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Sorry, but she's demanding to meet the OP and the ex is coming to the OP issuing ultimatums.
I can see wanting to meet a boyfriend's friends--all of them, male or female. I can also see that if a man avoids introducing female friends to a girlfriend, something is hinky.
But this little ultimatum the ex is issuing the OP, about meet her or we're not friends anymore? That is very transparently from the new girlfriend. She has probably told the guy "I meet her or you can't be her friend anymore." And that is psycho behavior.
Yes, but it is not coming out of nowhere, it is based on communications the gf found between OP and ex that has caused her concern, and which OP has conveniently avoided explaining what they were about, nor has she explained what "unfinished business" between she and ex really means. GF was apparently fine with their friendship until she found these things. Maybe OP was trying ti get ex back or talking gf down in the communications, it is clearly not a typical "friendship" at least for OP, who states herself she still feels some bitterness with how she was treated by ex. That's not a basis for friendship in my world, and I suspect OP really wants more than that.
It actually sounds like gf is being quite nice about it, and it is OP who is going out of her way to avoid meeting her, and I have to wonder why. It certainly doesn't sound like she s in a jealous rage or wanting to confront OP:
"So… what do you do when your ex, who has been contacting you, caught up a few times and wanting to catch up on a regular basis, suddenly tells you that his current gf found something out about his past and is uncomfortable with your friendship, that she has said she’d be ok with it if we were to become acquainted, however for he and i to remain in contact, that would have to happen before or on, the next time we caught up.
I had already gotten a text message from her, which blew me away, saying she’d found some stuff out that worried her about him and she was open to conversation/information,
Yes, but it is not coming out of nowhere, it is based on communications the gf found between OP and ex that has caused her concern, and which OP has conveniently avoided explaining what they were about, nor has she explained what "unfinished business" between she and ex really means. GF was apparently fine with their friendship until she found these things. Maybe OP was trying ti get ex back or talking gf down in the communications, it is clearly not a typical "friendship" at least for OP, who states herself she still feels some bitterness with how she was treated by ex. That's not a basis for friendship in my world, and I suspect OP really wants more than that.
And how did the GF find the communications? Snooping?
Regardless, if the OP's ex has a new GF, it's time to write him off. I wouldn't bother with him at this point, myself.
Which brings us back to whether you think the GF is psycho or not, it's his relationship and his problem.
And how did the GF find the communications? Snooping?
Regardless, if the OP's ex has a new GF, it's time to write him off. I wouldn't bother with him at this point, myself.
Which brings us back to whether you think the GF is psycho or not, it's his relationship and his problem.
We don't know, as OP has avoided filling in details. What difference would that make, anyway?
If you look at thread title, it sounds like ex who is giving the ultimatum if you want to call it that, gf is simply setting a boundary as she has every right to. Ex is choosing her wants and needs over OP's, which is exactly how it should be.
To everyone that has posted, a quick thank you for your inputs.
1: What is an alpha widow?
2:Re "How would you feel if your bf was hanging with his ex, and you asked to be included, and they both said "no"?"
- We don't "hang out" - he and i BARELY have any contact, which as i said, is minimal at best and 99.9% via TEXT. I know it wasn't a problem before, in fact she thought it was great that he was still in touch with his ex/exes, that aspect of him seemed to appeal to her. It wasn't a problem before, so i don't understand why it's a problem now and what she has found out about HIM and HIS past, has to do with me, or why it's turned his contact with me into a problem. I am not a threat.
As for the "to be included, and they both said no"
- as i said, we don't "hang out" and i have NOT said no at all, neither has he.
Tbh i wasn't adverse to it and was considering it, until given the ultimatum of meet or cease all communication, a few days after receiving the text from her. I am NOT the enemy and i don't know why, when it's something to do with what she found out about HIM from snooping in his facebook and old dating site account, it makes her uncomfortable with ME). I was VERY surprised when i got her text and more so when i got his. I simply don't see what the point is, in meeting her ON DEMAND, and if i don't fall into line with the timeline, all contact will cease when it's something to do with HIM, they should sort that out between them. Demanding no contact with me, i think, will not solve their trust issues. I feel like i'm being played, used an leverage for some sort of issues between THEM.
We don't know, as OP has avoided filling in details. What difference would that make, anyway?
If you look at thread title, it sounds like ex who is giving the ultimatum if you want to call it that, gf is simply setting a boundary as she has every right to. Ex is choosing her wants and needs over OP's, which is exactly how it should be.
If she was snooping around in his phone or computer it would make a huge difference. It would be more evidence of her being a psycho.
"We don't know, as OP has avoided filling in details. What difference would that make, anyway?
If you look at thread title, it sounds like ex who is giving the ultimatum if you want to call it that, gf is simply setting a boundary as she has every right to. Ex is choosing her wants and needs over OP's, which is exactly how it should be"
- I just don't understand why it is such an issue NOW or WHY. It wasn't before, she had no problem and he had no problem with it. They've been together 6 months, i have not been calling him relentlessly in that time, in fact i don't call him at all - he calls me, which most of the time i miss or don't hear and don't bother calling back, i have not been trying to set up catch ups, i have not done the crazy stalking ex screaming i want you back!, or trash talking the new girl. I have been doing my own thing, our contact is nothing more than the infrequent text here and there, and mine usually in response to something he has sent me. It seems a bit of an extreme reaction to me, over such minimal contact and something that has been found out about HIS past. He wasn't the greatest boyfriend to me, which she would also know, if she has been in his Facebook account and reading his messages, so again, wouldn't that show there is nothing to worry about, on her end?
He may still have feelings for you.. (Or she assumes he does bc she read those old messages..) That' why she feels threatened. But if you don't even see him as it is, I wouldn't start now under these circumstances. Seeing an old flame can arouse alot of unexpected emotions, so be careful, she's testing you both for reactions.. I think your ex will keep in touch w/ you either way, eventually, lol, so I wouldn't worry about that part...lol
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