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Okay, so several have mentioned that if you're not working then you should do all the housework. I don't understand why this is considering the 'stay-at-home-spouse' isn't a housekeeper. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm hardly domestic and I say I probably do 60% of the chores but hubby sure as heck didn't marry me to be his maid. He married me to be his mate. (maid vs mate ... cute play-on words, huH? heehee) For example, if I make dinner, hubby washes the dishes. We alternate on who washes the clothes. Cleaning is done once a month or so and both of us split it, daily-type cleaning I take care of. So by y'alls standards, I'm using my husband? Man, that's harsh!
I'm interested to hear about what people's perceptions of stay-at-home spouses (no children) are.
This is a spouse who stays at home (when there are no children), while the other spouse works, either because there is no financial need for that person to work or because he or she doesn't want to.
For instance, take a newly married, young couple where the husband is a corporate lawyer and the wife was a preschool teacher. Because the wife makes in a day what the husband makes in 15 minutes, the wife decides to quit her job and stay home, even though they don't plan to have kids for many years. The wife just doesn't think it's worth her time to work given that the husband's salary supports them both well.
Or, perhaps the stay-at-home spouse never found a career/job passion and instead would rather just to what he or she feels like doing, whether it's working on hobbies all day, reading, or whatever.
Is the stay-at-home spouse considered lazy? If there is no financial need for them to work, should they do so anyway? Or is contributing in some way to society acceptable (i.e. volunteer work). Must the stay-at-home spouse contribute in an equal way to the home through chores? If so, how can you judge what an acceptable contribution would be? Or do you think it's okay for the stay-at-home spouse to just do whatever he or she wants, and have fun, while the other spouse is working.
I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on this.
Hi,
As far as the couple is concerned, whatever works for them works for me. If the working spouse is happy with the at-home spouse just having fun, who am I to object? I don't think the at-home spouse should be bossed around and worked to a frenzy, but I think they should make an effort to keep the house running (like bill-paying, cleaning, arranging for contractors, as needed, taking pets to the vet, etc., whatever they work out).
I think that if someone is at-home with no job and no kids, for their own sake, they probably will want to get involved in something - volunteer, take classes, take up hobbies, etc. But if they just want to meet up with friends at the Neiman Marcus Cafe every day, who am I to say that's wrong? [trust me, I know tons of these types - the "society" types].
What other people think ... hard to say. If the at-home spouse walks with a sense of purpose, I really don't think people think twice about it. If they are sleeping in all day, languishing, wearing the same sweats for 10 days in a row, people will judge, worry, etc. If the other spouse is going to family, co-workers, etc. and rolling his/her eyes saying "he/she is driving me crazy" - then you're really running into a bad situation that needs to be worked out.
Okay, so several have mentioned that if you're not working then you should do all the housework. I don't understand why this is considering the 'stay-at-home-spouse' isn't a housekeeper. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm hardly domestic and I say I probably do 60% of the chores but hubby sure as heck didn't marry me to be his maid. He married me to be his mate. (maid vs mate ... cute play-on words, huH? heehee) For example, if I make dinner, hubby washes the dishes. We alternate on who washes the clothes. Cleaning is done once a month or so and both of us split it, daily-type cleaning I take care of. So by y'alls standards, I'm using my husband? Man, that's harsh!
Hi Forma, good to see you to, you HAVE no idea....hehe...just found out some very good news yesterday...
anyway, your situation sounds fair....and as long as both of you are happy with what is happening, fine...
and no, your not a maid...but, you share in marriage, what you share in life together, and both should be prepared to help each other out....
You see, I'm a bit stale about it b/c all to often I see spouses who do not work while the other one is working and not lifting a finger to help out...like, and sorry to say this, but my DIL....or my neighbors mate. They're spouses work, and come home and work, take out the trash, do laundry, run the vacumn, run out and get groceries, and then make dinner to boot...very unappreciative of the other mate, using the other mate and taking advantage of them. Then to boot, they have the nerve to expect diamonds, and label clothes for gifts, and are offended if anything else is purchased and act out. My DIL's car started acting up, so she acted nuts, and guess what, she knows my son will buy her a new car, and did....unacceptable...and also, why would anyone work all day and accept coming home from work and having to do all that work as well?
I've also seen women with careers who do not want to be housewives, they travel and yet, they have children...unfair in my book? But that's just me,and I'm surely not always right.
Hi Forma, good to see you to, you HAVE no idea....hehe...just found out some very good news yesterday...
anyway, your situation sounds fair....and as long as both of you are happy with what is happening, fine...
and no, your not a maid...but, you share in marriage, what you share in life together, and both should be prepared to help each other out....
Good news? Do share! Or, I'll just say, "Congrats!"
I definitely do not believe in being just a FREELOADER, and I am definitely not like your DIL and since I control the finances (which I'm pretty good at ... at least better than hubby!) I can do just about anything I want but of course I don't because we have a mutual trust for each other. I don't feel entitled to anything that's for sure and I'm hardly one of those society types. I appreciate everything hubby does and he expresses the same to me. I guess our opinions just goes to show how different it can be based on our own experiences. I see why you have your viewpoints considering how your DIL treats your son. That can be hard, I'm sure, but I promise you this DIL (me) is nothing like that. Happy Saturday!
Good news? Do share! Or, I'll just say, "Congrats!"
I definitely do not believe in being just a FREELOADER, and I am definitely not like your DIL and since I control the finances (which I'm pretty good at ... at least better than hubby!) I can do just about anything I want but of course I don't because we have a mutual trust for each other. I don't feel entitled to anything that's for sure and I'm hardly one of those society types. I appreciate everything hubby does and he expresses the same to me. I guess our opinions just goes to show how different it can be based on our own experiences. I see why you have your viewpoints considering how your DIL treats your son. That can be hard, I'm sure, but I promise you this DIL (me) is nothing like that. Happy Saturday!
Bingo, see, that little thing called mutual trust and or mutual respect and appreciation for the other...makes it a whole different ball game, yanno.
HaH, my son works 3 jobs...and, when we went grocery shopping, she says, where's the soda? She plays dumb, but is smart as a tack....and there are a lot of spouses who do this...that is not only being lazy, but surely hijacking life from your spouse....and they don't have time for quality time for themselves, or to simply be alone and just sit for a few hours to soul search, or any hobbies...which can quickly stress them out and stress can cause some real major health problems...mental and physical. Everything my son does, lives and breaths is for his wife and/or family and for some reason, doesn't feel like he deserves more...and she charges and charges...and that is soooooo unfair and wrong and actually stealing from your spouse....and anyone who does that, is wrong, and self centered.
Now, everyone also goes thru lazy times...I'm talking the extreme here, where one is giving everything and the other is contribiting nothing....
There is nothing wrong with a spouse staying at home while the other works, as long as both spouses are in agreement with it. The only problem I could see is if the stay-at-home spouse just laid around all day long watching TV. But really, it's between the couple.
I've been a SAHM for 18 years, and I do love it. My dh has always wanted me to be at home until our youngest is out of high school, too. Our youngest is only 4, so it will be a long time before I go back to work, he won't be out of high school for another 14 years. I will probably get a part-time job once he finishes school. I'm certainly kept busy, I do most of the cooking/cleaning/shopping/mowing/gardening. I do all the house-painting as well, including most of the exterior. I am a bargain, just imagine how much it would cost my dh to pay someone else to do all that work.
There is nothing wrong with a spouse staying at home while the other works, as long as both spouses are in agreement with it. The only problem I could see is if the stay-at-home spouse just laid around all day long watching TV. But really, it's between the couple.
I've been a SAHM for 18 years, and I do love it. My dh has always wanted me to be at home until our youngest is out of high school, too. Our youngest is only 4, so it will be a long time before I go back to work, he won't be out of high school for another 14 years. I will probably get a part-time job once he finishes school. I'm certainly kept busy, I do most of the cooking/cleaning/shopping/mowing/gardening. I do all the house-painting as well, including most of the exterior. I am a bargain, just imagine how much it would cost my dh to pay someone else to do all that work.
Good for you, and your the reason, the relationship is probably flourishing...
not to mention, your mature, and understand the importance of respect and loving appreciation.
There is nothing wrong with a spouse staying at home while the other works, as long as both spouses are in agreement with it. The only problem I could see is if the stay-at-home spouse just laid around all day long watching TV. But really, it's between the couple.
I've been a SAHM for 18 years, and I do love it. My dh has always wanted me to be at home until our youngest is out of high school, too. Our youngest is only 4, so it will be a long time before I go back to work, he won't be out of high school for another 14 years. I will probably get a part-time job once he finishes school. I'm certainly kept busy, I do most of the cooking/cleaning/shopping/mowing/gardening. I do all the house-painting as well, including most of the exterior. I am a bargain, just imagine how much it would cost my dh to pay someone else to do all that work.
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I think as long as both are okay with it you should do whatever works for you. Also sometimes tax wise it doesnt pay for the second spouse to work.
Personally I feel that taking care of the house and yard and all the other things involved is a job. Its not womens work its a job period. If you both have full time jobs then this job should be shared. If you dont work then thats your job. So if I worked and my husband didnt I would expect a clean house and dinner on the table.
Well, I agree with the majority on here who seem to believe each couple should simply figure out what works best for them. As a man, I have no problem with washing my own clothes. In fact, I pretty much prefer it to be that way. Maybe I've lived ALONE for too long?? What I have experienced, and what I have a huge dis-like for, (and is probably going to be a problem), is this situation of (men or women), who, for whatever reason, cannot seem to leave their job at their job. They'll sit up and rant about this and that concerning their job. They will bring home a mountain of paperwork pertaining to their job. Their spouse tries to speak to them about something, and forget it. They are busy with their JOB, even though they left work hours ago. I think some of you might know what I'm talking about here. I guess what I'm saying, is that each person should try to have the type of employment, or non-employment they choose. But for your partners sake, please leave the job AT the job!
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