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And what makes you think she doesn't do the things she enjoys and have a nice life? I don't know a whole lot of women who feel so passionate about their jobs that they can't live without them given a choice.
Passionate about shopping, sleeping in, watching TV, staying up late...
Or
Passionate about volenteering, working with the community, painting, gardening....
I was talking about how if the person staying home will be filling their days with the 1st list.. its a waste imo.
If they do things like the second list.. then yes.. that is a life.
I just do not see the point in waking up everyday.. having to freedom to be totally selfish (and not helping anyone ~ as in volenteering may make someone feel great about themselves so there for it is a selfish act... if you get what I mean..... LMAO I am putting way too much thought into this) Laying around watching Oprah or DOING something you are passionate about... which sounds like a better life?
Passionate about shopping, sleeping in, watching TV, staying up late...
Or
Passionate about volenteering, working with the community, painting, gardening....
I was talking about how if the person staying home will be filling their days with the 1st list.. its a waste imo.
If they do things like the second list.. then yes.. that is a life.
I just do not see the point in waking up everyday.. having to freedom to be totally selfish (and not helping anyone ~ as in volenteering may make someone feel great about themselves so there for it is a selfish act... if you get what I mean..... LMAO I am putting way too much thought into this) Laying around watching Oprah or DOING something you are passionate about... which sounds like a better life?
Just my 5 cents
I just think that as long as a woman and her husband are content with their lifestyle, it's nobody's business to frown upon it and judge it.
Depending on the state, if you have been un-employed for a number of years you are entitled to allimony.
What??!! Are you serious? Is it just me or do others find something wrong with that scenario? Maybe it is just me. I'm used to working hard for everything I have. Very little has been given to me, when I got divorced I let him take most of the little bit we had back then and I didn't ask for allimony. I asked him to pay child support and that was all.
Not to get away from the topic but I think it's wrong that you don't work when married, then get divorced and then are allowed allimony! Wow! That is unreal to me!
Ok, I'm done
I started this thread, and I'd like to share some more thoughts since people have been posting to it lately.
I'm in my early 30's, and have been working part-time for the past two years. Before that I worked full-time while my hubby was in grad school, at jobs I despised. The reason I did that is because we needed the money then.
I hate my job now, too, but I do it for two reasons: for the social outlet, and to keep busy. I couldn't do it full-time because I hate the job so much. I am thinking about looking for another job, but not everyone can get the types of jobs they want. I have never been able to get the types of jobs I want--if I could, I would definitely work full-time. I have a graduate degree but am not working in that field, and so have had enormous trouble getting any job other than entry-level. I don't have the experience and education to apply to the kinds of jobs I really want. And the only types of jobs that will take me are the super entry-level ones.
What do I do with the rest of my time when I'm not working? I take adult ed classes for fun, read, work out, watch movies, prepare for my new career, and go out and have fun. I will admit I'm still not completely on top of keeping up with the chores; I never cook but I do try to stay on top of the cleaning, laundry and errands. But my main activity outside of work is having fun. Is there anything wrong with this?
My new career is that I am also planning to re-apply to graduate school for next year. I applied this past winter for PhD programs, but didn't get into any of them. I'm planning to re-apply for next fall. If I get into my ideal grad program, then that will be my new career and I'll keep busy with that.
I know I could be better with the domestic stuff, and sometimes I feel like I'm failing in the housewife department because I can't keep on top of it all. I'm not domestic, but I know I should be doing more. My hubby doesn't mind as long as I take care of most of the stuff. He doesn't expect that the house needs to be spotless or perfectly picked up every day.
Kids aren't on the agenda yet--maybe in a year or two. I'm not ready to have them now. We're just at too much of a transitional period in our lives. We still rent, have no idea where we want to settle down, and are thinking about moving in a year out of state. My career is still up in the air, too.
I just haven't really found something to be passionate about--I mean, I enjoy taking adult ed classes and I am looking forward to hopefully getting into grad school for my new career, but I wouldn't say I'm passionate about these things. I'd love to find something to be passionate about.
I just haven't really found something to be passionate about--I mean, I enjoy taking adult ed classes and I am looking forward to hopefully getting into grad school for my new career, but I wouldn't say I'm passionate about these things. I'd love to find something to be passionate about.
Why in the world do so many people in this country think you have to be necessarily passionate about ONE thing?! Is there anything wrong with a normal and well-rounded person with various moderate interests...?
I have always said if I could find 2 more wives who had good jobs I would love to stay at home and be totally useless. But if that was legal the murder / suicide rate would probably double.
Why in the world do so many people in this country think you have to be necessarily passionate about ONE thing?! Is there anything wrong with a normal and well-rounded person with various moderate interests...?
I know this is gonna sound rude, but it sounds like doglover isn't going to be happy with anything. I have a difficult time believing someone has hated every single job they have ever held. That tells me more about the person than the jobs. I also find it very snobby that someone with so little job experience looks down on very entry level jobs. It isn't like you are going to come in with no experience and land the CEO job or whatever you are after. My guess is she is not easy to be around as she is always looking for something better (after reading her response to the education thread, I have a sneaking suspicion she is judgemental of anyone lacking her college education, which makes it hard to make friends)
I know this is gonna sound rude, but it sounds like doglover isn't going to be happy with anything. I have a difficult time believing someone has hated every single job they have ever held. That tells me more about the person than the jobs. I also find it very snobby that someone with so little job experience looks down on very entry level jobs. It isn't like you are going to come in with no experience and land the CEO job or whatever you are after. My guess is she is not easy to be around as she is always looking for something better (after reading her response to the education thread, I have a sneaking suspicion she is judgemental of anyone lacking her college education, which makes it hard to make friends)
This is not true at all. Yes, I have hated every job I've ever had since grad school (however, I loved waitressing, which I did all through college. It was the most challenging job I've ever had, the most fun, and the most interesting to me.) I think the reason that I've hated all these jobs was that they were very entry-level, I was doing very boring tasks, and I was bored out of my mind. That's not to say that all entry-level jobs are boring--the ones I happened to have were boring. I do hate my current job, and that one happens to be entry-level as well. I'm bored out of my mind. What happens with all these jobs is that it's interesting for the first week or so, when I'm learning the job. Then I'm bored after that. This has happened with every job I've held. That's why I finally figured out that I need to go back to school in order to pursue a new field--a field I really enjoy but that I can't get into without a graduate degree. So that's my new career path.
Also, I don't care what kind of education potential friends have. I made lots of friends when I worked service jobs in high school and college. And I worked in retail when I was in-between jobs a few years ago and enjoyed the social outlet that provided. You are reading my responses all wrong. Hope this clarifies somewhat.
I'm interested to hear about what people's perceptions of stay-at-home spouses (no children) are.
This is a spouse who stays at home (when there are no children), while the other spouse works, either because there is no financial need for that person to work or because he or she doesn't want to.
For instance, take a newly married, young couple where the husband is a corporate lawyer and the wife was a preschool teacher. Because the wife makes in a day what the husband makes in 15 minutes, the wife decides to quit her job and stay home, even though they don't plan to have kids for many years. The wife just doesn't think it's worth her time to work given that the husband's salary supports them both well.
Or, perhaps the stay-at-home spouse never found a career/job passion and instead would rather just to what he or she feels like doing, whether it's working on hobbies all day, reading, or whatever.
Is the stay-at-home spouse considered lazy? If there is no financial need for them to work, should they do so anyway? Or is contributing in some way to society acceptable (i.e. volunteer work). Must the stay-at-home spouse contribute in an equal way to the home through chores? If so, how can you judge what an acceptable contribution would be? Or do you think it's okay for the stay-at-home spouse to just do whatever he or she wants, and have fun, while the other spouse is working.
I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on this.
I think in this day and age, it's a huge risk to become financially and economically dependent on another person, be it your spouse. With divorce rates so high, you can't believe in the happily ever after regardless of how seriously you take your vows. And even if the marriage is solid, what about an unfortunate accident that leaves your spouse crippled and unable to work or even dead? What if the spouse's company takes a hit and decides to outsource or downsize?
As with everything, you need to hope for the best but prepare for the worst, and while removing oneself completely from the labor force might work while things are peachy, it sets you up for difficult times when you hit a rough patch and need to re-enter the work force. I recommend reading Leslie Bennet's The Feminine Mistake, not necessarily for the stay-at-home mom vs working mom debate aspect of the book, but just to be aware of the risk you take when you prematurely remove yourself from the work force.
As for my personal preference, in a situation as descriped in the original post, I wouldn't tolerate a spouse that just sits at home all day doing nothing. Even if they come from money or won the lottery and had no financial motivation to work whatsoever. Especially if children are not in the picture, there needs to be some activity to stimulate and engage the mind and body and keep challenging and improving the self, be it full- or part-time work, volunteering, or taking classes. What a bore you would be if you just sat at home and made a dent in the couch. I'd be bored out of my mind if I did that, and without any new experiences, I'd feel like I didn't bring anything to the table in a relationship. I would also worry about the working spouse starting to resent the stay-at-home spouse if all that person did was goof off and try some hobbies while the breadwinner had to deal with workplace drama and stress and the pressure of shouldering the entire financial burden and providing for a dependent.
Last edited by vemureaux; 07-13-2008 at 10:56 AM..
I hate my job now, too, but I do it for two reasons: for the social outlet, and to keep busy. I couldn't do it full-time because I hate the job so much. I am thinking about looking for another job, but not everyone can get the types of jobs they want. I have never been able to get the types of jobs I want--if I could, I would definitely work full-time. I have a graduate degree but am not working in that field, and so have had enormous trouble getting any job other than entry-level. I don't have the experience and education to apply to the kinds of jobs I really want. And the only types of jobs that will take me are the super entry-level ones.
My new career is that I am also planning to re-apply to graduate school for next year. I applied this past winter for PhD programs, but didn't get into any of them. I'm planning to re-apply for next fall. If I get into my ideal grad program, then that will be my new career and I'll keep busy with that.
I just haven't really found something to be passionate about--I mean, I enjoy taking adult ed classes and I am looking forward to hopefully getting into grad school for my new career, but I wouldn't say I'm passionate about these things. I'd love to find something to be passionate about.
You can get all the training and graudate level education in the world, but until you actually have relevant, real work experience, you will start off in an entry-level position. Even with a higher education degree, you don't just waltz out of school and land a mid/high-level position. You have to start at entry-level and work up. It doesn't sound like you've stayed with any job long enough to do so. Also, be wary of the pitfall many people fall into>> pursuing more schooling (and possibly going into debt) without any concrete plans or objective. I would suggest you first evaluate what skills you have and what skills you enjoy using. Make sure the new career that you want to go into uses those skills. Hopefully you won't bore of the job so easily ifit requires the skills you enjoy using. And if you've hated all your jobs until now, then you better know what exactly it is that you didn't like. If there's no reflection, you might just keep choosing the same kinds of work or work environments and keep repeating the same mistake. A career change necessitates serious reflection. If you haven't done so already, check out books like Richard Nelson Bolles's What Color Is Your Parachute.
Lastly, I don't understand why you have such an aversion to entry-level jobs, especially to those within the field you want to go into. If you take the job and excel and play your cards right, you may even be able to talk your employer into funding your continuing education in exchange for the promise that you will work for them for x number of years at a higher-level position. Such things are not unheard of. Start thinking of these entry-level positions as stepping stones to your dream job/position.
Good luck. I hope you find your path.
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Is there anything wrong with a normal and well-rounded person with various moderate interests...?
