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So… what do you do when your ex, who has been contacting you, caught up a few times and wanting to catch up on a regular basis, suddenly tells you that his current gf found something out about his past and is uncomfortable with your friendship, that she has said she’d be ok with it if we were to become acquainted, however for he and i to remain in contact, that would have to happen before or on, the next time we caught up.
I had already gotten a text message from her, which blew me away, saying she’d found some stuff out that worried her about him and she was open to conversation/information, however i didn’t replay straight away as i was thrown for a loop to be honest and was trying to figure out how i felt about the contact, surely whatever issues are between them should stay exactly that. This text was a few days ago, i text my ex tonight to ask about a gift his mother had given his sister to pass on, and if he could get it and i could get it from him (i'm not in contact with her) and the response i first detailed in this message is what i got. Wtf? Seriously, the contact between he and i is sporadic at best, and mostly via text, there is nothing to it so i don’t understand why this all of a sudden.
The only thing i can think of, is that she thinks i am a threat and i’ve no idea where that come from…because as i said, it's sporadic contact at best and i've not been doing the "oh i miss you, come back, let's try again" thing at all. I am not the one suggesting we catch up etc. The only thing i can think of, is that (and this is from what she said in her text to me), that she'd found out about some stuff from his past....from okcupid/facebook stalking, and tbh, some of the info she detailed, she would only know if she had read the private messages between he and i, in facebook, some of which expressed my wish for what i had hoped would happen as a result of our breakup.
The next thing i know, on contacting him about the gift, is that for us to remain in contact, the proviso is meeting her. I just don't get what the hell game the two of them are playing, nor why i seem to be the pawn in the middle when i'm just sitting over here minding my own business with the very infrequent text message, which is usually in response to one he has sent me.
I did accidentally send him a text one night about beer, which i meant for a friend.. and yes, it WAS an accident, not an on purpose accident, he replied to it straight away and i ignored it, hoping he'd just forget about it, it was late at night, then i get another text the next day, asking if i'm ok and saying that he worries about me. I replied yes.. why? Next think i know he's calling me, then again the following day, i didn't hear one and missed the other. Then another text asking me if i know how much my "..." action drives him crazy. (those 3 dots people put after sentences)... i mean wtf?
One or two text messages go back, with the last one being from him, THEN the next day i get a call from him, wanting to clear up the confusion about the text messages and while on that phone call he arranges to meet me out dog walking. His girlfriend was there when he called me, or at least was, on the tail end of the call...
We did end up catching up, nothing untoward. I think there is still a lot of unfinished business between us, not necessarily in terms of reconciliation, but in working through the breakup, it was a bit messy & he seems to want to be friends, genuinely and make up for being such a sh*t to me, doing things the wrong way towards the end. I put up with a lot in our relationship and supported him A LOT, through a LOT of bad stuff, which he acknowledges.
Then i get this - the text from the gf and the ultimatum from him that unless i meet her because she's unhappy with our friendship (what little he and i have) then we are not to be in contact, according to him, they discussed things and agreed on that. I can't believe that he has so easily agreed to it, and potentially will just cut me out, just like that. They've been together since, i think Oct last year (2013) and there was never a problem. I feel a little bullied and and also hurt, tbh... i have done nothing wrong or untoward and now i'm being made to feel like i'm a problem and being discarded like an old piece of gum stuck to a shoe.
Just tell her there's no reason to meet because nothing is going on. The end.
If your ex can't handle the situation, that's his problem. You don't need to be in contact with him anyway. Don't waste time with jerks or crazy people.
Sounds like she wants to start a fight. I doubt she would want to meet you to make sure nothing's going on and then allow you both to continue talking to each other. Seems she wants access to you to dish out a beat down or set you up as a frenemy. Can you envision any scenario where she has no problem with your presence in his life? If you can, go for it. Go all the way. Invite her to lunch at a public place. Try to share your mutual disgust of men. Nothing says non threat than two women bonding over food, shopping and a mutual disappointment with the male species.
If she's really resistant to the both of you talking, this is something that can be resolved between the both of them, though.
Last edited by Shankapotomus; 03-30-2014 at 08:31 AM..
So… what do you do when your ex, who has been contacting you, caught up a few times and wanting to catch up on a regular basis, suddenly tells you that his current gf found something out about his past and is uncomfortable with your friendship, that she has said she’d be ok with it if we were to become acquainted, however for he and i to remain in contact, that would have to happen before or on, the next time we caught up.
I stopped reading here. Sometimes being BFF with your ex doesn't work out.
Just tell her there's no reason to meet because nothing is going on. The end.
If your ex can't handle the situation, that's his problem. You don't need to be in contact with him anyway. Don't waste time with jerks or crazy people.
I agree with this, there's nothing good that will come of meeting her. If you keep in contact with him and they break up somehow she'll find a way to blame you for it. If you meet with her and tell her stuff about your previous relationship with your ex and they break up, he will blame you for it. They need to work through their own issues, don't innocently step in the middle of it. The only thing I'd tell both of them is that you're okay with not having contact with him, there's nothing else that you need to say to either of them.
Cut all contact. There's no reason to stay in touch - no children or properties together.
Don't get yourself involved anymore, it seems like the GF likes drama.
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