" card on you like you need him and he knows it. And, if this is as impersonal as a few text messages here and there, how come you're so worked up about it? If it were me, I'd be like "okay, whatever. Go have your drama. C-ya!" Seems like there's more to the story...
Sounds like you can't let go nor can he. Who knows what lies he's telling you and to her when he's CLEARLY lying to himself.
And, at this point there's not much to reconcile with the fact these people all have some sort of emotional attachment issues.
Nobody wants to be played. Mental illness isn't an excuse to mistreat people. If that's what you need to realize about unfinished business then I hope that keeps your mind at peace, because his behavior is more indicative of character than it is mental illness unless he's a complete sociopath or has been delusional and manic for over quite some period of time. More like obsessed and emotionally co-dependent.
Sounds like you can't let go nor can he. Who knows what lies he's telling you and to her when he's CLEARLY lying to himself.
And, at this point there's not much to reconcile with the fact these people all have some sort of emotional attachment issues.
Nobody wants to be played. Mental illness isn't an excuse to mistreat people. If that's what you need to realize about unfinished business then I hope that keeps your mind at peace, because his behavior is more indicative of character than it is mental illness unless he's a complete sociopath or has been delusional and manic for over quite some period of time. More like obsessed and emotionally co-dependent.
He sounds like one of my husband's ex-girlfriends.
You most certainly are holding onto someone who's not honest with himself or with you, so the never ending saga will continue. Saying that you feel like the "victim" like you're being "bullied" doesn't make sense when you're the one reaching out to him for his sister's gifts his mom didn't want to pass down onto her and so now you want it. It's like you want it however way, whichever way you want with this guy, because you know you can like "Yo, WTF, when you gonna get me that stuff?" You in all consciousness also have the will to say "I have the power to walk away," and take his butt to small claims court if you really need to collect cash.
Why are you issued an ultimatum if you're not in a relationship with him, even if not emotionally?
He's playing the "Or IF" card on you like you need him and he knows it. And, if this is as impersonal as a few text messages here and there, how come you're so worked up about it? If it were me, I'd be like "okay, whatever. Go have your drama. C-ya!" Seems like there's more to the story...
Sounds like you can't let go nor can he. Who knows what lies he's telling you and to her when he's CLEARLY lying to himself.
And, at this point there's not much to reconcile with the fact these people all have some sort of emotional attachment issues.
Nobody wants to be played. Mental illness isn't an excuse to mistreat people. If that's what you need to realize about unfinished business then I hope that keeps your mind at peace, because his behavior is more indicative of character than it is mental illness unless he's a complete sociopath or has been delusional and manic for over quite some period of time. More like obsessed and emotionally co-dependent.
The Gift is for me, not his sister. His mum told me when last i spoke to her, that she would give it to either the Sister or my ex when either of them happened to visit her, to pass on to me, as she lives away from the city and isn't well so not likely to be coming to town anytime soon. The ex told me his sister had seen his mum and gotten the gift she had for me. I do not see the sister and live nowhere near her so asked if it would be alright if he could get it, so he could either leave it for me, or i could pick it up.
And yes, i do feel like i am being bulldozed, because as i said, our contact is minimal and i don't see how such infrequent contact warrants such an extreme reaction, i'm not chasing him down screaming i want you back, nor making demands of "when you gonna get me that stuff", or calling him up at all hours of the night, none of that!. One minute there's no problem, the next i'm being told, the GF wants to meet me or it's no contact, seems extreme. Whatever she has found about him, is about HIM, so what's it got to do with me? If he had simply told me that she'd like to meet me some time, then fine, but that's not the deal - it's a demand with a timeline, which makes me go wtf? Even if i were just a friend (as in that's what i'd always been and not an ex), i'd be thinking wtf is THAT all about? I don't know why i'm being given that ultimatum, my nose is clean as far as i'm concerned. It's like there's some weird little power play over "something" that was found out about him, and for reason's i've not been privy to, i somehow factor into it.
I actually do wonder if he's somewhat sociopathic, i know narcissism runs in the family for sure. It'll be my first time encountering it, if that's what's in the mix too.
if it was just an off hand "oh, btw, such and such wouldn't mind meeting you, or the next time we catch up i'll bring the gf so you can meet her", it wouldn't be urking me so much but it's not, it's a "btw, the gf isn't feeling comfortable about our friendship, she found something out about my past, says she'd be ok if she met you (why, so she can size me up or try to get info on him, either way that'd just bring me more trouble than it's worth, and besides what's HIS past and what she's found out got to do with me) so if we're to remain in contact then it has to be before or the next time we meet..
I just don't like being essentially told that someone seems to've developed a problem with me (or maybe it's more a trust issue with him, idk) for what reason i don't know, and now someone who i have a history with and that i've made no moves to try and get back with at all (which she'd know through reading through our private and prior to her being in the picture messages, isn't allowed to talk to me.
That's nuts, maybe he isn't trustworthy. OP still hasn't said what was found, but has admitted she was fine with their friendship before that. If you read the texts, does she sound angry or psycho to you? She asked to be"aquainted" with OP, that doesn't sound psycho to me. I still don't get OP's reluctance to just meet.
I suppose that's if she even KNEW he was still in contact with me, maybe she wasn't, until the snooping? In which case he's been untrustworthy with her.
She did mention in her text a few days before the ultimatum that was issued, that she'd discovered that in the initial stages of them being together (which i was unaware of, he made out like he'd had a few random dates and no one special/exlusive on the scene, until he admitted a week ago, he was seeing someone), that i was supporting him (not entirely sure if she means financially - i did the right thing and made sure my share of the rent and then some was taken care of when i moved out and also contributed to bills that came in, until i was happy he could manage, or also as in helping him navigate getting through stuff he was unable to) but why THAT would be a reason to have issue with me, i don't know. I truly cannot think of anything, that would give her reason to think i am a threat.
If it were just a case of "by the way, the next time we catch up i'll bring the gf so you can meet it'd be a different story, but this is a demand/ultimatum with a "it must be done this way and if you don't, we're not in contact anymore", which to me, is a bit harsh and extreme, considering it's something she found out about HIS past and i feel like her motives aren't altogether altruistic.
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, wouldn't get much mileage from that on the Hollywood blockbuster front...
