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In this day and age, what I'd really be for is both parties working part time. Then you both have time to do what you want and don't feel time strapped. I think it's risky for both partners to have one not working. Too many marriages fail and you will continue to support a spouse you were supporting at home before the divorce no matter who caused the divorce or who wanted who home.
This is the problem. My friend who never worked is now divorced. She is about as worldly as an 18 year old with no job skills. Now she is faced with the reality of having to find a way to take care of herself.
I'm interested to hear about what people's perceptions of stay-at-home spouses (no children) are.
This is a spouse who stays at home (when there are no children), while the other spouse works, either because there is no financial need for that person to work or because he or she doesn't want to.
For instance, take a newly married, young couple where the husband is a corporate lawyer and the wife was a preschool teacher. Because the wife makes in a day what the husband makes in 15 minutes, the wife decides to quit her job and stay home, even though they don't plan to have kids for many years. The wife just doesn't think it's worth her time to work given that the husband's salary supports them both well.
Or, perhaps the stay-at-home spouse never found a career/job passion and instead would rather just to what he or she feels like doing, whether it's working on hobbies all day, reading, or whatever.
Is the stay-at-home spouse considered lazy? If there is no financial need for them to work, should they do so anyway? Or is contributing in some way to society acceptable (i.e. volunteer work). Must the stay-at-home spouse contribute in an equal way to the home through chores? If so, how can you judge what an acceptable contribution would be? Or do you think it's okay for the stay-at-home spouse to just do whatever he or she wants, and have fun, while the other spouse is working.
I'm interested in hearing people's opinions on this.
I am a stay at home spouse with no children. Our household could definitely use my income, but I am having trouble finding a car now that DH hit a 7 point buck deer and totaled my car.
I have always worked, so this was a huge adjustment for me. I still "earn my keep" by doing all the chores, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and mow the lawn. It's not expected of me to do these things, but I go crazy if I don't stay busy.
I think people should do what is best for them. If the SO doesn't resent you not working, because they would rather sit at home and not work, perhaps a job they hate, then do what you both want to do.
If there is resentment, then some conditions should be met or compromise. Perhaps trade off every few years or find a job from home. I'm not sure, but the resenting SO should seek happiness somehow in his/her career without taking that resentment out on you.
My mother was a housewife for 47 years. She got a "paycheck" from my dad each week for keeping the house in order. She would save it, buy a sports car, or upgrade the house and furniture as she wanted to. When I left home, (the last of 6 kids) she officially "retired" and hired a maid.
As far as contributing to society, I learned in my last college course that if you don't contribute in some way by volunteering at least out in society, you risk becoming isolated. With isolation from society, you can experience changes in your life such as depression, from the natural order of needs a human craves psychologically. I would imagine someone who can bear children, once they hit the isolation phase, they would most likely have a child, this way they could reintroduce themselves out there with things to do like become involved with the child's hobbies or sports, clubs etc.
From my personal experience....I was a stay-at-home wife for 4 years off and on. Meaning, I'd find a job and work there for 4-6 months and quit. I Just hated the jobs I got after graduating from college! They were all boring sales jobs! My husband was very supportive and did not mind it at all. In fact, he loved it! I made him breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, did his laundry, took care of the pets, cleaned the house...yes, including the bathroom! Also, when a promotion was available for him...I "convinced" his boss at a company picnic that my hubby was the right man for the job....His boss admited to him that the way I spoke about him, had an impact on his decision to promote my hubby...Until now, it all seems like a dream... However, we divorced ( not related to me not working...he had an addiction problem...etc.) after our 5th year of marriage. It was REALLY hard! I had to re-learn how to fend for myself in this world! I had to move in with my aunt and start from scratch... Today, I'm 32, have been working for the past 5 years for the same company. Have been promoted twice, have a great boyfriend who also works...etc. So, if I had to pick being a stay at home wife again, I'd probably say no thanks...Unless of course, my husband made so much money that my working would be not worth it.... I hope this helps!
The person who is not working is setting himself/herself to financial dependence.
The future is not clear, and people change.
Even without kids, one should still be financially capable, and have established network of support available--plan B.
The person who is not working is setting himself/herself to financial dependence.
The future is not clear, and people change.
Even without kids, one should still be financially capable, and have established network of support available--plan B.
I've been curious, yet never received an answer, re: how many working wives are in the workforce primarily for this reason... not due to financial necessity, not because they love their jobs, but with the mindset "this marriage could fail, so I need money and skills on my side if it does..."
I think as long as both are okay with it you should do whatever works for you. Also sometimes tax wise it doesnt pay for the second spouse to work.
Personally I feel that taking care of the house and yard and all the other things involved is a job. Its not womens work its a job period. If you both have full time jobs then this job should be shared. If you dont work then thats your job. So if I worked and my husband didnt I would expect a clean house and dinner on the table.
I disagree with this that it is a job. I have had jobs and going out to a real job is a lot harder then being at home and doing the work at your own pace and taking a break whenever you want.Plus if you clean everyday it is not going to take that long to clean it the next day. It may take at most 4 or 5 hours which still leaves you a lot of the day left.
At the moment, my husband & I both "stay at home" because we have our own home business that supports us. We have no kids. However, my husband--to be honest--does more work than I do. I take care of a lot of the "administrative" things that he hates relating to our business (taxes, accounts, etc) as well as do the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, bank deposit runs. I, too, have wrestled with the mental anguish of "should I" get another job to work from home, but in reality, I love the flexibility that not having a 9-5 job has. We're doing OK, money-wise, so for the time being I'm enjoying the flexibility of being at home.
My husband has expressed over and over that he would prefer I keep staying at home rather than getting a job outside the house, assuming that's what I want. I hated working in an office, and not being able to travel or take days off when I wanted on short notice. Although, I may get certified to be a substitute teacher, just for some extra $$$ here and there.
I do agree, however, that staying at home (esp without kids) is a whole lot easier than having a "real" job.
Last edited by thepinksquid; 11-01-2009 at 04:02 PM..
I disagree with this that it is a job. I have had jobs and going out to a real job is a lot harder then being at home and doing the work at your own pace and taking a break whenever you want.Plus if you clean everyday it is not going to take that long to clean it the next day. It may take at most 4 or 5 hours which still leaves you a lot of the day left.
I agree with you. If you are a working single person you quickly learn that cooking and cleaning only take a few hours a week. Kids would make it different since many benefit from that cozy environment of homemade cookies and reading stories aloud. Working from home is ideal if you're a quiet reclusive sort, but everyone should do something of value to society and not idly squander their time knitting (or whatever passes for a hobby these days).
I wanted to just post and say I don't want people to think that I think staying at home is wrong. I think if it works for you that is good I just do not like people saying staying at home is a full time job because I have worked at jobs outside the house and feel that saying that is a slap in the face of people who work there butts off at jobs outside the home.
I'm a stay at home spouse. My husband has a very good job, and I am a full time student in college ( although this semester, I'm taking all of my classes online ). Also, we don't have any kids for now. I think stay-at-home spouse is ok if both parties agree to it, and if there is no financial need for more money. I do feel bad for not contributing financially to our household, and that is why I think I will find a part-time job once I finish college, although my husband is fine with me not working, because he says that I "work" too, just in a different way - keeping up the household. However, I love the fact that I can finish all the house chores, make my husband a meal etc., before he comes home. Also, since I usually do all of our household chores, we can spend more time together once he comes home from work.
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